First breakup: How to let it go?

11 months have passed, I'm still lost and hurt. I don’t know what to do to get better once and for all. After 11 months of a non-committed relationship he ghosted, reappeared when I acknowledged it was over and let him know my feelings for him and how I felt when he left. Said he's broken, he’s a veteran, so I think it’s true. I think he didn’t expect he would hurt me this way and feels guilty. He sent a hi! message 1 month after and said stuff happened.
He's with a white blond, brilliant, wealthy girl and seems VERY OK. They are the perfect image of a white American and his European fiancée. I feel more trashy than shit. I couldn’t avoid comparing with her. I feel used and unworthy to be with someone like him. He told me I am smart but my opinion wasn't needed.
He is a white veteran studying in the capital with his rich friends even though is NOT. I'm French, brown skin, shy who's trying to work in fashion living in the suburb with my family. His life wasn't easy too cause he had behavior issues when his dad died before enrolling in the army. He was in the battlefield and went to college. The reason I admire him so much.
I wrote him twice after we split cause I wanted to know why, he replied but left when I mention his stuff. Last time I asked him straight cause I was tired. Said he can’t give me what I want, that he’s broken and to leave him in peace. I replied I’ll be fine but I thought I could finally ask him.
I was a virgin so it's my 1st breakup. I fell quickly I was trapped. He’s my hero. I know he respect because I'm determined to do the job I want and to put my shit together. I saw his failures, that's why it confuses me. I’m thankful I met him, I d like him to keep the respect he has for me and not remember me as a needy virgin. HOW TO LET IT GO?


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What Guys Said 2

  • In time, it is absolutely vital to put the pain behind you and move forward with your life and love. Otherwise, you are giving away your power to the people who hurt you.

    Sometimes the relationship you need to rescue is the one with yourself. Moving past a breakup is about you, not your ex.

    Don’t start thinking about being friends right away — if ever. You have to be your own friend first.

    Grief is a process to go through, not a destination in which to wallow. In a process, you keep putting one foot in front of the other, and each little step is part of your healing.

    Define your real intentions. Are you trying to move past the breakup, or are you hoping to get back with your ex? You won’t move on until you’ve accepted that the relationship is over.

    Be careful about the language you use. When you use catastrophic terms like “nightmare,” “terrible,” and “horrible,” you’re bound to spend time dwelling on the negative. Focus on what you can do.

    Sometimes you can’t get over being hurt until you know you’ve been heard. Give yourself permission to express your anger and sadness.

    Don’t embarrass yourself or put yourself in a situation where you’ll look back and feel humiliated. Driving past your ex’s house, making dozens of phone calls or e-mailing non-stop is no way to let go of the past or come out with your head high.

    Learn to trust again. Whenever you get involved in a relationship, you know there’s a risk. Don’t let a bad experience keep you from living your life to the fullest. You can go through life suspicious, or loving and laughing.

    Know that you will get hurt if you’re in a relationship. There is no perfect person without flaws. Even a well-intended guy is going to hurt his partner. He’s going to hurt your feelings. He’s going to say things that you don’t want him to say. He’s going to do things you wish he wouldn’t do and not do things you wish he would do. A relationship is an imperfect union between two willing spirits who say, ”I’d rather be in a relationship and share my life, share my joys, share my fun, share my activities, share my life than do it alone.” If you want to be in a relationship, know that getting hurt comes with the territory. You just have to decide that you are durable enough, that you have enough confidence in yourself that you can handle it.

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    • Don’t put your life on hold. Every minute you spend focusing on your ex is a minute that’s holding you back from a better future. “As long you are obsessed on this guy, you will never put your heart, soul and mind into getting your life in order and starting another relationship if you want one.” Set some goals and start putting your life back together.

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    • You will only ever be as great as the people you surround yourself with, so be brave enough to let go of those who keep bringing you down. You shouldn’t force connections with people who constantly make you feel less than amazing.

      If someone makes you feel uncomfortable and insecure every time you’re with them, for whatever reason, they’re probably not close friend material. If they make you feel like you can’t be yourself, or if they make you “less than” in any way, don’t pursue a connection with them. If you feel emotionally drained after hanging out with them or get a small hit of anxiety when you are reminded of them, listen to your intuition. There are so many “right people” for you, who energize you and inspire you to be your best self. It makes no sense to force it with people who are the wrong match for you.

    • Your life is yours alone. Others can try to persuade you, but they can’t decide for you. They can walk with you, but not in your shoes. So make sure the path you decide to walk aligns with your own intuition and desires, and don’t be scared to switch paths or pave a new one when it makes sense.

      Remember, it’s always better to be at the bottom of the ladder you want to climb than the top of the one you don’t.

  • écouter let it go de le film Frozen 😛😜😜😜

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What Girls Said 1

  • Oh boy. Take it as a lesson - take what you can from it and learn. Move on. We all have had our heart broken several times in a lifetime. Sadly - it won't be the last.

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