Should I/why be friends with my ex girlfriend?

Honestly I am wondering why should I be friends with my ex girlfriend. I have taken sometime away from her and taken a break for my life, a mini vacation from my everyday life. I realized that I didn't feel that appreciated by her, on some levels. Like in the first 12 months of our relationship she use to wait for me at a bus stop for 5 - 10 min just to see me. She stopped doing that in our final 4 months of our relationship and different little small things like that. Also she would cut back time to see me once a week or less. She would go out with guy friends to lunch and would complain to me about how little time she had for everything else. We then went on and off for the 4 months, I called a break, got back together, then she broke it off, saying her love for me had faded, that we just didn't have enough time for each other and that she would like to remain friends. She also went on about how great I was and stuff like the ideal guy to settle down with, in her eyes I am the type of guy she would like to settle down with, but not to get my hopes up of us getting back together. So we have not talked all that much for 2 months now, she got a new boy friend about 2 - 3 weeks after we split and the guy has already done a home run on her if you know what I mean. She is leaving town in about a year's time, and well I am confused if I should be her friend or not. I am a very forgiving guy, but I am not sure if this has gone to far or should I just put it behind me and move on.

Updates:
I don't want to regret not being her friend, but at the same time I don't want to get hurt again, its a twist and turn kinda thing.
Any opinions are liked.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It will be very hard on you to keep her as a friend. I know this, because I am going through a similar situation with my ex. The fact that you were in love with her, and probably still are, will not make a friendship easy. It is liable to make you frustrated and inhibit your progress in getting over her and getting on with your life. I would say that maybe someday in the future it would be a better possibility, but I don't think that right now is the time to be friends with her. If she really wanted to keep you in her life that badly, she wouldn't have broken up with you. I would say that minimal/no contact would be for the best now. Let her move away to wherever she is going, and then maybe someday you guys can reconnect and become friends.

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    • Thank you for your advice, that is what I was thinking of doing. It will allow her to have her new boy friend in peace, and not have to deal with me in a state of confused emotions for her. I have been tempted to tell her if she try`s to hang around with me to say "Are you happy with your new boy friend? (If Yes) I am not really needed in your life right now, I am your ex, I shouldn't be apart of your life until we are both ready to be friends." What do you think of that?

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    • Well, that is why you need to separate yourself from her now, for sure. Wait a while, and then see how you feel. You may be right, you may never be able to be friends with her because you might just fall for her all over again, and end up getting hurt. That is something for you to think about in the future, but for right now I would concentrate on cutting off communication with her.

    • Ossander, I just want to say your advice was good, I have taken some time apart from her and have been able to straighten my head out a bit. My ex and I have started contact again, and have gone to the point of planning to hang around. She went on to say how she does not want to lose contact with me ever and how she still wants to be very good friends with me and to stay in contact after we are done college.

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What Girls Said 2

  • That is often problem with friendship after a break up knowing that eventually one of the 2 of you will move on so your friendship may depend on how strong of a person you are my best suggestion now is to take some time for your self away from her try and meet some new people and if in time you feel like you can handle talking to her or being friends with her than take advantage of it

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    • Take Advantage of it? I may or may not be her friend, there are things she must prove to me now, like does she respect me, does she know who I am and that list goes on a bit.

  • Sometimes its hard to be friends with someone you love but you have to think if your life would be better having them in it just as a friend or not having them at all if you choose to keep them around it will be hard at first but time heals all wounds

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    • I know ... see that is why I am still sitting on the fence with it.

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    • She may find comfort in you my ex and I do it is easy for us to talk to each other that is one of the reasons we agreed on staying friends we were very happy but in a long distance relationship so things got hard I always had a lot of guy friends in general but if it had created problems in my relationship I would have handled it but we trusted each other the 2 of us being friends is going to takee time but in the end having him to talk to is going to be well worth the fight

    • See the problem is ... she is trying / is moving on from me ... and well I have tired moving on from her but the thing is I listen to my emotions to my gut and everything. They still say I like her, but at the same time don't want to lose her.

What Guys Said 3

  • Don't become friends...just yet. take time distance yourself from her, move on. after a few years if you guys meet again sure you guys can be friend. If you don't and you see her with another guy, you're gonna get hurt.

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  • She sounds like an asshole. I would tell her that by asking you to be friends she is taking too much time away from you seeing your friends, do the same thing she did to you.

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  • you can't be friends with an ex

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