Where do I stand with my ex girlfriend?

We broke up 6 days ago. It wasn't a nasty break up, we didn't break up over anything horrible or one of us cheating on the other. I became needy in the last 3 weeks when we were apart then when she got back she had decided that we should end things now before we have arguments like she did with her exes. The reason is because I won't see her for 4 months so things between us might get worse.

Can I ask a mutual friend where I stand right now with her, how she feels truly? I'm prepared for the worse but I don't want her to think I'm obsessive and possessive for asking our friend how she feels.

I'm currently not speaking to her as I want some space to get on with my own thing for a while.



Most Helpful Girl

  • I would give it at least another week or so before you ask the friend. I'm assuming that the friend is a girl, and in that case you can bet that she's going to tell your ex that you asked about her, and she'll probably tell her the same day you ask her!

    I have to ask, what do you hope to achieve by asking the friend how your ex feels? If you want to do your own thing for awhile, you're not in a place to get back together with her, so what do you want? Closure never really happens in a break-up, unfortunately.

    • Actually it is a gay friend we both share and he will know more about what she feels about this situation. I don't really want closure, just to see what the truth is right now as she told me that we will see what happens in september but told a group of mutual friends that she doesn't think we will get back together. I would like to see if the second comment was has any true weight to it. I appreciate she might change in the next 4 months so the answer I get might be right now but could change 2mo

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What Guys Said 1

  • Since you became "needy" I'm going to tell you that you should move on totally and not contact her again in any way. First of all she felt that she should end things because she felt that you were going to be like her exes and that's a red flag. Second when you break up because of a reason like that it means that she already has someone else in her sites to be with because she sees them more as a man. Just take this as a learning experience. Moving on shows her that you didn't NEED her but you wanted her. See the difference? By chasing her you send the signals that you are desperate for just someone to be with and can care less about the person. By moving on and acually having a life you look more attractive. So work on yourself. Get new clothes, hang with friends and family, enjoy your hobbies, start dating other women (but don't look for another girlfriend or even talk to other girls about your ex), work on your grades and or your promotion, these are starters... It's time to focus on YOU. Please understand that she has already moved on and can care less about your feelings for her. DO NOT be friends with her no matter what. You should never allow yourself to be put in the "friend zone" because that also shows that you "need" her in your life and that does nothing except help her and cause you misery when she's dating other men. This can be a blessing, but you have to move on, be patient, and work on your game.

    • I agree it was a red flag, I kinda knew that anyway. But I doubt its nothing to do with another guy. We share all the same friends here. her last relationships have been long distance and lasting many years. I already know WHY we split up, I just wanted to know if it was safe to ask a mutual friend what she really thinks as I've heard 2 different opinions and really want just the one from someone who she would have talked to about it. Thanks for your reply though

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