Is she letting me off easy?

My girlfriend and I broke up last Friday, our second breakup. Main reason of breakup is that she feels she doesn't have the same attraction/feelings for me as she once did. Tbh, i think the problem is that im very lazy, late to work often and sit on my ass playing computer games too much. Anyhow, last time we got back together I think she gave it another chance because after we broke up I did things like GYM, and went out more and just did stuff and wanted to work on myself. That failed after we got back together though, i got back to my comfort zone and here i am 5 weeks later again without her. I think she's very dissapointed and kinda had enough. I think that if I start working on myself, apply for college, get a job i actually like, stop sitting all day doing nothing and being a lazy ass our relationship deserved 1 more chance as we've been together for 2 years now I am her first and it feels wrong to break up a 2 year relationship that i feel can be worked on. I'm not going to bother even trying to get her back with me right now, but i feel like if I can improve and work on myself without only it being for her but myself for a fair amount of time (1-2) months at least, she might see the relationship working out if I truly have made an effort to change things and not it being bullshit like last time. Back to my point though, I told her that I don't know if i want to be friends, especially if we are going to go out and party and stuff, that it would only drag me down to see her on snapchat etc and then talking to her. and she said she really does not want to lose contact with me and she feels that we really need each other as we are best friends and trust each other with everything.
So i wanna ask, what is she thinking? why does she seem to want us to be friends after a breakup, is it a sign she hasn't lost all hope? And do you think that from what iv'e said so far, that we could get back together IF I do the things i know she wants me to do. I'm 21 she's 19.


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What Girls Said 1

  • Okay... you asked, so here's what I think...
    Seems like you're consistently the selfish one in the relationship.

    This is what I'm getting from reading what you wrote:
    -You're lazy. You know it and admit it.
    -Because of your laziness, she broke up with you twice. You also know & admit this.
    -You want to completely break up (i. e. not even remain friends).
    -Only after working on yourself, you expect to pick things up where you left off and try to make it work with her again.
    -You don't want to remain friends because it would drag you down.
    -You like to make excuses for yourself and your relationship & expect her to be okay with it and to just go along with it.

    I say that you're the selfish one in the relationship because everything regarding the future of this relationship is based on YOUR conditions. YOU want to stop being lazy (that's great), YOU want to work on yourself (also great), YOU want to get your life in order, YOU want to stop being friends until you've worked on yourself, etc. While wanting to work on yourself is great, you're not giving her any options. YOU want to break things off completely so that YOU can work on yourself, and you use the excuse that it's because YOU don't want to be dragged down by her, see her at parties, etc.

    She's telling you exactly what she wants... she wants to remain friends because she cares for you enough to still want to be in your life... even if it's not as your girlfriend. She may want you to get your life in order, but that doesn't mean she doesn't want you in her life. BUT, by you saying that you should not remain friends, it's like telling her that you don't want her in your life at all. After you've worked on yourself, why would she want to get back with you or give you another chance if you completely cut her out of your life before that... and then suddenly expect to get back together because you changed? You're expecting her to just go along with all of your plans and wait for you, as if her universe revolves around you.

    Why can't you work on yourself AND work on your relationship with her? Those two are not mutually exclusive. Why does one have to be compromised because of the other; that is, why does your relationship with her (even just remaining friends) have to suffer because you need time to work on yourself? Seems like you're making excuses for yourself.

    If I were her, I would have dropped you long ago because I couldn't imagine having to put up with your bullshit excuses.

    • Why can't you work on yourself AND work on your relationship with her?

      I really want to make this work between us, but as i failed last time to get off my ass and do something, I want to try and prove to myself that either way our relationship goes, that i can change. I personally just find it hard to be in contact with her while having the thought that we are breaking up. I didnĀ“t really tell her that i didn't want to be friends, I told her that if we were to have contact the upcoming weeks, I needed us to have respect for each other, i did not include this before but she went to a party and downtown the day after she broke up with me and was looking hot in a Halloween costume. and to me I felt like she wasn't considering how i'd feel about that. Anyway, I told her i did not want to be friends if we could not respect each others feelings and i didn't think by going out she was respecting mine.

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