Is it okay to have a relationship with your ex boyfriend's close friend?

I told my boyfriend that I wanted to take a break last week. The reason for this was because I was beginning to have feelings for wanting to be with other people, and I wanted to get those out of my system before continuing on with my boyfriend. However, the person I'm starting to like in order to get rid of these feelings happens to be one of his close friends who shares the same feelings for me that I do him. Is this a completely horrible situation to get into? Guys, how would you feel if you're girlfriend wanted to be with one of your friends?

  • I don't see a problem with it. He should be understanding of what you're going through and should want you to be happy.
    Vote A
  • No, that's out of line and just a mess waiting to happen. That is something that is off limits.
    Vote B
  • It really would depend on the situation and given circumstances.
    Vote C
  • I see both good and bad with this situation.
    Vote D
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Most Helpful Guy

  • That's happened to me, and I feel betrayed.

    Here's what I recommend considering:

    - Is dating your ex's best friend going to be permanent?

    - Is this someone you really like, or someone that you enjoy the company of

    - How would you feel if your ex did this to you?

    - Would you still want him doing that to you, with knowing all the answers above?

    etc

    This helps you frame what it would be like for him. I can tell you right now, that me and my ex get along great with helping each other; but if she ever wanted to get back with me, there would be IMMENSE trust issues.

    It would be wise not to pursue your ex's friend; but if you really want to, there is nothing illegal about it. Just realise that you could be causing your ex to go through some tough times with his friend/you. It's not someone that he can just toss aside, in a worst case scenario he may have to choose a new friend.

    ~ ArtistBBoy

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    • In all honesty, I'm pretty sure I would be a lot happier with this person than my ex. Not that he wasn't a great person to be with, I just feel more connected and have more in common with his friend. If my ex did this to me, and I'm not just saying this, I honestly wouldn't have a problem with it. The problem with everything is that we see things differently than each other. On another note, you said that you get along great with your ex. What did you guys do in order to get that way?

    • Show All
    • I see...

      The only thing that I'm really worried about right now is that if I end up liking this guy more than my ex, I wouldn't know how to let him know that I don't think we're right for each other. He has commitment issues, and feels like I'm doing exactly his mom did to his dad. It would break his heart, and I wouldn't know how to address the situation at all.

    • Handle it by ear - I'm not saying that "you shouldn't be with who you want to be with"; what I'm saying is that if it's possible, I strongly recommend you don't put yourself in situations that could bother other people UNLESS you are willing to accept the reprecussions of doing so --> In this case, the "reprecussion" would be your ex hating you and possibly making the guy of your interest lose a good friend (without doing anything "wrong" besides liking who you like)

      It's a 50/50 coin flip =S

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 6

  • I've never been in that situation, and hopefully I'll never have to be, as I would imagine that being very awkward/uncomfortable. I would definitely consider this from the opposite perspective as well - how would you feel if your ex-b/f then went on to date your best friend?

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  • i say no for this one reason

    the guy that dated the ex mostly told his buddy a good amount of things about her...

    so to me that would make it awkward

    guy: so you like to sleep with a nightlight?

    girl: how'd you know?

    guy: jake told me when you guys went out.

    girl: what else did he tell you?!

    yeah...

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  • modern warfare 2 is the best

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  • Well I would say it would be a bit hard on your boyfriend if it happened. Just put yourself in his shoes and think. Wouldn it be a bit too much for you to take if the same happened to you? Don't break his heart :)

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  • Hell NO! That's all I can say.

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  • i voted a but I'm mixed between a and b. I agree with a but I think its a mess waiting to happen

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What Girls Said 7

  • I guess I should have read what you wrote before voting. Yet I'm sticking with my gunz and saying C is my answer. Only because the bad part is that you need to understand your a girl. I know, I know us girls but its by the mans rules. That's the truth no other way to put it. You see when your young guys stick together like glue. Come on his close friend? Honey your leaving your boyfriend to question you. Don't think for a minute his friend ain't seeing the situation for what it is. It's like how much do you realy like your boyfreind? Clearly not enough to stay away from his friends and other guys. Curiosity killed the cat. Good part is that you live and you learn only a fool makes the same mistake twice. So keep note that what your doing is bad for those reasons above. Rarely but sometimes things work out for the best. You will seewhen it it happens.

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  • All I have to say is an ex is an ex, that means he is no longer in your life, therefore, date who you like. Don't go out with his friend just to flaunt it in his face, if that's why your doing it, then don't, it's wrong of you to do that to either one of them, but if you like this friend, then go for it. Love is love, you can't help who you fall in love with! Good Luck!

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  • You know what? do what will make you the happiest. I'm having the same problem and I'm letting my feelings guide me.

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  • Only if you were friends before you went out with the guy. Or if you have hung out without your ex, but if your only connection is your ex, cut the friendship.

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  • I really don't see a problem with that, my ex and I are still friends, we were friends for 3 years before we dated, and when we broke up, it was like nothing happened, his now girlfriend is having her baby within the next 2 months =)

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  • Alot of girls have the "girl code" you don't date friends ex's. I don't know if guys have a similar thing but I think it would be odd. Say someone wanted to go out as a group. You go out with the new guy and then sitting accross from you is you ex. How fun can you have? That's asumming you care about his feelings. I think becareful. Know that you might hurt him. It will be akward but try talking to him.Let him know you are confused and have to figure things out. Tell him that its hurting you because you care about him but at the same time feel you need to do this( if you do need to do this).



    I understand the situation. But I honestly don't know what I would do.

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  • It's going 2 hurt Ur boyfriend a lot I mean it's his best friend but you have 2 take risks once in a while even if it means hurting sum1 Else's feeling but are you willing to do so? Just do what Ur instincts tells you 2 do follow Ur heart =D

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