Feeling lame, low and really sad about recent events between my ex and I. Would be grateful if you please could share your similar experiences?

Ok, very long and sad story, that is finally is catching up with me. I have given up on the man who has given up on me and our unborn child. All dreams, plans, positive feelings, excitement about the future together gone to hell. We can't even stand talking with one another without blaming and dragging each other down emotionally over the phone after somewhat a month of silence. I have been stronger than him until recently when he finally told me he didn't love me. It felt like a relief and set me free in a way, but also hurt me so very much. This is the first time his words and actions didn't contradict each other. Before this came out, we were constantly fighting over who made who feel what... I
admitted, I wasn't perfect and committed to work on my part to make things better... and I am still, but now it is to make things better for our child and myself, than for him and i. I failed so miserably and stepped down to his level of immaturity that I have moved from some years ago and it feels as no one else, but me is letting myself down this time. Those fights and arguments brought out a horrible, selfish, immature, insecure person out of me, the person I was long time ago and worked so hard to move from those qualities. It brought to the light a lot of unresolved issues I truly believed were dealt with as I have been constantly on self development path including professional counselling. Today was my lowest point, as it felt exactly like my ex said for himself, I started regretting the fact I have actually met him at all. Reading tons of articles of how to let the toxic relationship go, most of them say grieving is the best way to move on, and I really want to. I feel so positive about our child and the next chapter of my life becoming a parent and i want to protect these feelings and our baby's well being as much as i can. Even though I spend Christmas day by myself, it was one of the best Christmases in my life knowing about the baby and feeling love and hope.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Im so happy to hear that. Youve got plenty to look forward to and he doesn't deserve you.


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  • Have you told him about your past behaviours were unresolved and they influenced the relationship? " brought out a horrible, selfish, immature, insecure person out of me" sounds like you didn't help things and influenced his behaviour.

    • Well he knew about those and all the progress that I have made form when I was depressed and anxious. Here is the thing, we had so much in common, but I managed to have time on my own to figure things out and be able to find my own happiness. Wheres he didn't - he depends on others to make him feel happy and up until I wasn't pregnant that was my role in his life. Since we were very similar with how we perceive life and in our triggers for stress etc, I have shared a lot of my knowledge and skills that i have built up in the two years when I did my counselling and self-development courses. he had access to even my notes that were step by step instructions on how to manage when getting depressed, and how to avoid getting into this state in the first place. I have cared about him so much, and wanted to help him to see himself in a better light... but I guess I have done this without getting the same positive back in return.

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    • giving my number out to the doctor, he made me promise that i didn't - which i didn't). On one occasion my usual please drive safe to/from work was taken as if the message was addressed to someone else - as if i had a secret man who was seeing behind my ex's back. I am not even a flirt and keep modest although confident in front of others. After 1,5 years of being with him, I could clearly see that all the progress in my personal development and all the growing up i have done before i met him was pulled right back. I blame myself for not being more wise and keeping mine knowledge and happiness to myself, and also the fact that we are a very similar type makes it very trippy for me... as I started associating a lot of his behavior with my own. He used guilt-rips and projections of his own inappropriate behaviors on me. At the beginning I could clearly see that but at the end because i saw so many similarities in our personalities it became very blur and I got scared

    • by the end of this he achieved his goal and made me feel like a wreck, although I know i can give a lot to a healthy relationship. He really broke my heart stating he didn't love me and wanted nothing to do with me and the child falsely accused me of horrible things, physically, mentally, verbally and emotional abused me. I gotten to the point when the fight with his dark side has turned in to the fight with him, because that how he has always been - dark, ungrateful, demanding, selfish, manipulative, disrespectful towards others, not trusting, giving with one hand and taking with another one at the same time, a player who used others to achieve his own goals and a looser who has achieved very little by doing his own things, but mostly relying on others women mostly because women are kinder, easier to manipulate when you are a gorgeous 6'6 tall young male. I regret meeting him at all, and is after 1,5 years of feeling lucky to meet someone just like me and seeing only the good side.

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