How do I break up with my boyfriend of 3 years?



I love him still, but I feel myself more and more unhappy every day for the smallest things.

He's off college 5 days a week, and he never wants to spend time with me that isn't at his house (once a week) or meet me after college (one day) and walk back to his (a big rush to get home).

BUT he always goes out with his parents and family nearly everyday, he's invited me some times, but we never get to do anything just us two. I feel like he prefers their company, and I get angry when he goes out with anyone who isn't me but only because he rejects all my plans, or says "in a few weeks" when he will jump into things with any family member.

I feel like he does everything for them and nothing for me, he has to babysit for them and if we do eventually plan something he'll have to check first cause he has dates for babysitting in his calendar, so that comes first before me

I can't help but think if his family were all dead things would be better. But really the problem is him.

I imagine if we ever had kids or get married his family would take over, but only because he would ask them to, and I couldn't live like that

How do I break up with someone I love? I couldn't imagine life without him and not talking to him daily, but I feel very unhappy nearly everyday recently and when I bring it up he just gets aggressive and unhappy, so it's best for both of us
Updates:
I think saying he is IN college 2 days a week makes more sense lol, he gets 5 days off

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Holy crap, lady... this guy needs to dump you!

    Family commitments should always take precedence... if you pull your game together and wind up married, and especially if you have kids, you become the most important family.

    Seriously, though... he's trying to incorporate you into his family circle, and you're whining that he doesn't want to do anything with you. Try asking what babysitting commitments he has before suggesting a plan, and be upfront telling him that you need those times with just the two of you to keep yourself fulfilled...

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • It's ridiculous when I ask him to do things once or twice a week and he says no or says in a few weeks cos he's busy with college work, yet he goes out with his family, then babysits kids his parents foster so they can go do something for the night. If we ever had kids I worry that he'd still be choosing to go out with them than spend time with us.

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    • @ShocknAwem Thank God I'll never be your girlfriend then, the way I see it is, in the long run your partner is who you end up marrying and having children with. If he's letting me down by promising he will do things with me now, and breaking the promise and choosing to go to Mcdonalds with his family instead, then he will probably let down our children too

    • It's like today he promised me he would go to the cinema with me, I knew he had to baby sit later so that's fair enough, and he told me he was meeting a friend to do some work which is fair enough, and he said he'd meet me after it, but he ended up going to KFC with his parents instead then met his friend then onto babysitting. I've been thrown last to his family, it's not fair, I don't care if I sound like a bitch, I've had enough now, it's completely put me off "family guys"

Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't really think it's fair to say that baby sitting comes before you. I get your frustration. But if he has already agreed to babysit, then of course he will have to check first.

    But if you are truly unhappy, then just be upfront with him. Explain how you feel like a non-priority in his life. Like you have to fight for just a small amount of his time.

    Just basically sum up what you have written here.

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    • He doesn't actually agree to it though, he's just expected to do it, most of the time he doesn't know when because they just expect him to be home, so he has to ask, and he's ok with it. I have tried to talk to him but he says I am wrong and that I come first, and gets angry, but it continues to happen, I don't think he cares

    • That really sucks. Honestly I do think if it's becoming that much of a problem in your relationship with him that you should break up. Because he won't even talk to you about it without getting upset, it's as if he is fine with it. And if he is that's okay. But it's really hard when your SO constantly puts you on the back burner. I've been there.

      He needs to stand up to his family and not let them just use him for whatever. They should respect the fact that he maybe has plans and make other arrangements for child care.

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What Guys Said 3

  • All I read is me me me me me me me me...

    Break up with him, you'll be doing the guy a huge favor. It's interesting how some women claim they love their SO's when they'd dump them out of a selfish projection they homd. Since he doesn't seem to be taking you to YOUR directionality in terms of your expectations of marriage and such then there's no longer a bargain. You see this relationship like a business transaction, and nothing else.

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  • If you really want it, have the balls to tell him this in his eyes.
    But be ready for the consequences, you might never be able to see or talk to him again.

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  • just tell

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What Girls Said 5

  • Don't break up with him without any explanation. Before you do, try to talk about it and sort it out between you. Be completely honest with each other. If he gets too aggressive and refuses to consider your feelings and look at it from your perspective, then I don't think he really loves and understands you.

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  • Wow sorta selfish of you.
    But just break up with him.
    Some women can and can't handle a family man.

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  • talk to him

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  • just tell him

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  • Ever thought of I don't know... TELLING HIM THIS?

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    • He gets angry every time

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    • He's my first ever relationship, I wouldn't know how to do it, I don't want to be depressed for weeks if I do it, and I don't want him to be

    • Think logically. Tell me when you're ready to hear what I am about to say next. Again, logically

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