Why does the dumper seem to move on so quickly?

My ex dumped a month ago and im still reeling. We were together 2 years. He dumped me over text after just hours earlier saying he loved me so much and that we had a great future ahead of us.
He, by all accounts loved me... he not only said it but showed it in all sorts of ways. But since the breakup, he won't talk to me, he's cruel the very few times weve talked (all over text mind you) he's a different person. And he's not seeing anyone and even mutual friends think he's acting very strange. But from what they say, he's also starting to be somewhat back to his happy self. How can someone that says they love me dump me so callously and now act like it never happened or that i even existed. His 8 yr old son cries for me and misses me. and he can't even tell him we split. This guy has no balls to tell me what went wrong or tell his son the truth (he told him i work a lot).
ugh... as bad as it is, i still deeply love him and its not this new version of him... its the sweet gentle guy i grew to love. But why can he move on so easily?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I have been where you are. I think most of the time men know in their mind way in advance. It is not that they are emotionless a holes, but they have emotions they don't always show. He was probably thinking about it for a long time, But here is the deal, men would rather bite off their fingers then have an emotional talk with you. They don't want to see women emotional, they don't like the conflict, they don't know what to do. That is why he acts angry. Listen when I say this. He is not angry at you, but is using the angry action to put up a wall. He has to be mad at you, or he can't move on. I am telling you this as an older person. He can't tell you what went wrong right now, it is too fresh. You have to step back, give me some space. Take him out of your thoughts if possible but for sure out of your life. Give him time. My best advice, don't contact him for 4 weeks. Make him miss you. It will work even if he doesn't reach out to you, after that time, face him, either with a personal letter or talk to him face to face. You will get your answers if not before. Trust me! Best of luck

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    • Thank you, i am 2 weeks in with being silent... its rough. Especially with the holidays. Im doing longer than 4 weeks and if i dont hear from him by his bday in mid jan ill reach out.

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    • i agree , thank you so much!

    • thanks for the MHO!!!

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What Guys Said 4

  • It may not be a matter of moving on easily. However, I don't know both sides so that makes it difficult. So he won't tell you the reason why?

    What I found is that if a guy breaks up first, he goes out etc. and it seems as though he has moved on, but after around a month they start to be upset etc. (happened with me twice).

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  • They are not at the same point you are in when you get dumped. They have already partially processed the end of the relationship and them moving on by the time they actually do break up.
    The only exception to that might be in the scenario of the dumper giving the other person an ultimatum only have whatever line crossed again.

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    • Honestly, i dont think he planned this break up... he was mad at me and we had a fight over his issues with commitment, but we had resolved them i thought because he seemed happy and told me he loved me very much. then dumps me mere hours later. I don't know.

  • The damper makes an exit plan. To the victim it's all accidental.

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  • They have time to emotionally prepare.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Instead of trying to figure out why or how he's feeling, focus on getting yourself happy without him. 💟

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  • You never know what's hiding behind that happy face. My question would be rather why wouldn't you want him to be happy. If you really loved or care about him you'd be happy he's doing better.

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    • why would i care if he's happy? he's the dbag that ripped my heart out and tore it to shreds and never looked back. he doesn't care that I am horribly in pain... why should i care?

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    • maybe, but when we discussed it, he had all sorts of great ideas to combat it and i really thought he made progress by talking openly about that and his emotions. He was mad at me also for not coming to him for financial help when I needed it. I don't know but that might have been a reason he left... why that I don't know.

    • Try to get rid of the perfect picture in your head about him. it's over know so no need to make sense of it anymore unless he's willing to work it out.

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