I got put into the friends with benefits category. Should I be taking this personally?

Don't laugh but I created a Tinder because I thought I could meet a sweet guy I could have a serious relationship with. (Again, don't laugh). I didn't realize how much people used it for hookups, I just thought it was a normal dating app.
Long story short, I met a guy on there, went on a few dates with him thinking he was also looking for a girlfriend, and I slept with him on the 3rd date because I liked him. This is the first time I ever let a man have sex with me that soon. I regret it.
After that, he didn't put in much effort at all and ended up treating my like a fuck buddy for the next few encounters we had after that. I'm really sad because I feel hurt that he wouldn't see me as girlfriend material. I have always held myself with respect, dignity, have been positive, warm, fun, and kind on my dates with men. I hold myself well but I messed up by giving into sex. I just found out this morning that he has a brand new serious girlfriend. I feel like awful because I feel like I could have been that girl if only I had held out on the sex and made him work for me instead. Do you agree? If not, please give me insight.
I am taking this so personally and feel so humiliated in front of him. How can I feel better about this?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Don't beat yourself up. If he was truly into you, you'd still be seeing each other. He had it in his head you were only a hookup. Don't think if you waited he would have stuck around because it is also just as likely he would have given up on you and moved on since he only wanted sex. Sorry to hear about this, but just remember there are lots of great guys out there! Keep trying and have faith in us!

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    • Okay, I hope so! So basically, if he was really into me, he would have wanted to give a relationship a shot right?

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    • If you two kept dating and everything was fine, you wouldn't be second guessing yourself. The problem here is that he lost interest and moved on. Like it said, I don't think he was really that into in the first place, or he simply didn't feel that chemistry or connection and is moving on.

    • Thank you for your honesty! I appreciate it

Most Helpful Girl

  • I think that's true, girls that have sex to soon or act willing to have too soon fall into friends with benefits category. It sucks cuz if we really like someone we get too over eager to please and often backfires. I have no idea how to change his mind I think once he sees you that way there is no going back accept maybe just don't have sex with him anymore and tell him it was a mistake, that you don't want friends with benefits.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Yes take it personally

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  • No, holding out would have ended things sooner.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Honestly, sounds like he was bouncing a few girls around trying to find someone who clicked in the right place. It absolutely wasn't you (it was him). We need someone who not only clicks for you, but also clicks for them. He wasn't right.

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  • Tinder is not the best place to find a decent boyfriend. You didn't do anything wrong and I don't think that sleeping with him too soon would have changed that. He obviously wasn't looking for a girlfriend at that moment and it doesn't have anything to do with you.

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