She cheated. Second chance or dump?

Before you start yelling to dump her, she was heavily drunk when it happened.
She said she was so disoriented and didn't know what was going on.
She literally dropped on the floor crying, and begged me to stay. She's very sorry.
I'm still extremely disappointed and mad at her, and trust me, I would leave her on a heartbeat.
But at the same time, we've been together for 5 years, and I love her.
I don't know what to do. She was drunk and discombobulated. She wasn't herself when it happened, so should I maybe give her a second chance?
Updates:
For those of you who are saying to dump her... if you were a cheater (hypothetically) do you think you would have the urge to cheat again?
Okay. I think you're right. It's time for me to end it. I just can't look at her the same way.

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1921

Most Helpful Girl

  • You're trying to help justify the situation where no justification is needed. What she did was horrible and while you should forgive people for your own sanity, you definitely shouldn't give her a second chance.

    Relationships have boundaries that shouldn't be crossed, and she crossed all of those in a heartbeat. What was she even doing out with other men? Why was she alone with another man? Why was she out drinking with other men, and why did she get so drunk that she must blame the alcohol for her actions?

    Have you even bothered to ask yourself these questions? Do you not see what she's doing? A truly sorry and repentant person takes full responsibility for their actions, she on the other hand is shifting the blame to where it's no longer her fault, she's tugging at your heart strings because she thinks you're gullible enough to believe it.

    You keep bringing up the five years you were together. You don't want them to go to waste. That is just as stupid as people who stay together just because they have kids, or just because they have a good job, or just because of whatever other reason. You history shouldn't be the reason you stay and frankly she's undeserving of that second chance.

    Getting drunk like that shows you have an alcohol problem, it shows you're irresponsible, and it shows you don't care about anything else in the world or anyone else around you. This girl is not worth the chance you're considering but if you choose to forgive it'll eat at you all the time. Personally I wouldn't be able to kiss her knowing she probably wrapped her lips around another man's penis, knowing someone else was inside of her when that should be something intimate and meaningful and exclusive to the both of you. Knowing some man either ejaculated inside her or on her skin you probably love so much. Knowing she completely degraded herself in the most foul, drunken and disorderly way and maybe even with a couple of people that night.

    Do you seriously want to think about all that each time you see her for the sake of your past, or would you rather be with someone who has self control, is responsible, reliable, trustworthy, and would never in a million years do what she did to you?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • First, it does not matter if she was drunk. She was the one that decided to be intoxicated. Plus, who you are when you are intoxicated is who you truly are without boundaries.

    Second, for whatever the reason someone cheats, it doesn't mean they don't love you. Its wrong regardless, but someone that doesn't love you wouldn't feel so much pain and regret from their mistake. That being said, it is your choice. Can you move past her infedility? Give a second chance if you want and see if you can get past what she did, but if you feel you can't then move on. Forgive, but move on.

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What Girls Said 18

  • I think it's very easy for people to say you have leave. But they don't understand the connection you have with this person, it's easier said than done to leave. If you love her, are willing to forgive her and trust her still then stay. :) if she makes you happy and you can put this behind you. But ultimately this is your decision

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  • If she cheated on you twice, there's no reason why she wouldn't cheat on you again. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

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  • Dont let her use that excuse on you man. Being drunk isn't an excuse. As youve probably heard drinking only helps people to do things they normally want to do but dont have the balls to actually do. Which is why so many people are sending drunk texts or calls telling they're exes they miss them or still love them so on so forth. Talk to her see if they're is something that you are not satisfying her with sexually. If its something you can't fix then you leave her while its best to try and fix a relationship. If you can't satisfy her and she keeps doing it then your never going to be able to fix it. Just keep in mind that its not your fault if this is the case.

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  • Personally, I'd dump her ass. Not just because she cheated, but I couldn't be in a relationship with a guy who drank alcohol to that excess. It's a deal -breaker for me.

    I guess you need to ask yourself.. can she control her alcohol consumption. It doesn't seem so, and she's proven what she's capable of while in a drunken stupor.

    So if you forgive her infidelity, then you need to ask yourself ... can you trust her not to get that drunk again. If she's out drinking without you , will you trust her. Without any kind of trust , the relationship won't survive.

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  • Just end it. I made the mistake of giving a cheater a second chance and it's one of my biggest regrets. Things won't be the same again.

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  • Dump her, they will do everything to get you back, but will fall to it again.

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  • I DON'T CARE if you're in a alcohol haze. That's no fucking excuse. Why do people even make excuses when they cheat? You cheated.. fess up and own it like a real person. There are no IF'S AND BUTS. You know how much alcohol you can handle so why drink over that? I know people who get drunk as a skunk while there out in a committed relationship and go back home. Literally no HARM done. And also 5 YEARS? that's a long time.. she should know better. How about next time she cheats? will she blame that on you? because excuses can go a long way.. anyways it's up to you.

    If you like bullshitting then G'head. If you see a future with a cheat.. G'head. If you know you deserve better. Then G'HEAD and break it off boy.

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  • Give her a second chance, but she shouldn't be allowed to drink as much.

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  • Being drunk is not an excuse.

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  • Dump her. Being drunk is not an excuse to cheat

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  • You should buy be careful

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  • It's up to you dude

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  • DUMP HER!

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  • Dump Her ASAP.

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  • Dump that hoe. Both her and alchoal are nasty.

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  • Dump her. If she can't control herself with a drink she shouldn't be drinking.

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  • What a BITCH.

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  • Dump

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What Guys Said 20

  • I think everyone deserves a second chance depending on what they've done and how they conducted themselves afterwords. I think there's no harm in giving one, she seemed genuinely sorry and maybe she will think before she gets really drunk again.

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    • May I ask did she come forward to the cheating right away? That also makes a difference.

    • Show All
    • If she was black out drunk then she probably didn't mean for it to happen. Just be cautious, it's hard to see a girl start cheating after 5 years of what I'm guessing was a happy relationship and then go into tears and beg you to stay. It makes little sense to me. Give her another chance I suppose.

    • To answer your edit most cheaters do have urges to cheat again and usually want more than one person always. But since it's been 5 years... it's hard to assume she is a cheater.

  • All I hear is your ways of finding an answer to cover for her actions via GaG community. I don't think you should give her the chance.

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    • I'm mad too, but if I dump her now, my past 5 years have been meaningless.

    • @Asker SHE made them meaningless IF that's the perspective you want to take. Acknowledge the betrayal has happened with someone who has been with your for 5yrs. I obviously not knowing the girl would assume were great. Remember the good times but kick her ass to the curb, where's your sense of self-respect... OH! Here it is!!! I found it lying on the ground in the trash nearly black and blue from being choked to death. C'mon! Your 5yrs were NOT meaningless, learn from them, know and understand what you had is not what you have now and MOVE ON! She cheated on you, she "says" she was drunk but do you really know? If she did this while she was drinking then she needs to get her drinking habits in order. You should always be happy within yourself with or without someone, obviously she wasn't thinking of you or your 5yrs of bliss, when she was fucking you over, literally.

  • Really?
    A relationship, not 3 dates, but a real relationship is based on love and trust.
    I do not care how inebriated I can get, I know the limits of my word and boundaries and I still maintain respect.
    There is a lot to be said about respect. One who loves and respects their SO does not cheat on them for any reason.

    Just my opinion

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  • Did you know a woman is not responsible for who she sleeps with when drunk, according to other women? She should be charging the other guy with rape so it's no longer her fault.

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    • She was fully awake... that's the thing.

    • Doesn't matter. Sorry, I am being a bit negatively sarcastic because there are a bunch of stupid nonsense rape questions tonight that are pissing me off.

    • got ya.

  • You don't want to hear this, but being drunk is no excuse for someone to cheat. She took those 5 years you were together, building something, and shove it at her own asshole. There's absolutely no excuse to break the rules for commitment. I've seen it with friends, and I have the experience to say that if you forgive a cheater your handling over the control of the relationship.

    A girl who is sexually addicted to you, and head over heals for you won't cheat. Women know that men who give them great sexual pleasure, and men who can easily make them orgasm are high regarded. Eventually, her guilt will wash over, and she'll lose even further respect for you, specially if this subject keeps coming up which will probably be. Once trust is compromised, it's pretty much the end of it, trust me.

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  • DUMP THAT BITCH. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK HOW DRUNK YOU ARE. IT'S NEVER AN EXCUSE.

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  • Of course break up is the best option, that is the best choice. One should never give a second chance to a cheater.

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  • The problem here is not really infidelity, her alcohol abuse is the real red flag.

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  • Lets say what she stated was true (which you only have her word to go on and she cheated on you so clearly trust her is probably not the wisest decision at this point) what happens if she gets drunk again? It wasn't as if she was drunk the entire time either, she had to get drunk flirt, drink more and flirt then have sex with the guy so even if she was drunk and as drunk as she claimed to have been can she be trusted after this? Can you look at her the same way if not now then in the future? Personally I think that she chose her path she put herself into a bad situation multiple times before she got to that point so that is a bad sign. But at the same time every one screws up and while I personally utterly despise cheating and cheaters and would never give them a second chance (betrayel of that level is the one thing I cannot forgive) you are not me so should some one pay for the rest of their lives for this mistake?

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  • If you can live happy with her sure, but when this happened to me, every time I looked in her eyes, I looked for me and just saw him... </3
    I had to end things, I couldn't get over it.

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  • People make mistakes and I think if you are truly committed to the relationship. . like you really want it to work then you are going to have to learn how to forgive and help your partner never repeat such mistake again. All relationships are potential marriages. And like all marriages, you must acknowledge that their will be downsides and errors that your partner will make along the road.

    I believe in forgiveness and chances. And I also believe in not giving up on someone so easily after such event. Also, given how its been 5yrs you both been together, you are granted a chance to determine if you truly love as you said you did. Love is accepting all the errors and faults of a partner as well as other things. Give her a chance to not do it anymore but you should also work with her in helping her not repeat it again.

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  • You gotta leave. I know it sucks but it will suck way more to stay with her.

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  • I'd give a second chance because if you're totally drunk you have no idea wtf you're doing.

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  • Why was she so drunk? That in itself is irresponsible. Dump her now or forever be a simp.

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  • Dump her, its over G.

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  • dump her

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  • the tears of a crocdile

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  • Id forgive her

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  • dump it she will do it again. It is in her blood.

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  • take a dump on her forehead

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