Boyfriend doesn't want to long distance suddenly?

My boyfriend and I dated for 2 years. From the beginning he was so sure about doing long distance when I leave for university, which is in another continent. I always had my doubts but he always asked me that are you really going to give up without even trying? And I did want to try. He means so much to me. By the end of 2 years I was so convinced long distance would work

And then suddenly, after talking to his family about long distance he just completely changed his mind.. and we met up and ended things mutually and still wanted to be friends. I never properly asked him what changed his mind and I just went along with things. I do believe its more fun to be single during college but, even after its been a month since a breakup I sort of regret not asking him more why it all suddenly changed.

He would always talk about a future with the both of us and then suddenly he changed his mind. He does have a point because he isn't even sure he will be coming to the same area as me so that around 4 years of being apart.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • In any endeavor we take on, we are initially motivated by inspiration, love, or some similar force. This force is entirely inside ourselves and nobody knows where it comes from, except that it belongs inside each of us.

    On the other side of the equation are feelings like doubt, resignation, and further down the scale, fear, anger, resentment etc. The initial flash of inspiration and love that makes you both go: “YES! Let’s do this. I love you and I want to be with you” can over time become influenced by outside forces aka listening to other people’s opinions about what you should do.

    I am very firmly for listening to ourselves, and only ourselves. There is no end to what other people think and if we listen to them we will lead scattered lives, especially since no two other people agree 100% on what course we should take. I listen to other people’s ideas; I feed off of their inspiration. But I don’t accept their doubts and advice if it involves me abandoning a project.

    It’s clear that, like you said, your ex listened to other people and now, he is not a match to the relationship. There are no rules about whether long distance is good or bad, it just is. It’s up to each person to choose to do it, or not, depending on his or her wishes. But where he is, he is much influenced by outside forces, while you trust your inner guidance. You’re better off being with someone who doesn’t waver.

    How many examples are there of people who have faced challenges and overcome them because they believed? This is what history is made of. I know I want to be with someone who believes. It’s fine if he changes his mind, as long as HE changes his mind, not his sister, friend, boss or parent.

    You have learned something about yourself here, and about your ex. You have seen your inner voice at work and you know how to listen to it. I suggest you cultivate this, practice listening to your inner voice, not make blanket decisions about what works and what doesn’t.

    As it happens, I just met someone very special while at a conference in Shanghai. She lives in France and I live in San Diego. I’m just thrilled at the prospect for the future and she is coming to visit me for Thanksgiving, Christmas exc. In my mind, if things continue to work out between US (not my friends etc), I’m sure we will end up living together.

    I know you want to be with someone who is steadfast in his commitment to you. This man was close, so celebrate that. And now, continue to focus on the love in you which

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    • Wow thank you so much for your response. The thing is I also had a lot of second thoughts and I myself keep swinging between whether this is right or wrong. But then I tell myself I'm young and I should just let go. If it's meant to be, we'll find our way back to each other. I thought of telling him about my feelings but, it seems too late and also when i do talk about the break up he says he doesn't regret it because we have no other choice and its the most practical thing to do, which is right.

Most Helpful Girl

  • if there is a love.. distances are no problem. I have a relation to my love is in the usa and im in turkey

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What Guys Said 2

  • I'm sorry about your situation, but the truth is it's the right call. Long distance is much more difficult than people realize. I have friends that have had partners that they've been with for even 6 years and about to be engaged only for the relationship to tank after just one year of long distance. My roommate for example was with his girlfriend for 3 years and he was going to propose, but they did long distance and ended up breaking up as well. For every successful long distance relationship, I can think of 10+ failed ones.
    It's best you broke it off when things were still well, trust me you don't want to let a relationship rot before breaking up, it ruins the memories. Who knows, 5 years from now you might get in touch again.

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  • His parents told him it was stupid. Because it is.

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    • How is it stupid? He told me how it doesn't seem practical and everything and I agreed but before when I would try to bring it up he would never agree with me

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    • Uh.. he definitely isn't fucking his sister so.. yeah. thanks anyways

    • You know... you never know.

What Girls Said 0

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