Ex girlfriend wants to get back together?

I broke up with my girlfriend in February this year, we had been together only for about three months. We were also long distance, living in neighboring states, so we didn't get to visit each other often, we mostly only got to speak over the phone, MSN and through letters etc.

I started to feel that she was a lot more into the relationship than I was, not to say that I wasn't into it, but I was thinking of a slow but strong relationship, she was thinking of rushing headfirst into a marriage with family and kids and a home.

Anyway, we've decided to remain friends, which, as one might guess, hasn't exactly been easy, but we've been working at it.

We've had a lot of highs and lows. I feel that she manipulated me a lot at the start of our new found friendship, and I've just gone along with it. She's told me that she's happy we're friends and that it's for the best.

However, the other day she told me that she still wants me back and wants another shot at our relationship because she felt like it didn't end fairly the first time, and that she doesn't want to look back and think of what we've both missed out on. And I sort of think the same way and am afraid that I have passed up the chance at something great. At the same time, I can't help but feel that she's sub consciously manipulating me into a relationship with her.

While I really do care for her and we had some great times, things just weren't working and I don't think they ever would properly work for so many reasons that I can't fit into this little box. She's told me that it's up to me if we get back together or not. We're spending a few days together in about a month's time and so she wants an answer from me then.

She's said that if it's a yes then we'll take it really slowly and avoid fighting etc. (which was a big problem the first time, we took it really fast and seriously and fought a lot), but she's said that if I say no, then that might be the end of our friendship and that she's not sure if she can continue our friendship. In other words, to me that says that I have to either be her boyfriend to her or nothing at all.

She has also told me that if I say yes, but then after a few weeks if I feel uncomfortable again, then I can just break up with her again, and she claims that it won't hurt her, in fact that she'll be happy because she's finally getting the closure she wants.

But that's the thing, would a girl really set her self up for potential heart break again just to get some closure? Does she really want to give this a proper go for closure and/ or to see what could have possibly been? Or is she just manipulating me?

And she says that it wouldn't hurt her because she'd know that it's not meant to be... Is she serious with that? I'm not sure but wouldn't being dumped twice hurt no matter how much closure you're getting?

I'm just in need of any advice I can get here, it's much appreciated thank you.


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Most Helpful Girl



  • Not to be rude, but you sound really full of yourself here : /

    You keep accusing her of manipulating you. Umm..manipulating you for what exactly?

    You guys tried to date long distance (which brings its own set of difficulties most couples dating the "regular" way don't have to deal with), broke up, tried being friends, and she has let you know that despite efforts of remaining just "friends", she still has feelings and doesn't feel like you guys had a fair shot when you tried things LD. Sounds pretty straightforward to me?

    It sounds like she would just really love the opportunity to see how you guys would fare dating "normally", the way most other relationships have the advantage of starting. She obviously places a fair amount of value on you and what you guys shared to want to give it a real attempt. If without the extraneous factors of an LD relationship you guys are STILL problematic, then she's willing to accept that because at least at that point you guys would know that the problem is between yall and not the circumstances.

    She's not focusing on "being dumped twice", she just cares enough that to her it's WORTH IT TO TRY. But if you already know that you're just going to dump her, then YOU obviously don't care about it or her enough. Stop trying to make her out to be the villain here. And be honest with yourself and her. No one can really manipulate you INTO a friendship or relationship, as you are claiming. If you truly care about her and fear that you may have passed up on someone great, then quit bellyaching and do what needs to be done to see if its the real deal. Or, if deep down you know that you DON'T value her like that, grow some cajones and be honest with her already. No need to lead her on any further. Part of the reason she wants to try again is because she has been given the impression that you care as much as she does. If you don't, then you need to clearly communicate that so that she can understand once and for all that part of the reason yall didn't work is because you were NEVER as into it as she was.

    Figure out, be honest about, and take ownership of what you actually feel and want with her. Stop trying to make it about something being wrong with her.

    p.s. woman confessing that she still cares and wants to try something again = manipulative marriage-hungry wench? Why are you so jaded? lol!

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    • I should've been clearer in my post but I don't have much room up there, but she's manipulated me in a lot of ways, my friends have also agreed that she does it too. She uses guilt trips against me when she doesn't get her own way (which she almost always get her own way). I've lost a lot of friends, given up my bands and stopped studying because she wants me to focus all my time on her, which I've done.

      And also, this second chance, she also wants it to be long distance again too.



    • Sorry. I still maintain that you need to: "Figure out, be honest about, and take ownership of what you actually feel and want with her. Stop trying to make it about something being wrong with her."

      It's like you can't bring yourself to say that you don't like her or want to be with her. You just keep emphasizing how bad a person she is.

      You are also making it sound like you have zero agency. You're blaming her for interrupting friendships,studying, and whatever else..when she's not even



    • in the same location as you. You CHOOSE how to react to someone. If they ask something you're not comf with you simply say NO.

      Bottomline:

      She still has feelings for you, and wants to try something again. DO YOU STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR HER AND WANT TO BE WITH HER? If YES, then man up and do what needs to be done to see if its the real thing. If NO, then man up and be honest about it and allow her to move on.

      Also,try to stop defaming her character to people the way you are doing. wack

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 7

  • I think she's serious but she doesn't want to pressure you again. Therefore she's trying to tell you that it's ok with her either way, that she would understand. Of course, that is a bit of pressure as well. I think you should give it another try if you have feelings for her.

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  • well I think she's just manipulating you. and that she doesn't really like you because how can ANYBODY say all that but then say that she won't get hurt if you brake up with her again because she knows its not meant to be?!?! don't let that little b**** fool you seriously! if I really liked a guy I would get hurt every time he would brake up with me even if he had broken up with me a million times!

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  • ok here's my advice to you. I don't think you should give it another try if your not looking to settle down anytime soon like she is. brakeing up with her twice is just foolish on her part! id have to say don't give it another try if you only think you two will only last a little while because who needs that. she's even planning for you two to brake up in a short period of time. so id have to say no to going back to her. it didn't work out the first time so why would it work the second time? an it was only a three month relationship so it was nothing big anyways so why would she ask for closure. just tell her no and that you just wanna stay friends so everything doesn't get complacated! that's my advice to you! hope I helped! :)

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  • Okay then...She does sound like she's just messing around with you and your emotions.Ive personally tryed long distance and they absoutly suck.But if yall can get over the fact that she's f***in with you so much ,and rushing everything I would just tell her to slow down you want to get to know her more and stuff like that because it seems like you ain't really ready for that big of a commitment.But when you are then yall can posssibly figure it out from there and yall will both be ready.Buut anyhow yall could figure it out when the time comes but it just seems like she's messing with you and your emotions just for fun like she don't care that much anymore

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  • I don't think they ever would properly work for so many reasons that I can't fit into this little box..

    You have already given up on her. What more is there to ask?

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  • I was in the same situation and the guy ended up just not talking to me at all even though we were really close. It was really hard for me though because I still loved him and wanted to be with him.

    Don't get involved with someone you don't want to be with. That would be bad for you. It's better for the girl too in the long run, even though she probably can't see it now.

    I would say to you, "Stay with her! Give her another chance!" But, if you guys don't want the same thing, what's the point? You will break up again eventually, anyway. Why prolong the pain? Both of you deserve someone you're compatible with. She will find someone else eventually and so will you.

    She's giving you an ultimatum but you don't necessarily have to take it. You're not her boyfriend anymore.

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  • You said yourself, she eventually wants marriage. You need to take a step back and really ask yourself if this IS the girl you want to spend the rest of your life with, because once a woman brings up marriage, she pretty much sticks to it. So be sure.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Don't risk a chance of hurting your self, and potentially ending things worse. You don't love her stop talking to her and help her forget you.

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