Should I pursue?

13 years ago I had a friend who I shared a lot of time with, we worked & played together, we waited for each other to get off work & stayed up all night, when not working we also shared time together, he felt like my boyfriend that I was not sleeping w/. I waffled, I loved him but often thought of him as a brother or did not want to risk the friendship, him? I don't know, his friends told me he was in love with me. We touched,hugged,spooned on the couch but it never went beyond that, we acted like we were dating but weren't. Our friends told us the sexual tension could be cut with a knife. This went on for months,then 1 night, we had too much to drink & were watching a movie together & he made a move to what lead to an all night make out session but I stopped at sex, I was afraid the next morning he would "be weird" so no sex. The next am it was weird, he was mad I could tell, why I am not sure, but I left.The next week I said something to him about it and not wanting it to ruin our friendship & I cannot remember exactly what he said, something along the lines of don't worry I rather doubt it will happen again & I do not want a relationship now, I left him & it alone. One of the next nights,some of my guy friends came into the bar,he worked the door that night, he was rude to them when they came in, I asked him why? which lead to a fight, I told him he was acting jealous& he told me I had put him a bad position he insinuated they wanted free admission... his friends continued to tell me he was in love & felt rejected that night or something along those lines.. .this other girl had been around for weeks at that time & would come see him at work, he would blow her off & tell me that was someone his roommate used to f&^%... we had made plans to go to a party together that weekend but we were not talking, so I called him the day of to see if we were still going & he told me no, he was going with someone else, he showed up with her, we spent the entire night looking at each other but never talking, he went home and f*&^ed her, I know because his roommates called me the next morning to tell me I was a fool & needed to fight for him, to which I replied no, he told me how he felt, I was not going to make a fool of myself. Weeks went by & they became an item, we only saw each other at work and I took care of his dog when she was staying at his house because she hated the dog, it was uncomfortable, she hated me I could tell,something was still there between us, I could tell, but I played it very cool, he still would come to things we had made plans to prior to all of this & bring her, then he told me one night after 6 wks he was moving with her to NM, I wished him well told him I missed him, he told me he missed me. He moved & married her, I got married, now he is divorced, I am getting divorced, he found me on FB, we have exchanged some friendly emails catching each other up, I want to know if it is worth seeing if something is still there or leave it as it was 13 years ago.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Your problem started with this sentence "... all night make out session but I stopped at sex, I was afraid the next morning he would "be weird" so no sex. The next am it was weird, he was mad I could tell, why I am not sure, but I left."

    You may have led him on and then stopped. That could build resentment and it sounds like it did.

    13 years later you will both be different people. Especially with marriages under your belt. Question is whether you can start with a clean slate -- hopefully you can.

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    • If only this site was here 13 years ago and all of this could have been prevented! ;-)

  • People can change in 13 years, but you might as well give it a shot. Maybe it works out, maybe it doesn't, but it seems to me like you've got nothing to lose by trying.

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