How to break the news?

Last night, I went on a blind date -- which normally isn't my style, but I decided to try something different when it came to dating. My date and I seemed to have common interests, and while our conversational repertoire was fairly good, the physical attraction just wasn't there for me at all. However, she wrote me a very gracious e-mail today, thanking me for dinner and spending time out last night, and made it clear that the option for a second date is there.

I'm just curious of how best to handle letting her down gently. I know there's no pain-free way of saying "I'm just not into you", but I wouldn't mind hearing some advice of how to go about it gracefully, especially when she seems to be a very polite, good-natured person. Any thoughts or input would be greatly appreciated.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Minda has a great point which I fully support, but I will also suggest a way to tell her; incase you aren't interested in waiting to develop that physical attraction she spoke about:

    - Jessica, I had a great time last night hanging out with you; but I think you are looking into things a little faster than what I'm interested in. I can say that I don't feel any attraction for you at this moment. If you would like to be a friend, I'm here for the fun memories, but I don't feel like pursueing you would be fair to someone like yourself. Thank you for being gratuitous and respectful.

    ~ ArtistBBoy

    • That's also another way to go about it, yes - I think this situation also illustrates a key difference that I've noticed between men and women. For a lot of men, physical attraction is something that we notice fairly quickly in a definite's either there or it's not. And if it's not, very little (if anything) could make it magically appear. However, I've seen that women may be more inclined to discover a guy's personality first, which may increase physical attraction in their eyes.

    • Excellent analogy, I completely agree. Have you considered writing the next "Men are from mars, women are from venus" series? =P In all honesty, what you are speaking about is correct. For men, it's more related to the appearance of the individual both physically AND emotionally.. For women, it's more about the real side of the individual and who they are "behind the scenes"... It's difficult to intercept, but I'm certain you have the point.

    • Thank you for the compliment, but that whole series is Dr. John Gray's deal...and Lord knows the man has earned enough fame, praise (and heat) over the years for his views on differences in the genders - far be it from me to deprive him of all that! :-p But on a serious note, it is something that I have picked up on where men and women generally hold differing perspectives.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I don't really have any ways that you could tell her nicely. However, I would like to point out that once you get to know someone more, learn about their interests, about their life, and gain an emotional connection, your physical attraction to them increases as well. You may be letting a great girl go who you could possible be attracted to with some given time.

    • That is a fair point, and I think that if there was at least a slight physical attraction, that could certainly prove to be the case. But I wasn't feeling anything there at all in that sense, and I do need that in someone that I'm dating. But I do sincerely thank you for your honesty, and verily appreciate your advice.

    • I definitely agree with that, there should be a slight amount of physical attraction at the very least. Well, sense you guys never made official plans for a second date, you could always tell her that you love (insert whatever traits you like here) about her, but you feel like you guys would have more of a friend-like relationship rather than a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. If you sincerely like her personality, tell her that you would love to get to know her more so you can become friends.

    • That's definitely a possibility and something to consider.

  • tell tthem you don't wanna be with them anymore


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