I can't move on from my ex and I don't know what to do anymore?

It's been two years since we've talked and i'm scared ill never move on. We dated for over a year and he was the most romantic person I've ever met - he sent me 20 love letters begging to get me back or even talk to him after we broke up. I tried to move on quickly and dated a new guy for a year, who ended up to be my best friend, but we had zero connection, romance, or passion, which only enhanced my desire to feel what I felt for my ex again. What I felt with him was pure magic, and what sucks is that he promised he'd always be mine if I came back to him - he'd wait forever.

Problem is, we broke up for VERY good reasons, he cheated constantly, was mixed up with drugs and drinking, and was really fucked up. I just can't forget our connection. I have tried and it's like a magnetic pull everywhere I go and I'm starting to freak out, after two years of a healthy happy life, he still follows me everywhere. Should I contact him? Try to be friends so my mind calms down and I stop CONSTANTLY thinking about him?

And yes, I have gone to therapy and nothing is helping. I think the only thing that would help is to meet someone who makes me feel as strongly, but at this point I think it's impossible.


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What Guys Said 3

  • Maybe you saw the wrong therapist. Sounds like you're stuck ruminating about him a lot, and alllwing yourself to be driven by automatic thoughts. Sure, it could've been a great connection, but he obviously didn't treat you right, or himself for that matter. je could be a good personality match for you, but he's apparently got some destructive behaviors that don't mix with what you want. Being friends with him won't work. You'll probably only want him more (because he'll be around you), and the same for him; things will happen and here you are in the same situation and cycle of drugs and being cheated on again. You've gotta let it go.

  • What did the therapist say or suggest?

    I understand getting hung up like that, it happens as people connect. But you can connect in a "sick" way that will destroy you. A tug boat attached to teh Titanic would not be healthy for long while it was sinking?

    If the guy has cleaned up his act because he wants to, then I say go back... so explore that. But you need to see evidence of those things, see that he is a changed person before advancing. If not, then you have to break those chains... and that means not dating anyone... suffering until you've let him go.

    Love is a strange beast... not always a good thing because we are all damaged. The fact you are having a hard time may mean you have some deep seated emotional stuff to work out on your own. But the fact you left him is a positive, says you have some strength or self worth, which is good.

  • You're still young, you shouldn't be caught up on a guy when his bad outweighs the good.


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