Went for coffee with my ex girlfriend.. where do I go from here?

Hi, As a brief overview i was dating my ex for almost a year (im 27, she's 26). Roughly 2 & a half months ago we broke up. At the time we were temporarily living together as my lease ended and hadn't found a new place. Throughout our relationship I was guarded, not good at expressing my emotions. loved her, but I never told her that. We rarely fought during our time together. But when we did I would be closed off.

The reason for the break up: I did not tell her & act like I was fully committed. Holding her hand, telling her I loved her, not being there for her (I. e death in the family) and I wasn't supportive enough. These are all things she said & I fully agreed with.

After not talking for over 30 days we got lunch the other day & caught up. Had a friendly conversation but admittley it was awkward. We didn't talk about the relationship as I wanted to have a nice meal with her, remember the good times & try and get a sense if she still had feelings.

I texted her the next day asking to get coffee so we can actually talk. Two hours in a coffee shop, I told her I still had feelings for her and want to show her I changed/want to work on our relationship if given the opportunity. She even said that she can tell that I'm more open emotionally and fully engaged. She said she still has still has feelings for me but she doesn't want to jump into a relationship because she is scared things won't change and she travels a lot for work and we won't be in the same city for a period of time. I agreed and told her she needs to be 100% if she wants us to give it another shot.

I left it saying she will always have a special place in my heart & when she decides (whether It be good or bad) that we can talk. But I can't promise i will be here when she decides.

After all this rambling I was curious as to what others think? I love her but understand I need to give her space to think about what I said & hope she can forgive me and let me show her that things can be diffeeemt.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Be consistent. You say you changed yet you may not be there when she decides. Don't tell her. Show her with actions. You've both alreadh invested time. Don't keep wasting more time if deep down you know it won't work.

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    • Appreciate your thoughts. The problem is it's hard to show her I changed when she doesn't give me the opportunity. If I'm being 100% honest I know it could work.

Most Helpful Guy

  • "you can't promise you'll be there if she does.' Geez, you can't negotiate passion or attraction - it's either there or it isn't. If it isn't, then time to move on.

    All of these 'meh' relationships on here, wow, where is the HEAT? The passion?

    BORING!!!

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    • Plenty of passion and heat when we were dating. The intention was not trying to negotiate but more I can't wait forever even though I love her and want to be with here. but she is a place where she doesn't know what she wants.

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      The segment on GAME is just outstanding. Check it out.

      "#02 – All bitches are crazy.
      Stop trying to make sense out of nonsense, they’re out of their fucking mind. You’re trying to use logic to figure out what they’re thinking, but this is guerilla warfare – stop with the logic."

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What Girls Said 1

  • Giving her time and space is definitely a yes. You'll be surprised at how time can heal a person. I'm happy to hear that you did tell her honestly about how you feel, but if you really want to have her back, I suggest to really change for the better. She'll start to realize that, and who knows? Maybe you guys will be together in the end.

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    • Thanks. Unfortunately it seems like she needs more time to heal. I have made some changes in my professional life that did not go unrecognized either. Hoping that she will give me the opportunity to show her emotionally I have changed as well. Do you recommend me texting or calling her in let's say 30 days or see if she decides to reach out?

    • Yep, 30 days is great. I think it's best to text her first instead of calling (you'd never know if she's busy and ending up not answering your call) and just ask her casually how she's doing. See where it goes from there. Try not to talk about the relationship just yet and keep things short, simple. Good luck!

What Guys Said 1

  • You have sex with her

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    • Definitely. If you guys are hot on each other again you rip her clothes off and fuck her brains out.
      If she's not DTF (down to fuck) then she's moved on, the passion is gone.

    • That was never an issue

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