Looking for advice on how to heal and move on after tough break up. I'm particularly interested in hearing from those who have been in my position before and healed. I thought we were going to spend the rest of our life together, and I never loved someone more than her. We broke up earlier this week, and I am having a very difficult time.
Most Helpful Girl
I went through this exact same thing with my ex nearly 2 years ago. He was my first love and I'd never been happier at the time. He broke up with me completely out of the blue, saying he needed to focus on college and his career and just didn't have time for a girlfriend anymore. I was left absolutely devastated.
Trust me though, the first few days after a break up like that are the hardest. It took me a good while to feel like myself again but I did and I'm now so much happier with my new boyfriend. The trick to healing effectively is no contact and just taking time to be by yourself to heal. Time is really the greatest healer, I know it's not what you want to hear but it's really true. Keep yourself busy with things that make you happy (like being around friends, etc.). You will feel much better in time I promise you. I'm now taking lectures at college with that ex and I don't even bat an eyelid anymore. You just need time. Good luck! :)2
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Most Helpful Guy
It feels like you're going mad and you can't find peace anywhere. All you can do is think about her. You struggle with should you call her... just to say hello... you try to get information from friends etc etc.
To all these symptoms, there is one solution: learn to guide your mind to a calm state. Your ego will always want more, more, more. Only when you learn to let go and be content with just yourself and what you have right now, will you be happy.
The example of getting an ex back is a great one because logically, you don't want her back. You really don't. Let me explain why. Right now, her state of mind is something like "I don't want to be with him". So if you got her back, today, she'd leave you immediately. You don't want that, you want someone who wants to be with you.
And if you were her, it's easy to see why she won't come back. Put yourself in her shoes, listening to you. It;'s a lot of pressure to put on somebody to say that you're gong to spend the rest of your life with her. I mean, take it easy tiger. People change and you can't pretend to know you'll love her forever. But you do love her now.
All the same, you'll do just fine without her. Take the time to learn to quiet your mind aka meditation. This will yield great rewards for you.
I have been the worst offender at this game. When my ex left me, I tried everything to get her back but I realized eventually that if she and I were meant to be together, she would be just as much into being with me as I was with her. And she isn't. I don't want a girl like that. I love her but it's just not happening.
What is there is there, right now, in this instant. And what is NOT there right now, is not there. You really have everything you need, since here you are. So learn to appreciate what you have. And the very best thing you have is your own mind. The reason is that this is where your feelings of love stem from that feel so good. So it's a great benefit to use it well.
I hope this helps a bit. Go easy on yourself and give yourself time.0