Why won't he contact me? Be a man about it?

My boyfriend and I had a long distance relationship where we kept connected through msn/ phone and visit whenever possible. This had gone for almost 2 years and it was working out alright so far. But few months back my boyfriend did a disappearing act and when he came back aft a few days he suggested break-up saying that his future is uncertain and he doesn't wanna string me along. However, I talked to him and convinced him that his “problems” are not related to our relationship, and we should def give this relationship a whole-hearted try. He agreed, and acted all normal aft that, no signs of any break up discussions or thoughts. But this pattern started repeating every 2 months- the moment he will get stressed about something like his academics or his future career he will disappear for a few days, institute no contact – will not respond to my mails/ calls etc and when he will come back, he will talk about break up, I will ask him if he still likes me, remind him how good we are together and he will say yes,”this has got nothing to do with you but at this time I don’t want to be in a relationship” . But eventually after making him see the logic that his “problems” have got nothing to do with our relationship, he will continue and behave as if everything is back to normal.

But this last time when he disappeared, I did not try to contact him or call him. And now it has been 3 weeks. He hasn’t contacted me either. I feel so hurt that how can someone throw me away from their life so easily without even having to give any explanation or show remorse for loss of a 2 year relationship. But I am taking it as “ closure” although there has been none and trying to move on. My question from the guys out there is -do you think he will contact me ever or just vanish like this from my life? In this situation, while I have already compromised my self-esteem earlier by trying to talk him out of break-up a couple of times , but do you think this time I have acted more prudently by not chasing aft him, and at least he will notice this change in my attitude ? You think he owes me an answer ?

Ladies ! here is the update- I talked to his roommate, his roommate casually asked him when am I visiting him next to which he says "we haven't talked in a while, we have broken up"!?! Wow !
he has "broken up" without having to deal with the awkwardness and pain of a break-up conversation. There is nothing left here, I am trying to move on. I don't think he will ever call me now! but still hurts that he did this to me :(((


Most Helpful Girl

  • of course he owes you an answer. You will not obtain closure without one. My boyfriend left a month ago out of the blue and didn't give me an real answer. Yeah, he told me an excuse as to why he left, but it wasn't the truth. Some guys just throw out any excuse that sounds plausable at the time they leave so they can get out of there. It may have nothing to do with you. My boyfriend and I were doing great, but he decided he wanted to be on his own.

    Youve done the right thing by not contacting him. I know how hard this is. Id give him one more week to contact you with a reply. Then I would do something I know will be hard for you. Call him, if you don't get an answer, leave a happy voicemail saying , Hey, hows it going? I'm just calling to say Hello. Be real casual about it. Don't say anything on the voicemail about why hasn't he called or anything. Just say Hello. Call just one time. If you want this man back and he calls you back, don't talk about the breakup. Let him bring it up. Just try, however hard it will be, to talk about anything but. This will make him open up more to you than yelling at him telling him angry things. I have read that sometimes you may even say that you agree with the breakup and have been thinking about it for a ling time. This is reverse psychology and will take him by surprise. See he will not expect this from you. keep us updated, or at least me, Id like to know how things are working out for you.

    • Hi, read my update above. Its good that I dint call him and given the situation now, I will NEVER call him !! I have lost my dignity bef by trying to reconcile, I guess there is no point in trying that again. Did you call your boyfriend ? aleast he gave you some explaination bef he left. Good luck !

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What Girls Said 3

  • Sounds like he decided his problems are too much, maybe he couldn't handle the distance and all. I would leave well enough alone, he did tell you a few times he wanted to break up and gave you reasons he was comfortable giving you. Maybe he didn't have another reason other than he could not do the long distance relationship anymore. He's just not worth it, too much work on your end and if you have to convince him to stay then you have to think why do you want to hang on to this guy who doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore. Be strong, you can find someone who cherishes you rather than trying to keep a man who's already gone in his mind...keep your head up and move on. You never know what's waiting for you, things always happen for a reason. Good luck!

    • Yes, clearly he dint feel the same way abt our relationship, that's why he could throw it away so easily. I will not initiate any contact, I will just think he is dead for me now and move on.

  • He does owe you an answer, and I think he has another woman

  • I date a guy that does the same sort of thing, but I also am not the type to hold it back if I have a question or problem. I say do not chase after him, and if you have not heard from him within a week, then maybe try calling one more time then move on. Relationships are not meant to be difficult, and if yours is then it isn't worth it.

    Sometimes guys will pull away when they might have been hurt in the past or their feelings are getting to be too much for them. It does not necessarily mean he has someone else. My guy tried the very similar stuff you are talking about, but he always came back. So keep your chin up and give it a little more time, but I think you would be happier with someone else.

    • He used to come back before, but this time I think he has realized that there is no point in draging this out, so I don't think he will come back this time, and I can't be in a limbo anymore, its best that I move on.