And then suddenly, after talking to his family about long distance he just completely changed his mind.. and we met up and ended things mutually and still wanted to be friends. I never properly asked him what changed his mind and I just went along with things. I do believe its more fun to be single during college but, even after its been a month since a breakup I sort of regret not asking him more why it all suddenly changed.
He would always talk about a future with the both of us and then suddenly he changed his mind. He does have a point because he isn't even sure he will be coming to the same area as me so that around 4 years of being apart.
Most Helpful Guy
In any endeavor we take on, we are initially motivated by inspiration, love, or some similar force. This force is entirely inside ourselves and nobody knows where it comes from, except that it belongs inside each of us.
On the other side of the equation are feelings like doubt, resignation, and further down the scale, fear, anger, resentment etc. The initial flash of inspiration and love that makes you both go: “YES! Let’s do this. I love you and I want to be with you” can over time become influenced by outside forces aka listening to other people’s opinions about what you should do.
I am very firmly for listening to ourselves, and only ourselves. There is no end to what other people think and if we listen to them we will lead scattered lives, especially since no two other people agree 100% on what course we should take. I listen to other people’s ideas; I feed off of their inspiration. But I don’t accept their doubts and advice if it involves me abandoning a project.
It’s clear that, like you said, your ex listened to other people and now, he is not a match to the relationship. There are no rules about whether long distance is good or bad, it just is. It’s up to each person to choose to do it, or not, depending on his or her wishes. But where he is, he is much influenced by outside forces, while you trust your inner guidance. You’re better off being with someone who doesn’t waver.
How many examples are there of people who have faced challenges and overcome them because they believed? This is what history is made of. I know I want to be with someone who believes. It’s fine if he changes his mind, as long as HE changes his mind, not his sister, friend, boss or parent.
You have learned something about yourself here, and about your ex. You have seen your inner voice at work and you know how to listen to it. I suggest you cultivate this, practice listening to your inner voice, not make blanket decisions about what works and what doesn’t.
As it happens, I just met someone very special while at a conference in Shanghai. She lives in France and I live in San Diego. I’m just thrilled at the prospect for the future and she is coming to visit me for Thanksgiving, Christmas exc. In my mind, if things continue to work out between US (not my friends etc), I’m sure we will end up living together.
I know you want to be with someone who is steadfast in his commitment to you. This man was close, so celebrate that. And now, continue to focus on the love in you which1
Most Helpful Girl
if there is a love.. distances are no problem. I have a relation to my love is in the usa and im in turkey0