Is it wrong to feel upset about a breakup if you were the one doing the breaking up?

I just ended a relationship, and I was the one who broke things off. I'm not regretting the break up, but I am really upset it had to end and that it ended the way it did. Is that selfish of me; to be upset about a break up even though I'm the one that ended it?


1|0
74

Most Helpful Guy

  • The answer is both YES and NO.

    However it would also depend on the reason as to why you initiated the break up. I mean if you did it because the guy was abusive, judgmental, inconsiderate towards you then in this case it would be NO, you won't feel bad, upset because you chose to break up.

    If you initiated the break up despite the guy being almost ideal, nice, very understanding and supportive then probably you would have done it because you were falling out of love with him or maybe because he is just too nice and a guy without a backbone (psychological sense).

    In the second case I would you would be a little selfish to break up but then it's not wrong because eventually your own happiness is what counts and no matter what the reasons may have been, no matter what kind of a guy he is if you are not happy then there is nothing wrong if you initiated the break up.

    Hence in the second case you will most likely feel very upset because you initiated the break up. Hence it depends on the situation and the type of guy he was whom you broke you with.

    0|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • After a breakup you feel a sense of loss, even if you're the one ending it. You have been so used to him being part of your life , but now he's not. So now you a not together you have to rebuild your life, and look to a future without him being part of it anymore. That can have a huge impact on your life because you feel an empty space in your life

    Even people who've came out of an unhappy abusive relationship can feel sad when it finally ends. No one wants a relationship to fail. Some people also feel a sense of failure too, because they couldnt make the relationship last

    It's a new start in your life , and that can be a daunting thought, but in time you'll feel a lot better about the breakup. Just be patient with yourself

    0|0
    0|0

Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • I'd only consider it selfish if you tried to get it back together again, that's not only selfish but a whole list of other things as well. But no, you felt the relationship wasn't working, no one can expect you to stay in something you're not 100% happy in but chances are your partner wasn't all bad so there will be some things you will miss as well which would justify the fact you're upset about the breakup.

    0|0
    0|0
  • No it's not selfish of you. Sometimes you just have to end it because you know it's unhealthy or heading the wrong direction. That doesn't mean your feelings and the affection for the other person just vanish immediately

    0|0
    0|0
  • i was just reading the top 10 shows that werent supposed to be canceled. the number one was reading rainbow, as an fyi butttt, one of the shows on the list, was "Angel". It turns out that it was canceled before the reviews were put in. someone was a little premature with the cancellation, and it turns out they regretted ever doing it

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 6

  • It is normal to be upset after a break up if you care about the person. It must have been the right decision if you chose to end things but it us okay to feel bad.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Of course it's not selfish. Just because you initiated a break doesn't mean it's any easier for you, especially if it was a difficult decision. Sometimes we make tough decisions not because we want to but because it's better for everyone involved, and we're bound to be upset by it. I've been there. I decided to end a friendship that had become toxic, and while it was the best decision for everyone involved, it sucked for a long time. I still wish it didn't have to go that way, but it was the only way. Don't berate yourself, and just give it time. It will pass.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Not at all; I'm going through the same thing myself. I just ended a 2 year relationship because I didn't see a future with him, even though I do love him still. And, as I predicted, I'm sad about it. And it was made even worse by the way he handled it. I tried several times to end it in a civil way and he wouldn't let me (emotionally manipulating me into staying). So finally, I told him very matter-of-fact that I was moving in with my parents and not coming back. And he absolutely blew up. And I hate that it had to go down that way, but it also strengthened my resolve. If he hadn't reacted so poorly to it, I'd probably be tempted to go back to him.

    Anyway, sorry for rambling. Look, I don't know how long you two were together, but it's safe to assume that he was a big part of your life. And I'm sure there were good times in your relationship. So it's natural to be sad about it. You just have to remind yourself that it's for the best.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I broke up with my SO. One of the hardest things to do.

    0|0
    0|0
  • No that's not selfish. You wanted it to work out and it didn't, that's understandable.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Sometimes when you break up with someone it doesn't mean that you hate them. You can still have feelings - just not the ones needed for a romance. It's a sign that you're not heartless.

    0|0
    0|0

Recommended myTakes

Loading...