Girls, Girlfriend doesn't know how she feels and wants time to think. What should I do?

I've been dating someone for 5 months (She's 33 and I'm 30) and things seemed to be going well until last weekend when she suddenly tells me on the way home from a double date with her friends that she isn't sure how she feels about me and needs time to think. This took me by surprise because:
-She introduced me to her mom 2 weeks ago. My girlfriend then invited me to Thanksgiving, and asked if she could come to Christmas with me.
-She recently talked about a future with me and even mentioned that when her lease is up she would want to move in together (I thought it was a little soon, but went along with the idea).
-She calls me all of the time to talk, and asked me to stay at her place 3 times this past week.
-She was telling her friend who we double dated with how great things were going the night before we went out with them. Then told me.
-she has been very affectionate the entire time and slept with me the night before she told me she was confused.
-There are a bunch of other reasons similar to this that would make one think there was a future.

After telling me how she is unsure about her feelings for me, she then asked if I still wanted to stay the night at her house. Seems odd, right?

I tried to be respectful and give her space on Sunday and Monday, however she called me both days and acted like nothing was wrong. On Sunday, she even asked if I was avoiding her since I didn't call her. Still not sure what she was thinking with that question.

How is it that someone goes from seeming to be very into a relationship to suddenly "not sure"? She and I are supposed to talk in person some time this week. Any advice for how to handle the conversation of things to say/be aware of?


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What Girls Said 2

  • Call her right away.. and be straight out about your worries
    Tell her how much u love or like her aloooooot
    And that u want to do anything to make her comfortable and happy
    You want her to feel secure
    And you are there if she needs to talk anytime
    Being best friends is the best foundation for a relationship

  • I mean by the sounds of it she has some kind of reservation, probably due to something that happened in her past of maybe she just fells a bit nervous about moving forwards with the relationship. (has she been hurt in the past?)
    Anyways the fact she is still contacting you is a good sign. If she was trying to avoid you then you should be more worried.
    I know it sound bizarre that she would want you to stay but maybe she just wanted you as comfort. She may still want to interact with you and speak like you normally would, but maybe she just wants a bit of time without any sexual advances or activities?
    Honestly I know us girls are scary but when you see her just ask her and tell her where your confusion is. Be gentle and calm and understand and not accusatory. Just tell her you don't understand the situation and if she can just explain what she wants and let her know that you are happy to tae certain steps forwards or back to make sure she is happy and comfortable in the relationship as it progresses :)
    I really hope this helps :)
    good luck!

    • Hi, your feedback sounds really good. Definitely helpful.

      Yes, she has been hurt in the past. She has told me that she has picked a lot of selfish guys in the past. She also ended an engagement about 3 or 4 years ago.

      When she brought up her reservations about us, I did try to stay calm. I listened to her, although she kept saying she didn't know why she felt this way, and that I am everything she wants in a partner. I did my best to convey that I was confused by what she was saying, given that she always told me and her friends how great things were going for us. Also, she has been the one initiating the conversations about the future. We did date for about a month earlier this year, and went our own ways for a little over a month (she ended things), but then she initiated the reconnection after we ran into each other one day in the city. I just find it odd that someone can pursue me so much, then suddenly run away.

    • Additionally, why would she accuse me of avoiding her when she called me? She asked for space and I was respecting that. Then she called me while I was out at a work event the next night. I missed the call, but texted her and said I would call her on my way home from the event. She said ok. I called later on, she didn't pick up, then I received a text from her the next day saying I wasn't giving her space to think. How am I not giving her space if she is the one initiating the conversation by calling me?

    • It sounds like she has been through some difficult situations, I was with someone very selfish for 2 years from 14 to 16 years old. I am a very loving person and I always put my heart into everything. When I got with my second boyfriend, it made it very difficult for me to settle and learn to trust him, even though I asked him out because he was so sweet and i knew he would take care of me. Sometimes our experiences really effect us.
      All she needs is for you to treat her well and take care of her like she is your prize possesion and slowly her insecurities (in theory) should fade.
      It does sound like she is very torn and confused and she is probably having a massive battle with herself at the moment and I am sure she is kicking herself for messing you around like she is. I am very sorry you are having to deal with this, I know it must be difficult. If she is worth waiting for then be patient, she will come to you.

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