Did I lose the one I am supposed to be with?

Long story short. I was with my ex for about 6 months and things were going wonderfully well. Then about 2 months into our relationship, I found out my mother had cancer. I told him that if it was too much to handle, or too hard for him (his parents both died of cancer) that I would understand and wouldn't fault him for it. He said there was no way he was going anywhere, and that he would be there for me no matter what. Awe.

Fast forward to about a month later. He decided that he just had too much going on in his own life and that he couldn't be there to support me like I needed him to so he wanted to take a break. Naturally I was upset but kind of let it be since I had a lot going on myself with my moms' illness, quitting my job, moving, etc.

About 3 weeks into no contact he texted me some goofy meme saying it made him think of me. That pretty much started the reconciliation and eventually got back together. Like Forrest says "we were like peas and carrots again." I thought things were going really well when all of a sudden he says things don't feel right and the love is gone. I was devastated, and embarrassingly made a damn fool of myself. First I was angry, then apologetic, then begged and pleaded him to love me again (BLAH) basically all the shit you're not supposed to do. Of course this all went with no response, so I feel like I fked up any chance to get back together.

So my question is, did I completely ruin it? I don't want to lose him, I love him and for the first time in a long time he is someone I can see myself growing old with and being together forever. Now I'm getting sappy, but you know what I mean. SO what do I do? How do I fix this? When we were on the break it was easier to not talk, since it wasn't permanent. Now that it's an actual break up I am terrified that I have lost him for good. Help!
Did I lose the one I am supposed to be with?
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