Hating myself for cheating?

So one night I was drinking with this guy who's my friend and I kissed him. I told my boyfriend that night because I felt overwhelmed with guilt. He immediately broke up with me. Now we are both very depressed but he has decided he will never get back together with me even though I have offered to let him track me and my text messages, anything he needs to gain my trust back but he still won't get back. He says he misses me so bad but that he would never be able to trust me again. I keep holding into false hope. And I just want to drink to take the pain away. I won't let myself sleep and have thought of harming myself. How do I let go and forgive myself?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • When a baby is trying to learn to walk, if it falls over, does a baby dwell on what it did wrong and think about giving up? No, it gets back up and keeps going, and learns from its mistakes, and soon it can walk much much easier.

    Relationships are the same way. You screw up. It's easy to happen, especially when it's one of your first ones. Just gotta chalk it up as a learning experience, tell yourself you won't make that mistake next time, and start walking until you find the next person that you can make sure you do everything right with.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You need to apologize to him; tell him sorry that you didn't mean to break his trust.
    You cannot force himself to be with you if he doesn't wanna be with you, you gotta move on and try to get over him.
    Nobody is perfect; mistakes happens and we learn from them so do not regret or harm yourself. Take it as an experience and look forward.
    You better not hope that a miracle will happen and he will trust you again. If he still has feelings for you, he will come back to you.
    It will take time to make you feel better, be Patient and get over him. Good luck.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 14

  • You have to take this as a valuable lesson learned. There are always consequences to our actions. Obviously this is a tough on, but he is right. How can he trust you again. You used alcohol as your reason. How can he trust that you won't do it again. I do believe you are sincerely sorry for your behavior, but sometimes being sorry doesn't matter. Since he misses you as much as you do him, because I believe you have learned this lesson, I think you should see if you can get him to sit down with you and calmly talk about it. If you can convince him that you are fully aware that you made a huge mistake and the lesson learned from it will stick with you through your life. The biggest thing in your favor is that you were honest enough to tell him. Make sure that you bring this up. That shows more than anything that he should give you a second chance. I am like him and once that trust is burned, I'm done. Because of the honesty you showed, I would give that second chance, but I would still be skepticle for a while. Tell him you know you will have to earn complete trust again, but that's a small price to pay for him taking you back. Don't go overboard on that. If you do, it sounds like you sre trying to sell him and that removes the potential impact of you are tryiong to make. Don't sound desperate and fearful. That also takes away from the impact you wish to convey. Don't cry and make him uncomfortable. He may say yes due to that and change his mind afterwards. You want him to make the decision and then walk away not thinking he might have made a mistake rather than feeling good about his decision and looking forward to having you again. There is more that I can say, but I think you get what I'm saying. I don't know how old you are other than younger than 18. You need to be the adult you will become later.

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  • Well, you don't kiss your guy friend and then confess to your boyfriend and expect him to forgive you, no that doesn't happen. After what you did you cannot expect him to trust you again, and if there is no trust there is nothing.

    He was absolutely right to break up with you. He has also made it very clear that there is nothing you can do gain his trust back. What you did has no reasons, no justifications

    Hating yourself, wanting to harm yourself will not help you at all, that will only leave you with more mental and physical scars if you try to do that. Drinking will not take away your pain either. That will cause more health problems for you.

    Hence all you can do is accept your mistake, learn from them and always be aware, cautious of things, surroundings. Think before you do something. Don't give in to the moment of weakness.

    Just learn to accept the situation you are in right now and try to move on.

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  • I have been cheated on twice in the same way and I can relate to how he feels. Be patient with him, be yourself and assure him it was a mistake. He may come around. I wish you all the best

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    • Thank you. I do truly regret what I did and have decided since that I will never do it again. And I respect his decision not to be with me it's just heart breaking to lose him

  • You have learned a very, very good lesson early in life. Once trust is broken it can never, ever be completely restored. I hope you remember this for the rest of your life as so many relationships and families are destroyed over one act of cheating. The long-term hell it causes is not worth the few moments of pleasure it brings.

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  • it's more respectable that you told him before he found out but yeah I mean it's his choice if he doesn't want to get back with you; however, you have to move on from this and just learn from this mistake and how it makes people feel so that going forward you won't do the same mistake you just made

    Hope that helps

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    • Thank you I will absolutely never do it again

    • And stop taking yourself so seriously. You sound like a born again now...

  • See a therapist. They can help you work through your struggles. If he doesn't want to get back together then you need to leave him alone.

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  • You apologize and move on.
    Both of you will get better with time... if you live that long, of course. :D

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  • lol...

    I would do the same your now ex boyfriend is doing...
    just try to move on and accept that you messed up big fucking time..
    i hope you find peace one day.

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  • Ur Under 18, u don't know what you want, Don't fucking harm urself, Because you'll feel better, trust me, Just give it time and block urself from him

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  • You messed up ! He left you and he should. Tells me he has a backbone.

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  • ya you should hate yourself.. you fucked up big time

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  • can you confirm:
    the guy you've kissed was hot, while you're boyfriend is not?

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  • "All you need is love."

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  • ya, you should. i mean, girls dont like it when men do it, so, why should women cheat?

    the only way to move on, is to actually move on. you cheated on him, he doesn't deserve you anymore. and you need to learn from your ways

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What Girls Said 9

  • Your ex boyfriend sounds like a very good person. Good for him - standing up for and protecting himself from damaging people.

    You just need to accept that it happened and that it'll be something you have to tell every future relationship. Once a cheater always a cheater is a mantra for a lot of people.

    So just accept it.

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  • I think you should be more concerned as to why you felt like kissing your friend. You know what you did was wrong, but you have to let go of those feelings for your boyfriend and start focusing on trying to find out why you felt to cheat on him.

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  • Just let it go. You made a mistake and youve learnt not to do it again. you're still young, and its almost good in a way that this happened now. Imagine if it was with a guy who you were engaged to? Or maybe even carrying his baby? Worrying won't change anything nor get you anywhere, youve done the right thing by telling him, and im sure you will forgive yourself soon. Just give yourself time 😊

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  • You just do it. That's what happens when you cheat. Accept that you did something stupid and move on with life.

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  • well you should feel bad
    And I am with you boyfriend
    I think you too should really break it off and loose contact
    focus on other stuff, get your mind out of it
    don t do smthng stupid though please

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  • You told him the truth when a lot of people wouldn't, you feel real remorse for what you did. You're far better than most people that cheat. That being said you should leave him be, he deserves someone that would never cheat on him and you deserve someone you would never even think of cheating on.

    Forgiving yourself will take time. Just try to be a better person.

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  • You let go and forgive yourself by doing the right thing and let him go and be happy and find love again, it's selfish holding on to someone who you hurt, if you love that person that much then let them go. Then after that you'll be able to forgive yourself and learn from your mistakes the hard way!

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  • Nice job.

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  • Jeezus. Under 18, and already got a boyfriend, cheat and drink. Slow down girl!

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