Need urgent help to get my ex back?

So my ex of a year broke up with me 2 weeks ago because she didn't love me anymore. However, I now know the real reason she did after basically obsessing over relationship psychology. I now know she broke up because I became way too clingy and attached to her. This caused a lot of problems that i wasn't even aware of at the time. I started getting jealous and doubting her and I oushed her away myself. I became like a child in the relationship and I know how big of a turn off it is. Seriously, it was all my fault. I did my best by her and thought I was a good boyfriend because I was sweet and caring, but I now know that's only the tip of the iceberg.
She's coming over in two days to drop off one of my shirts. We haven't talked for a week and her texts were very friendly when I asked if she could bring back my shirt. I messed up big time right after she broke up with me by sending her some very long texts basically begging for her to come back. I know that this is the only shot I'll ever have at winning her back and I badly need advice. A mutual friend has told me that she's been very sad about the break-up as well.
So breaking news, I texted her asking if she could also bring my flatmate's tuppeware and she said sure I'll just drop ot off downstairs. She doesn't even want to see me for 10seconds. I can't believe this. I can't believe that after all that history she does this. I was so fucking good to her and she's making me feel like falling in love with her was my mistake and that I was stupid for it like everything is my fault for having a fucking heart with feelings, it's not fair and so hurtfull


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What Girls Said 1

  • Of course she is sad. y'all were together for a year I think anyone would be sad about breaking up no matter the circumstances. If she doesn't still have feeling for you then don't try to push it or force anything.

    • I was thinking of apologising to her about first how I behaved the first couple days after the break up and then for ever doubting her and not full trusting her. I also want to apologise for becoming so needy and obsessive with her and not listening to what she really wanted. I want to apologise for not respecting her wishes and forgetting that she's an individual too. Can I pm you exactly what I want to say to her? I don't want it to come off as me trying to win her over, I really want it to be sincere and then let her go. I know she's going on vacation next week for 10 days so I want her to leave with good thoughts about me so she hopefully misses me a lot and comes back. However, if I don't say things properly and make it seem like I am trying to get her back she'll never ever take me back.

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    • I don't want to go for coffee if it's her just looking for some comfort from me. I want her to miss me so much that she regrets her decision and wants me back. I'm just terrified that if I say no and she was having regrets they wouldn't come out unless we had coffee. Who knows though, she is a very headstrong individual so she probably won't even ask and I'm giving myself false
      hope again. Dammit, it sucks knowing where the relationship went wrong and knowing that you actually can work it out but the other person is not willing. It's such a horrible feeling.

    • Has she said that she isn't willing to work things out?

What Guys Said 1

  • you need to be very careful here. just because she has been sad dont read into it that she does love you... she said she doesn't and if you start on at her when she brings your stuff back i think you run a high risk of losing any chance of friendship too. just be polite, friendly and show her that you are not the needy guy she thinks you are and perhaps in time she may come back. anything else you are sure to push her further away and in the meantime stop letting it rule your thoughts. go out do stuff and meet new people

    • I want to apologise to her and make it sincere, I want her to walk away with good thoughts about me. You can read above to get an idea of what I want to say.

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    • One thing I don't get is that it's been nearly 2 weeks since the break-up (even though it feels like it was just yesterday) and she still hasn't hanged her fb profile pic which is the both of us together. I even asked her to change it last week, last time we spoke, and she said no I like that picture.

    • I have another question. She's coming in the morning at 10am and I wouldn't be surprised if she asked if we could get some coffee (I live in a central area with many cafes and restaurants within a very short walk amd that was sort of our thing).
      I just want to be prepared for any outcomes. If she does ask, should I go? I don't want her to think I can be her friend because I can't but what if she wants to get back together? Should I say no? I was thinking of telling her this: Thanks for the offer and you know there's no one else that I enjoy spending more time with than you, but I've only now started to put you in my past and I can't risk giving myself false hope, it wouldn't be fair to either of us. I cannot be just friends with you and if you ever chnage your mind let me know, otherwise please don't do anything that might string me along.

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