How do I get out of a depressing rut in life? Any ideas how to cure my lack of productivity?

Anonymous
I have lupus. im always getting fevers and flares. I was working at home doing a call center but i quit today. I thought working at home would be great but i just kept getting cursed out by customers. I tried not to internalize it but i started feeling suicidal so i quit.

I have another job though doing data entry.

my boyfriend of 5 years dumped me. and it was SUCH AN ABUSIVE relationship. I sit in silence at my desk having break downs every 30 minutes reflecting on things he has said or done to me.

I skipped work today&yesterday. There's this guy at work who likes me and confronted me for ignoring him for a month and a half. i told him how he was being really disrespectful of my relationship and inappropriate at work. he then said basically my ex was right to leave me and im not all that special after all.

my office isn't exactly professional. and i'm not going to get anybody fired.

the fact of the matter i'm hoping someone here can relate to how i feel.
I made an appointment with a Psychologist but im in the City the next appointment isn't until October 24th.

I already notified my boss's boss how im struggling with depression. and if i miss work i can give documentation to excuse my absence. but im moving October 1st. into a pretty sweet 2 bedroom apartment

i try applying for jobs but i noticed these years i dont want to read. there is an evaluation for this job and it needs me to read like boring ass 3 page reading assessments per question. i reread the first sentence like 8 times before i closed it.

i haven't finished college. i owe that tuition before i can finish. but im scared i will fail because if i can't even read an evaluation how will i fucking concentrate on anything there?

Im currently on Remeron anti depressant. it helps because before i hadn't left my bed for days. now i just can't leave my house.

i was never like this before i met my ex. now i feel like i have adapted all his demons. and he has taken all my ambition and drive.
How do I get out of a depressing rut in life? Any ideas how to cure my lack of productivity?
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