We've been together over 15 years. We have SO many great memories. She was the one and I thought she'd be mine forever. However once we turned 30, things changed. she quit her job & refused to go back to work, refused to have kids with me, started hoarding animals and trinkets, and became a complete hermit. We moved in with my parents and she fought with my mom all the time.. so she moved to her hometown across the country. We've been separated for 5 years. I met this new girl who seems great.. but my wife is making me feel bad, like I'm the reason for her unhappiness. She calls and texts me at least 60 times a day.. She threatens suicide and says I need to give her a second chance before getting very serious with this other girl. Does she deserve that second chance? She made my life hell for 10 years... but I feel bad for just "dumping her." She has no job, no money, no friends. This other girl has a job, wants kids, and is more outgoing. What should I do? Should I just be single? Ha ha
Most Helpful Guy
No, you absolutely should not give her another chance. What you described is already very messed up. You should divorce her now and run while you still can. So... I married this girl and we had some great times together, but she too changed. She got her own room, started spending money like water, got laid off multiple times due to poor work ethic (yet loved to brag about how she was a "doctor" because she had a Ph. D.), and worst of all, she got really, really mean and verbally abusive. I tried leaving her many times and she cried and begged me to take her back -- which I did each time. Finally, we had two children and it just got worse. I filed for divorce, she accused me of domestic violence, somehow got the courts to assign me $6,800/mo in transfer payments every month. Everything turned out ok in the end, but during that 11-month divorce period involving lots of legal fees, I wasn't sure I was going to survive. And the thing is, I had at least two dozen chances to escape over the years. Yeah, long reply but just escape now while you can.
Most Helpful Girl
I say move on, and he's why...
You guys have been apart for FIVE years, which is a pretty long time. I would understand maybe six months to a year, but if Five years can go by without you guys coming together, I don't think the marriage will survive. And then you said for TEN years, she's made your life difficult. A spouse is supposed to make you feel calm as in you can depend on her, feel comforted by her, can confide her, and one that doesn't judge you, unless she's helping you to avoid a bad decision you'll make. Instead, the marriage is misery, and there is NO reason for you to continue to waste your time and energy on a person who clearly, can't and refuses to promise you harmony.
Secondly and most importantly, she's NOT presenting herself in a respectful and clean manner when she's asking for a second chance. First of all, has she apologized for all the things she's done to make you miserable? Has she apologized to your mother in PERSON for treating her like crap? Has she presented herself in a way that suggests she has changed and will or has looked for employment? Has she personally sat down with you to at least help you understand what happened to her and what made her change? If all she has done is blow up your phone 60 times a day, or uses suicide as in "Be with me or else" tactic, then sorry, she's NOT worthy of fighting for, not anymore. And that suicide tactic is so classless and tasteless becuase she's manipulating you into not only feeling bad for her, but to be pressured into giving in to what she wants. She'd rather you be obligated to give her a second chance rather than you naturally wanting to. This is one other sign that she does not care about you. She cares for herself.
I think with this new girl, you are given a second chance, bro. Stop looking in the past and let that part go. I understand that letting your wife go is not easy, and I applaud you for having sympathy with her, but you gotta respect yourself and live your life. You've waited for her for ten years, how many more years do you want to give her? Maybe something better is right in front of your face and it's the whole package becuase this girl desires the same things you do. Your wife screwed up, man, and maybe she's only starting to realize that becuase this other girl is in the picture, and now she's all frantic about taking you for granted.
She's too late.