Girls, Was I wrong to ask for the money back?

So I was dating my girlfriend for about one year and I decided to move to her country to be with her.
I moved to the city where she went to College so we only met one time because she claimed she
was very busy. After that I lost my job so I had to move to another city. But we were very far apart.
She also didn't have very much money so she began to ask me for money to help pay for her College and for money to eat living expenses. I gave her the money because I loved her.

The long story short is I lived in her country for close to one year and we only met one time. She promised to meet me in her hometown before I went home for the summer. Right before I was supposed to meet her she told me she had to work in another city. I didn't believe her so I added a few of her friends on twitter. Then the next day I lied to her and told her to meet me in a train station in her hometown that night. She told me she had already left then said she was exhausted and broke up with me.

After she broke up with me I asked her could she pay me back. I felt like she deceived me because I think she was lying about not being in her home town. She called me a stingy selfish man and we haven't talked since then. So was I wrong to ask for the money back? Would you think your boyfriend is stingy and selfish if he did this to you?


0|0
43

Most Helpful Girl

  • My ex did that with me… lied to me and told me he was in financial difficulty and promised that he was only borrowing temporarily. He promised me that he'd return my money soon as he straightend out his stuff in advance so there was no confusion… because of this "financial difficulty" he also never took me out on a single date in our entire courtship and relationship and never spent any money on me. He came to my house, ate my food every day, I packed him frozen lunches each week and nothing in return and when he started talking about frivolous spending on HIMSELF I started asking hon do you think you can repay me my loan since I'm in a tight spot myself? He flat out disappeared.
    I'm sorry for what happened to you. You didn't do wrong by asking for what was a loan… but, what both you and I did wrong was that we gave too much too soon without the other person having done anything to earn our trust. Not a single thing. My lesson from this and yours too is to allow the opportunity for trust to be built rather than giving it so freely… this is DIFFERENT from DISTRUST from the get go… be open to love but also be wise… and definitely don't offer support if you yourself can't support yourself. How can a drowning man save another? You have to save yourself first to be able to extend help to others… and that's how you find healthy as opposed to toxic love. She's a terrible person and she'll get her due karma. I'm sorry you had to experience that.

    0|0
    0|0
    • It wasn't that i really needed the money. I was more that I felt like she deceived me. If she didn't lie at the end and stand me up when we were supposed to meet in her hometown I wouldn't have cared about the money. I still really don't care much about the money I'm mad about the fact that she asked for help but wouldn't even meet me before I left for the summer.

      Thank You for answering my question.

    • I completely relate to you… for me it wasn't wasn't so much about the money as much as what it signified… his actions made me feel like to him I was nothing more than a cash bag and all his words of love were just those… empty words… it left me severely depressed because I felt invalidated as a woman who might have been loved for her heart, her values, her loyalty and yes her beauty and sexuality… it made me feel like nothing… worthless… had he said "babes I'm so sorry but I don't think I'd be able to pay you back…" all would've been forgotten… but he just skipped. Vanished with his fake address and all… I have read and read and read about narcissists and con artists since so I hope I will be wiser in the future... Well you as well… hope that we'll both be able to read and thwart deceptive people in the future without letting them in and playing with us like that… xo

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 42

  • Dick move on her part, but how the fuck did you let yourself get suckered like that? You moved to another fucking country for a chick you'd never even met? And then gave her a bunch of money even though she wouldn't even give you the time of day?

    I'm trying to have sympathy here... I really am... but smarten the fuck up dude.

    Oh just an FYI - if a dude emails you saying he's a Nigerian Prince and asks for your banking information so he can send you a million dollars DON'T DO IT.

    6|0
    0|1
  • No, you weren't wrong. You only met her one time and she asked you for money before and after that, with many excuses as to why she couldn't meet you on the times you two had planned to. So, you have every right to ask for that money because she was apparently just using you for that reason. She barrowed money from you, therefore she owes back all that money she barrowed. It's the right thing for her to do. You are not selfish in that request at all.

    0|1
    0|0
  • No.. You not wrong or stingy.. You just a nice guy that believes in love and being there for your gal. Unfortunately, your "girlfriend" noticed this and took advantage of it. Am sorry for that. Are you still unemployed? Do you have any records of the money you gave her? If you dont it will be hard to involve authority cz it will be your word against hers.. Sorrt for this and i hope you ok.. You didn't deserve this n hnstly, she will one day realise what she has lost.. You are better off without her

    0|0
    0|0
    • No I was only unemployed for a few months. I had to leave the city where she went to College and I got a job in another. I'm not even in her country anymore right now. I may go back because I keep getting job offers.

      I do have records of almost all of the money I gave her. But I don't care about the money I only care about being misled if she didn't mislead me then I wouldn't care. I could get the police involved in her country I even have her citizen id number and I know where she goes to college.

    • Show All
    • Yeah if I go back to her country I may call the police on her. Before I left I had already booked my flight ticket so I only would have had a week to get resolve this with the police. I should also add that I don't know her address in her hometown which is more than 1000 miles from where she goes to college. At that time it would have been difficult but now it would be fairly easy because she is back at her university.

    • Its now easy to get her... Sorry for everythng though

  • She sounds like a gold digger but you are at fault because you trusted her too much and should have dated her and married her for a couple years before lending her money! I doubt she will pay you back. I am sorry this happened to you. I am just letting you know that to be more careful next time.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I know love is blind but you really got screwed. You only met once and call her your girlfriend? I don't think the court will reimburse you because you never made a prior agreement to do so. So your money will be considered a gift. At least that's how it works in America. She also never promised you anything in exchange for that monetary value. I don't know how you let her drag you along by the balls like that. She completely used you. One year? I'm flabbergasted. How did you not see that something was wrong sooner?

    0|0
    0|0
  • I dont think you were wrong for asking for the money back. You have a right. She kind of played and rook advantage of you.

    0|1
    0|1
  • Dude of course you should ask her it's right of you to do so but she won't give you the money back and that is well within her rights. It was an asshole move by her because she was obv playing you though tbh I don't know what situations she and you are in so I'm not going to judge her.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Hmmm seems weird. I don't want to jump to automatic conclusion but to me anyways it seems like maybe she could be cheating on you. She used you and that is NOT okay at all. You were not wrong at all to ask for your money back. She is a very stingy and selfish person. No I would not! If my boyfriend gave me money and I legit needed t (although I don't believe in loans or borrowing money) then I would pay them back. I'm so sorry that this happened to you!

    0|1
    0|0
  • I don't think that you're wrong to ask for the money back, that's understandable, but unfortunately, you have no legal right to the money and she likely won't give you a penny back.

    1|0
    0|0
    • I actually do have a legal right to. I could claim that she caused me emotional distress. This didn't happen in America so I could go to police and they might side with me. It's enough of a gray area to where she would be at fault.

    • Show All
    • Yes you are in the UK and our laws are very similar. If I went the US, Australia, Hong Kong, or Singapore then I would have no right to ask for it back either. The laws in these countries have the same origins.

      But in the country where this happened there isn't much outside influence outside influence in the law. Let me give you a scenario okay if I dated someone in this country got her pregnant and promised to marry her then didn't do it. Even if she decided to get an abortion she could still make me give her money and it could be any amount of money.

      But for me it really isn't about the money. I was just curious about was it "wrong" for me to ask to be paid back.

    • Why are you so afraid to identify the country?

  • that was stupid of you
    bitch needs to pay you back I am with you on that

    1|1
    0|0
  • she straight up played you and used you and you have every right to ask for it back especially if she was now employed with a degree thanks to YOUR FINANCIAL SUPPORT. The crappy thing is , she is not obligated to pay you back nor is she legally bound to repay you. so no your not stingy , she is just a money hungry witch who took advantage of your kindness and false hopes for something you were being lied to about.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yeah you've been mugged off mate! I doubt you'll see your money unless you kept receipts.

    In the UK, we can take people through civil court. I've not done it but I'd imagine it to be a bit like Judge Judy or Judge Rinder!

    0|0
    0|0
    • Nothing wrong with asking for your money back though. As I say "If you don't ask, you don't get!. No harm in trying is there. Lost cause though in my opinion.

    • I have a record of almost all of it so I could get it back. It would be a bit different from judge judy probably a lot easier actually because the country she's from has different laws.

  • I think she played you. You are not wrong to ask, but not sure if you'll actually see any of it. She's wrong all the way around.

    0|0
    0|0
  • How much money was it? She seems like the selfish one here

    0|1
    0|0
    • Well it was only like $1400 but this isn't in America so it would be more like giving someone in America $5000. I think the most she could make in month would like $300 a month that's if she worked a part time job.

  • of course you should ask for your money back.. and if it's a lot than file a tell her you''ll file a case against her.. she kinda just used you.. and that's terrible..

    0|0
    0|0
  • In this situation, I don't think you we're wrong. It seems like she took advantage of you. So you have every right to ask for your money back.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I personally do not think you are stingy or selfish. You had every right to ask for the money back. Unfortunately you will never see any of that money again. She sounds like nothing but a lying ass gold digger! Just a little advice, Next time you meet someone spend time with them face to face, spend real time with them and really getting to know them! Don't be so open with your money!

    0|0
    0|0
  • Take her to court if it's an option. Sounds like she scammed you to be honest.

    0|0
    1|0
  • I think you where right to ask for the Money back, she obviously used you. She may not Pay you back, so I suggest to let it go because you learned a lesson. And its only money, there's better things in life to worry about (:

    0|1
    0|0
  • Hey there I'm replying since you asked me to and all I gotta say is damn straight you got every right to ask for that money back. You moved to her country? That's huge, dude. Most people wouldn't even move across the country for someone. She's broke, you're broke and she's asking you for money for some fake college education she's getting, while probably fucking around. It's ridiculous you've only seen her once. And since my post was about Asians, I hope she wasn't, coz that's a gold digger fo sho

    0|0
    0|0
    • Well she actually is going to college that part is true. But she didn't really have to take the classes I paid for though. As for where she is from well you guessed right.

  • No, you deserve your money back. Any decent person wouldn't take it. Just explain to her that you need the money.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yeah there's nothing wrong with asking for your money back, sounds like she just used you for that.

    0|0
    0|0
  • That female is a BITCH
    and yes you deserve your money back
    It was so immature of you paying for her college and expenses without even meeting her. Just once

    0|0
    0|0
  • you only met once? what a scam

    1|0
    0|0
  • No. I think you got played. You weren't wrong for asking for your money back.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Wait. You lived in her country for one year, only met once, and you were giving this chick money? Even if people think it's right or wrong, you got scammed man. You're not getting your money back.

    1|0
    0|0
  • You helped get out giving her money. Yes she should pay you back but that's gonna be hard

    0|0
    0|0
  • No. You were right and naive I must add

    0|0
    0|0
  • She used you. You shouldn't have had to buy her love. In a relationship it should be 50/50 or at least 75/50. It should never be one sided with money. Go after someone that loves you for you and not for the things you give them. Best of luck!

    0|0
    0|0
  • Thank you so much for answering my question. I now realize that I should get my priorities straight. Something like a small flaw shouldn't stop me from dating someone.

    0|0
    0|0
    • And to answer your question- yes you have the right to ask for the money back. Most people should give money back after taking them.

  • More from Girls
    12
Loading...