It's clear he's lost interest - why won't he let me walk away?

My apologies for the long post, will do my best to keep it brief.

We've been hanging out / hooking up for almost a year. Never "official" but we got very close (involved in each others lives, staying together every night, etc.), so when I caught feelings I was clear with him about it, and he said he had feelings back. But he got wishy-washy as things continued - would say he had feelings for me until I got too close, then tell me he just sees me as friends with benefits and nothing more, then if I pull back he'll say he has feelings again.

I felt that he was taking advantage of my emotions to get what he wanted from me (not just sex - I would take him to sports games, do favors, bend over backwards to try to make him happy), so I stopped offering all the "extras" and backed off. He stopped trying at that point, which only made me feel more taken advantage of, and after a couple months of seeing each other once every week or two, and no communication in-between, I'm trying to end it, unsuccessfully.

This guy has women chasing him and does not need me for sex. I'm 90% sure he's seeing someone else now. So when I tried to end it, I didn't think I would get much push-back. But all of a sudden he appreciates me, he knows he messed up, he wants to prove how much he wants me in his life. He swears there's nobody else. But despite saying all this his actions still say otherwise, he hasn't actually proved anything to me besides that I'm most likely his side chick. But every time I try to say "I'm not happy, I want out" he tries to find some patch to fix it without addressing the actual problem - that he's very obviously lost interest.

So why won't he just admit this and move on? He isn't getting anything from me anymore, and I know he can get laid every day of the week without me. But it's like he's clinging on to me just to keep me on his back burner. I don't have the heart to block his number and pretend he never existed, but is there any other way to get out of this? Please help!


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  • he's using you, dude. it's already bad enough you had friends with benefits relations with each other. (god, humans are terrible. what person makes friends with benefits a thing anyway?) that part wasn't directed to you. there's guys in this world that will use you like a sex machine and nothing else. he'll say whatever it is to make you stay until he's tired of you. people lose their wits when they realize the ball isn't in their court any longer. if you stay, all he's gonna do is use you for a very unorthodox way of living and then when he finds a girl he wants to be serious with and have a legitimate relationship with, he will leave you high and dry (while he is playing "nice guy" and "family man" with his real girlfriend.

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    • @pitbullmamaa plus, women around your age (some women), no offense, try to find guys to settle down with around this time, so do men. however, it may be a little easier for him to move on because by society he is the mate hunter. he could easily find a girl and settle. now he's probably trying to slow down the pussy carousel he's been riding but not quite ready to get off. just don't let him be able to use you as the final ride. note: excuse me for using the word p*****.

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    • Yeah, I suppose the hope that he's actually telling the truth and likes me for me after all we've done together is kind of messing with my perception. I don't need to file a restraining order but I also still have enough compassion towards him that I don't want to make him feel like I hate him or he's a terrible person in order to get out.

    • i understand, you want to leave on a clean slate and no with no hard feelings, something i've failed at before. @pitbullmamaa try sitting down and deeply explain to him that you just don't want this anymore. or try telling him you're looking for a real relationship, one with a clean slate and is entirely with a new person (even if you aren't). i think your expectations are not realistic, you could leave with peace but the other persons reactions you cannot control.

  • He is using you for sex I went through this exact same thing and he has women chasing after him. He just wants you when he's bored , nobody else and also it's control. He wants to control you have you in love with him for a ego boost

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    • So hopefully things should sort themselves out. I don't want him anymore, so if he continues to be the only one making any effort he should stop eventually.

    • does this man always try to make you jealous and things like that. Does he also tell you not to see anyone else but him? Try not to speak to him anymore. What helped me was just talking to him when I can be bothered until I was over it. And going out with other men that treated me far better than he did

    • He doesn't try to make me jealous at all. He said we were "exclusive" but since we haven't been seeing each other much it's been more ambiguous. I kind of figured he was full of shit the whole time but I don't have the energy to deal with other guys so I just didn't really care. It was always kind of obvious there were other girls but he never made it obvious on purpose.
      I don't talk to him much anymore, when he goes a week or so without hearing from me he'll call to say he misses me. I'm hoping it will just fade out.
      As far as other guys, I've tried but so far I've legit hated every guy I've talked to after getting to know him a little. I'm afraid for the human race right now lol

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