We just became official, he told me he loves me yet he already needs time to think about us, giving me the silent treatment.. help?

So I just recently started dating this guy, we, ve been talking to each other for a month now and already became official. He told me loves me, our chemistry is incredible, the sex is amazing, the best yet for both of us. We both are divorced and have kids. He stays over several times during the week, has even met my daughter, and we've talked about our future together.

I texted him asking if he wanted to have a date night with me since lately all we do is watch tv, have sex, sleep. He declines bc he's tired and has been feeling sick, then I asked him if he was still coming over to stay w me that night and he said he'd rather stay home. I'm feeling rejected at this point so I tell him that I'm not feeling great about him bc of his lack of effort and that I'm trying too hard and that although I understand he's not feeling well/is tired, I need more.

He ignored me the whole time. Finally, he tells me he's not sure about us and needs time to think before we talk about it. Turns out he's upset at me for several things that happened when we first met such as me smoking pot with my friends during Thanksgiving (First time I've smoked since college, I'm 29, so is he) and that I drink too much (I have a stressful job and I'm a mom so yes I like to unwind with wine/whiskey at night), and that he's upset bc I was hanging out w a male neighbor at the guy's apartment the other night (which I told him about bc I'm honest and had nothing to hide, my neighbor is 24, he's like a little bro to me) and he acted like it wasn't a big deal to him. I told him he was breaking my heart bc I had no idea I had done anything wrong and that I loved him and would respect his need for time. His last text was that we would think about things and talk after Christmas (happy face emoji). I'm so conflicted, is he breaking up with me already over this? Or am I overthinking everything? Should I just end things and avoid future heartbreak? Ugh I don't want to lose him yet I feel so judged.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm sorry for your situation. It does seem that he wants to have a serious talk if not break up, from what I see you described. You should definitely bring up (in person) the reasons you did those things. You could explain that the pot is a one time thing, and that it's okay to drink every once in a while. You guys sound like you could have a great relationship, but it could not continue smoothly if you guys do not have a heart-to-heart discussion. Good luck.

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    • Thanks! I agree, I'm the type of person that likes to communicate openly and I just want for him to give me a chance to talk things through before giving up completely. It seems he's open to it, I just hope he doesn't take too long bc I have a hard time being patient and while I like him a lot, I tend to cut my losses and move on quickly. We'll see, it's really getting to me with it being the holidays and all, the thoughts consume eye bc I can't talk to him about it, hence my reason to want to break up with him for making me feel this way. Sigh thanks!

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    • And merry Christmas!

    • Merry Christmas! Thank you for the good wishes! I'm trying to make the best of it and not let the thoughts of him consume me. It's hard! Thanks again!

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What Guys Said 2

  • You make things official and 4 months later he's mad at what happened when you first met? Wtf is wrong with you? Why haven't you dumped him already? Personally I think he's lying and has to scrape up bullshit reasons from the past to have a reason to break up. It's over move on. I think he's met someone else

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    • We've only been dating one month but still the pot thing happened within days of meeting and the neighbor issue happened this week. I haven't seen him since Thursday morning when I left to work and left him in my apartment, he was so into me I thought, he dropped the love thing first and then I reciprocated days later, now he's being like this, ignoring me and leaving me hanging until he's ready to process and talk. I'm dreading the conversation, last message he sent he followed with a smiley face, still I'm freaking out if he dumps me so soon over nothing, where the f is the love.. ugh I don't think he's met anyone else, he's always with me when not at work or with his kids. Should I just break up with him first? Thanks for the input of

    • Time to process? Process what? He's full of shit. Dump him

    • He's upset I was hanging and drinking with a guy friend (neighbor) one night and the pot, also judging me for drinking everyday which is an exaggeration, I drink some wine or liquor after dinner bc it's been a especially stressful month. You're right though, it's immature.

  • Sounds like he's 12... official, love, needing time. Sounds like a lot of crap to me.

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    • Yeah he's definitely turning me off but I can't just give up on it so easily. I need to talk things through with him and process either outcome. He didn't event want to call me, this was discussed via text which is awful.

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