My fiance and I have been engaged for six months, and we have a six month old son. Our relationship has never been perfect but we resolve our conflicts quickly. I never thought that there would be something that we couldn't work out until now. A few weeks ago I left my job to take care of our son before and after an operation he is having. We had both agreed that I would not go back to work immediately and that my focus would be on our sons health and our home. But last week he was talking to his mother on speaker phone and I heard her ask when I planned to get another job so that I could help with the financial burden I'm placing on him. She also went on to say that I should leave my career job behind and work retail so that I could still keep up with my duties at home. I tried to explain that I can't do that but her only response was that I am being picky. Later I tried to talk to my fiance about it but instead of the support I had previously received from him he insisted that I start working nights and make a financial contribution. I'm really hurt by his new attitude and the fact that he does not value any of my hard work. I truly thought he would explain things to his mom and respectfully back up our joint decision for me to stay home for a while. If that wasn't hurtful enough I recently found out that he is still not over his ex girlfriend and has added a playlist to our tv entitled "missing her" that is a compilation of the songs they listened to together. I love him so much but my gut is screaming at me to call off the wedding and reevaluate our relationship. He does not respect me on several platforms and right now I want to punch him in the crotch and spray paint "missing her" on his tv (that I bought). If I tell him I don't want to marry him he will be extremely hurt but I take marriage seriously and I cannot in good conscience marry him right now. We obviously have very different ideas of marriage and what our roles are. What should I do?
Most Helpful Guy
"My gut is screaming at me to call off the wedding and reevaluate our relationship."
Listen to your inner voice. If you're having doubts now, it's not going to get better over time. Marriage is difficult enough without obstacles like the kind you're describing.1
Most Helpful Girl
The fact that you are seeing the red flags and showing concern is admirable. Seriously. How much does he contribute to the chores and waking up to feed the baby? If the weight is not 50/50 do make arrangements to go back to work and place some of that burden on him. Show him how it feels to have delivered a baby and being asked to abandone it and further exhaust yourself to pay a bill. And I hope you take that time to save up, get ahead, and move out on your own to where you will not need him to help pay your and your baby's bills. That's the prideful woman in me talking.
For now, this baby binds you for the next 18 years.. at least. Marriage can wait. Marriage does not magically change people for the better. Stand your ground.1