He's not the man I thought he was, and it's scary. I know what I need to do, but not how?

I met him at a college rodeo. He was really charming and funny. We exchanged numbers and talked for months. We lived four hours away and eventually he would come see me on the weekends. I never took trips to go visit him because I was a broke college girl who had classes 6 days a week. But now that I've graduated, living just 45 minutes away, I am able to go down to see him.
Nope. He won't allow it. I'm realizing nothing he has told me about himself is true.
He's told me he's a horse trainer, primarily with BLM Mustangs yet he refuses to go riding with me on my beginner-safe horse.
I try chatting about horse training- he doesn't even understand basic horse jargon.
He's reluctant to hang out with my family and refuses to go with me if I meet up with my friends. I want to meet his parents, but there is never a good time. He's tried talking me into dumping my friends. "I don't think you need to hang out with her." "I don't like you associating with them." My friends are 4-H community volunteers; not like I'm running with a wild crowd.
He tried to talk me into dropping out of school, claiming it was a waste of time.
But to make matters worse, his character has changed. His temper is worse. He's adamant about carrying his gun. I'm not bothered by the gun itself, since I was raised with people who carry, but his paranoia and temper. About every time someone walks passed our car in a parking lot, or someone knocks on the front door, the gun is drawn.
I don't think it's right to break up a long term relationship through text, but he refuses to answer his phone, and I'm too intimidated by him to do it in person. He seems like a different man since I am out of school. He's not the guy I thought he was. If anyone, girl or guy, has had some kind of similar relationship, I'd like to hear some advice or input. I feel like an idiot for staying with someone this long, but it really did go well when I was in school. I didn't have much of a reason to break it off then.


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • I'm glad that you know that you need to get far, far away from this guy but the sooner, the better. My concern is that since you've put up with him for so long, he actually has some pull over you. Whatever you do, do it as soon as possible and be safe!


What Girls Said 2

  • I'm afraid for you. I know you must be thinking along the lines of he draws his gun on every random thing, what if you tell him in his face that you want to have a break? Would he then turn his gun on you, or even become abusive?

    It must've hurt to see someone change like this, but you should stay safe yourself. Text him what you need to and end it off. Change your email and change your phone number thereafter. You don't need him controlling your life. Your partner should be encouraging you and not dissuading you to break off from your friends and stop school. Honestly, he is trying to break you off from the world. That is scary in itself.

    You don't know his background or his real identity. Glad you know that it's time to end it. I've had a similar issue before, months ago. I got to know a person, online, though we never officially hang out, we just kept it long distance for 1.5 year. Sadly, he is not who he is. False identity too, for what reasons I could never understand. He basically lied about everything and I had to find out myself after all that time that even his name and pictures were all fake. He stole it all from some other guy. Tbh, there's nothing wrong or idiotic about liking someone. Sometimes it's just how far we would go to forgive and accept the wrong ones who shouldn't be in our lives at all.

    Stay strong!

  • You aren't an idiot , you just trusted him way more than he deserved. Personally, I'd cut all means of contact. He doesn't deserve an explanation.

    You have finally seen through his false persona.


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