She broke up with me because she doesn't want a relationship "right now", move on or keep trying?

Hi,
Two days ago I broke up with my girlfriend of six months. We were best friends for 4 years before, and she liked me deeply for those 4 years - but I didn't feel the same way. In April we got into a relationship, and the first few months were perfect. Things quickly started dying down on about the fourth month - frequent arguments, mainly based on the fact she always had something bad to say.
We broke up on Thursday, and I saw her on Friday and Saturday, as friends, although we did kiss and got quite close - I guess we're just adjusting.
When we broke up on Thursday, she said it was "to repair our friendship first and then try again." she told all her friends and family that she doesn't want a relationship with any other person, but wants to try again with me when she does want a relationship. Last night on the phone she mentioned she wants us to move on - and "do things" with other people, though she still doesn't want a relationship at all.
I won't stop trying to have that perfect relationship we both had, I love this girl very much - first love, and we honestly expected it to last "forever".
Do you think I should just do me and keep just friends with her, waiting for her to hopefully come back - or keep chasing her, showing her what she's missing (somehow)?
Thanks, your response is really appreciated.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I wouldn't keep chasing her, and can the friendship really repair when you still have feelings and urges towards her? Usually some distance is needed the go back to being friends.
    Saying no to a relationship with you but wanting to try again later, and then saying she wants to "do things" with other people is trying to have have her cake, purchase more cakes and eat all of those while keeping your cake in the cupboard at home until she feels like your flavour. If she really cared for you she wouldn't ask you to wait while she has her fun

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Ok, I know this is heart breaking, but if she genuinely wanted to be with you and you only, you'd both still be together. She also said she is interested in seeing other people, this is strike - 2. What is happening is, right now she knows you are a great guy, but she also knows there are lots of other great, and different, guys out there that she wants to experience. She isn't ready to settle down already in life. She wants to have some variety. Don't listen to her when she said she doesn't want a relationship with anyone right now. In about a month or so this will all change once she does meet some other guy that peaks her interest. She will date other guys. So the question is, what do you do? Short answer, you forget her and move on. Why? Because you will sit around for months, then years waiting for her only to watch her date one dick head after another and never give you the time of day except "friendly" hugs once in a while. She will keep saying things like, "maybe one day, but not ready yet..." This is all bullshit. All she is doing is putting you in a bottle and storing you on a shelf, never to be used. This way she never feels guilty about flat out telling you "NO" so she can continue seeing everyone else. She takes comfort in knowing that you are always there in case nothing else works out, she could always run back to you. But this means you are only her "back up" or "last resort". Don't fall for that because you'll just be the last guy on a long list. During this time, you think you have a chance and you sit around like a lost puppy, but in reality what happens is, you waste 3 years of your life and possibly missing out on someone else who is even better than she is. Again, to summarize, forget her and move on.

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    • I respect your honest and detailed answer, but I honestly believe her when she says she sees a future with us. Since my original post, she's been upset cause she still wants to be with me but "doesn't know why". I still think there's a chance, and I will move on the moment I see her getting in a relationship with someone that isn't me, that way I know for sure.

    • I wish you the best of luck!

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What Girls Said 4

  • Try no contact for a couple weeks. She will worry she is losing you and come back with a new appreciation for you. It's not 100 percent but works most of the time. If she asks why you stopped calling tell her you just need time to heal. And block her facebook. Avoid all contact.

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  • Saw the title, didn't read the description... Move on. Don't wait around for anyone. Do your thing, people who are meant to be in your life will find a reason to stay.

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  • So what I'm reading and interpreting from this is that your ex was with you for 6 months (4 years of friendship) then broke up with you because she doesn't feel like she wants a relationship right now? But she has told you that the both of you could go see other people?

    Well I think she broke up with you because the "romance" has died and now she is going to date other people. I feel like her not wanting a relationship is an excuse (a cover up) from what is really the case.

    I would move on. If she was the one to break up with you, you shouldn't even get romantic with her.

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  • Move on dude. Actions speak louder than words

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What Guys Said 3

  • Every young couple in their first relationship expects that their love will last forever. We have all experienced that heartbreak and the awful feeling of doom when our perfect world collapses. It is always difficult and the way that you handle this will begin a pattern for how you handle breakups later in life. (Unfortunately, this is probably not the last breakup you will ever experience.)

    "Last night on the phone she mentioned she wants us to move on - and "do things" with other people, though she still doesn't want a relationship at all." You must realize that what she is saying is inconsistent; she is not being honest with you, perhaps because she is not being honest with herself.

    You tried to have a relationship and it failed. The failure was not a random event or a chance occurrence; it happened for reasons that relate to who you are and who she is. If you reunite now, you will soon rediscover the reasons that you broke up the first time.

    You need to learn some lessons from this experience. Despite the fact that you love her, maybe she wasn't the right girl for you and that means you made a bad choice. Maybe when she started saying bad things, you reacted in a way that made things worse. Don't obsess about it but do reflect on the experience, determine how you contributed to the problems and then ask yourself how you can avoid repeating your mistakes.

    Move forward with y our life. You will probably convince yourself that you should try to remain friends with her but that is almost always a mistake. You will be holding on to the hope that you will reunite rather than moving forward. Can you really be just a friend with her? Do you want to hear her talk about dating some other guy and how wonderful he is?

    Try to leave bitterness behind you because you are the one who will pay the price if you hold on to unpleasant feelings. Make peace with her, say goodbye, learn your lessons, and move forward. Good luck!

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    • Thank you, I really appreciate your comment.
      The thing is, she always tells me that she wants us to be together. Her friends tell me the same thing. I honestly don't think she's lying, though I do believe she could be a little confused with exactly what she want's at the moment. In fact, I know this because she is upset about the same thing - we both want to be together, but we need to work on repairing our friendship and then our relationship.
      For the while, I'm going to stay good friends with her - be supportive, and show her exactly the reasons that she loves me and wants to be with me. She said how we've always got over our issues together, and I honestly believe it will be the same in this case.
      At the moment, I'm just focused on trying to get her back. I've promised myself that if she moves on romantically, I will do the same. Until then, I don't expect to go out looking for a new relationship.
      Thank you again for your comments.

    • The most confusing part is her statement that she wants to "to move on and do things with other people." Of course, I don't think he is trying to consciously deceive you but she herself is confused about what she wants.

      Good luck!

    • You were right, time to move on. Thanks again for the comments.

  • First off she wants to go sleep with other guys. That's what it sounds like. But before you got all depressed, your 17 which means it's highly likely it wasn't going to lead to marriage anyway. So move on and have fun. life goes on.

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  • She is bullshiting you , she just doesn't want to be you anymore or for now, she wants to go out and have fun with other guys and if she does not end up finding someone else she will go back to you, so yeah you are basically her back up plan bruh, she said she didn't want relationships , and then transitions into the part of "do things" with other people, what do you think this is? while she was with you she was finding stuff to argue about , she was just looking for excuses to break up, dont you find this odd? she doesn't love you like you do, as soon as you break up she wants to go out and do things with other people, this just didn't happen over night probably while you were still together she already had this mindset , thats why she was always arguing with you probably over irrelevant stuff, cut the contact , she doesn't deserve you , iknow it is hard but you dont wanna be the guy she goes to when she feels lonely, move on.

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