My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years... we've been a pretty amazing pair overall. I'm so happy with him, he's been my best friend for years before we got together, and I knew I would fall in love with him the moment I met him... I'm still madly in love with him, I seriously think and talk about him obsessively. We've talked about marriage, and I'm sure that if I could just find a way... :(
I'm going to say upfront that we've run into a couple stumps, and I know relationships can be messy, and I take full responsibilities for any of my actions...
Anyways, it's my first year in college and I'm a couple states away from home. When I got here I was eager to fit in, so I went out almost every weekend at first with my roommates. All of my problems started with one night where my roommate convinced me that I should drink with her... it was in October, we had been in school for months and I didn't really have any stable friends, and she convinced me that everything would be okay and it would only be three shots... I don't normally drink, so three shots out of nowhere really f***ed me up.
**** ITS NOT THE TYPICAL DRUNK GIRL STORY**** I didn't cheat on him in any way, I never flirted with anyone, I didn't end up on girls gone wild, I just had 3 shots with my roommate. My other roommate, who was also there, didn't know which room I was in, so she freaked out and basically had the whole party look for me... even tho I was in the very next room...
Anyways, I was going to tell him when I got home for thanksgiving, I knew that his reaction was going to be... bad; so I thought this dramatic change was worth waiting on... but he found out because he somehow got a hold on a Facebook message I sent some guy who helped my other roommate find me before I got to even tell my boy friend about it... Fuck up #1
Then I have the issue of how I didn't call him every night before I went to sleep... we talk everyday... I don't know why I didn't call... it really scared him because it was out of the ordinary... Fuck up #2
Also, he ran into some pictures of me next to other guys, and one of me kissing my gay friend on the cheek (but I also had like 3 pictures of me kissing my best girl friends on the cheek, so its not like he was special or anything). This obviously angered him... I don't know what I was thinking.
Quick note: I've NEVER even THOUGHT of cheating on my bf. I don't see other guys as guys, I just see them as people... I seriously NEVER checked out a guy while I was here.
And there were nights where I drank and didn't tell him, but then I told him later over break- and this also f***ed with his head...
Overall, I just keep f***ing up... and every time we argue, this stuff comes up and we go back to that. I'm afraid this will just come up for the rest of our lives and I REALLY DO NOT want to hurt him anymore. He's been really hurt by all of this and I feel like I don't deserve him. I don't want to break up with him, but I feel like I have to.
Most Helpful Guy
No you don't [keep f***ing up].
Repeat after me: I am not a f***-up.
Got that? Good.
I'll start by saying I used to be that guy and I was actually engaged. My then fiancee went to school on the other side of the country and believe me it was hard so I know exactly where you're coming from.
Now, with our common bond established, let me tell you how you can AVOID ending up like me:
1. YOU ARE NOT A F***-UP. Everybody makes mistakes and your boyfriend needs to understand that.
2. YOUR MISTAKES ARE NOT THAT BAD. Believe me on this one, I would know. I went through some serious hurdles due to distance and they weren't over minor transgressions like yours. He has to understand that it CAN be worse and should be grateful it isn't.
3. COMMUNICATE. Not in the talk to him every day way, but in the explain that you can't always talk to him every day. You're in college now, you have class, homework, and (if you're like me) a time difference. None of this means you love him any less, remind him.
p.s. If you don't have a time difference be grateful for that as well, trust me, it helps.
4. HE ISN'T PERFECT EITHER. I'm sure he's made a mistake or two and if he hasn't he will. This isn't pessimism, it's realism, and it comes from my own personal experience. It took me a long time to realize that my fiancee wasn't the only one making mistakes, and as much as she tried to right her wrongs it was too late when I finally realized I wasn't so perfect either.
5. He has to understand that you're trying. I know I've mentioned this one before in my 1-4 but this really has to hit home. My fiancee felt just like you did about f***ing up, about her mistakes, but I was too focused on the little mistakes she'd make that I was blinded to the herculean effort she was making to overcome 4000 miles and three hours of distance. If he isn't going to stop getting mad at you for not being a hermit in your room, you may even want to consider breaking up with him. Yes it will hurt him--and yes it hurt me--but if he won't change even after these 5 things then he won't change regardless of how many other things you do to make up for it.
From what I'm reading, you're a sweet girl. Yes you're slightly clumsy with the drinking, but aren't we all sometimes? There's nothing wrong with you in this situation, you're doing what you can and I'm sure you're a darling to be around.
Don't be sad, promise?