Guys, would you be angry if your girlfriend did something you told her not to do?

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Say, you told your girlfriend to not hang out at a particular place. Its not a "bad" place, its fairly neutral. (No partying, nothing bad happens and all that, but guys do flirt with me there BUT guys will flirt with me in other places too).

And you haven't gone there in a while but you decide to go there because you want to see old friends and hang out with old pals. But of course other guys will flirt, but you ignore them and curve them.

You tell your boyfriend everything and he STILL gets very angry and says he lost his trust in you forever.

Do you think he was reasonable in thinking this way? Or was he too controlling? Or was I the one who fucked it up completely?

And on top of that, he doesn't want to break up but says that he's now free to do "whatever he wants" but that doesn't mean cheating.

I don't understand. And I don't think I did anything wrong because I made sure I wasn't around or entertained other guys. I am not the kind of girl that flirts with random guys, I'm loyal, and I don't party or do anything bad.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The place you are visiting must have a reputation of some kind. Sounds like he sees it as a threat to your relationship. If you keep going there you may end up choosing which is more important, hanging out there or keeping your relationship.

    You can always hang out someplace else. Think about it.

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    • That's true. I talked to him about it but he said he's lost his trust in me. And said that, it doesn't matter and that he doesn't care anymore. Because if he cares it will hurt too much. And that he can now do what he wants and all that.

      That's true as well. But we MET at that place. Its not a party. I dont do anything crazy. I met some of my friends there, and I still know people there. I can understand why he's mad. But losing his entire trust in me? That's too much.

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    • As long as you learn from this experience you will be a better woman because of it. :)

    • You are so kind! I think a part of me went there bc I wanted to relationship to end somehow. I liked him but he was going so fast. I miss him now. Oh well.

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What Guys Said 20

  • You are in a screwed up relationship.

    1. He should not be telling you what you can and cannot do.

    2. You could have met up with old friends on another location. Perhaps you had a subconscious desire to tell your boyfriend to go fuck himself.

    3. If he has lost trust in you forever, then you cannot possibly be a candidate for a serious relationship with you. If he doesn't want to break up with you, that means he just wants to keep having sex with you until something better comes along.

    4. If he is free to do "whatever he wants," that will lead to flirting and cheating.

    5. If you are in a good relationship, you want to make each other happy, you don't try to control each other, and you try to respect each other's sensitivities.

    You will be breaking up soon. Try to learn something from this relationship before you move on to the next contestant.

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    • Very great points, I appreciate and agree with all of them. It is time to move on I think.

  • No you did nothing wrong. I think if he trusted you enough, he should know that you would stay loyal and control yourself.
    I don't think relationships that put boundaries like that are super healthy because it creates issues down the line.

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  • depends on what i asked her not to do. If she was a bit of a wild child and went out, flirting with other guys and might cheat, hell yes I would be furious. I would consider dumping her. However, if she just went somewhere to reconnect with old friends I would not care

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  • Who am I to tell her where she can't go? She's an adult and has her own brain. I would apply one exception. It's her safety. Even like that, I can only SUGGEST or RECOMMEND avoid particular places because of her safety.

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  • he sounds to controlling if you ask me, because if you can't have trust in the little things there's no real trust to begin with.

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    • Yeah, I guess so. I mean I don't go there very often. I know he doesn't like it when other guys flirt with me, and gets jealous when they do.

  • If he asked you not to go I understand why he'd be upset. But I don't think he's right to say you lost his trust forever. And he for sure isn't allowed to do "whatever he wants" that's just stupid. That'll just cause more problems.

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  • Ok you already have a problem. Nobody should be telling anybody in a relationship what to do and not do. The correct way to approach that is to say that you are free to go to bars, and clubs (as an example) but I am free to go date other people who don't feel the need to do that. Secondly the fact that you told him is a sign that your honest but are you sure you want to be with someone who tells you what you can and can't do? If he'd made it clear in the beginning that he wasn't going to date someone who does those things and you did it anyway then he should dump you, but nobody should try and control their partners.

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  • If you told him you wouldn't go then he has a right to be angry. However you shouldn't really be with him because he said he's free to do whatever he wants.

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  • If you're not flirting with other guys then you're fine. You just need to find a way to prove it to him, cause how would he know if you're flirting or not

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  • Depends.

    If you said in advance you wouldn't go there, but then, he has a reason to not trust you and you two need to talk out why you didn't. My guess is that is what happened.

    If you never agreed to that, then he doesn't have a right to react like that.

    This is at its core a security issue... he doesn't want you hanging out where other guys will pickup on you. his reaction is childish to do whatever... you say not breaking up, but this is the start of it.

    you have to honestly talk about why you want to go there. personally I think you did it to spite him, but you really may need a counselor to help dig through your relationship, emotions, and issues.

    I've never told a girlfriend not to go somewhere unless I thought it was unsafe. either I trust her or I don't.

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  • I wouldn't tell my girlfriend where she could or could not go.

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  • So a guy has a girlfriend then he had a boyfriend later? Da hell.

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    • Err, read again

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    • Yeah. I told my boyfriend what happened and that I went there, and that I didn't entertain other guys. He STILL got angry at me and lost his shit, saying he lost his trust in me.

    • Seems like he trying to hide you away, and being very immature.

  • That happens once in a while whenever they feel too happy.

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    • Lol what do you mean?

  • No, I'd be single again.

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  • What was this "place"?

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  • Angry? No.
    Replacing her? Yes.

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  • When did he become your boss?

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  • I would be disappointed

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  • He is insecure about you, make him feel secure.

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  • Sounds controlling but now he is using it as an excuse to go hang out

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    • Excuse to hang out with me? Or other people?

    • With other people

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