I want to be over this feeling it seriously hurts so much. Please help, I'm desperate. Why do I feel so sick about this?

Anonymous
I was a moron and called my ex over one night and he came over took me grocery shopping (I don't have a car nor money so he was being really nice) He made it so clear he doesn't want to be with me like he doesn't love me and I don't think he ever did. I'm about 99% sure he only said that he did because I was the first girl that was head over heels for him, like I seriously love/loved everything about him. Anywayssss he always looks at my snapchat stories and when we were trying to be friends he told me that he was jealous that I went out on a date. He said that he was on a dating site and no girls ever message him back or anything which he told me this a week ago. I went onto snapchat today and he posted a picture of him and this girl.. I didn't open the snap I don't want him to know I seen it and the thought of him sitting with this girl makes me absolutely sick. I want to throw up. I don't understand why it makes me feel so sick. I do still have feelings for him but I'm really trying to get over him because he clearly doesn't like me I don't want him to have the satisfaction of me still liking him. I just don't want him to be with anyone. I don't like seeing him happy. I don't like the idea of being happy with a girl that isn't me. I'm mad at myself for being so stupid to trust him when he promised he was a good guy and that he never wants to hurt me which it turns out all he does is hurt and manipulate and belittle me. I'm a moron for wanting to be with someone like that but he made me believe that I'll never be good enough for anyone because I'm so 'awkward' and 'annoying' he is the only one who has ever told me I hate that I believe him so much. I guess when someone you absolutely loves tells you you something you tend to believe it... How do I get rid of this pit in my stomach. I'm so tired of feeling like this! It's been like this for almost two months now. It just won't go away!!!
I want to be over this feeling it seriously hurts so much. Please help, I'm desperate. Why do I feel so sick about this?
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