Trying to win my ex back, he's confused. What should I do?

Long story short , both late 20's - together a little over 4 years. During the relationship, he acted very immaturely and selfish, in turn I did the same by cheating on him with my ex for over a year.

He found out about 5 months ago and that was it, did not talk at all. I thought he hated me. Reached out to him after 2 months ( 3 months ago) we talked, bickered, wound up telling each other after on and off talking that we still love each other. I told him I want to win his trust back and he apologized for how he treated me.

he's been hot and gold with me. Randomly calling me and showing up, telling me how much he thinks about getting back together but it's so hard because he doesn't trust me. We talk everyday since Christmas, hung out a few times where we wound up sleeping together and then talking til the sun rose about how much we both messed up. I know he loves me, I know I hurt him, and I told him take all the time you need to figure this out. He gets frustrated sometimes I can tell that he's not over the betrayal and I keep telling him it takes time to heal, don't rush yourself.

I am am being patient and loving because I know this is his decision and only he can decide. I'm not sure if I'm doing everything I should be or doing anything right. I want to see him and rebuild trust and we live blocks away from each other, but there's times he just keeps saying " I don't know " whenever I ask to see him. He also says " I'm not going to just act like this didn't happen". I know what I did was wrong, I've been doing everything including therapy to work on my issues that lead me down this path. So please don't be critics. Looking for advice on how to make this right. Thanks


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What Guys Said 3

  • I think you are both confused...

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    • I will admit I was a while ago. But I'm sure of what I want now

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    • Him, to work this out

    • Personally, i wouldn't do it... history has a way of repeating itself.. but i can understand why you would want to... over 4 years is quite the time.. and with all the bs, you stuck around. You feel like you have invested a lot... dont wanna leave... and its your comfort zone (and quite frankly, the dating pool out there these days is shit)
      I understand... but umm... would you rather go back and face this same shit for another 4 years or liberate yourself. I mean... you did cheat on him... thats written somewhere... believe me.

  • you need more time apart

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    • That's what I was wondering.. should I stop talking to him completely?

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    • I haven't spoken to my ex in 2 years

    • Well I'm not trying to move on, I don't want to go 2 years without speaking lol

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