How to get over a heartbreak? Help?

Anonymous
I'm glad I left an emotionally abusive relationship, but there were a few good moments that I would like go back to and experience all over again. He made me so happy and excited because he would text ne 'morning' everyday, and he asked how my day was. When we were going somewhere he would let me rest on my shoulders and he loved to make me laugh when I was crying. He said we would be together forever until death and he'll marry me. We picked out names for our children - as a joke.

There are some parts though that make me not regret the decision to break up, he was controlling and a hypocrite. He checked my phone but got mad and called me a liar when I checked his phone. He threatened to shoot me with his bb gun if he caught me cheating. He was pretty rough physically too. He also stopped trying to resolve conflicts and he put all the blame on me by saying how I didn't put in effort. Even though I bought him things that he liked and bought him food he liked (he has expensive taste), I started work because he pressured me and when I was off work, he told me to look for another job. Despite all that I tried to stay with him until the end, because I though we could last forever like he said. I stopped trying when he tried to cheat on me while giving me a 'chance' when I did nothing wrong.

I feel hot and cold, I feel happy but at random moments I start crying out of nowhere. My heart feels like I miss him and want to be like the way it was before (I feel like shit), but he doesn't want me back because I ended things with him harshly. My mind tells me that it's better this way, I don't have to deal with his cheating and I can avoid being hurt further which is why I said something mean - so I don't go back to him ever again. I'm acting like I don't care.. but I'm conflicted.

How can I get over the heartbreak. I listen to music and I go to work, I keep myself busy with taking enormous amounts of shifts and overnight shifts. But I can't get this out of my mind. Help?
How to get over a heartbreak? Help?
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