Girls, Why does my girlfriend keep dumping me and keeps coming back wanting to date again? Why doesn't she ever actually stop talking to me?

I've been dating my girlfriend off and on since June. Until last night we were on our third try. Each time we date, things always seem really good, we never fight, we spend a lot of time together, and our chemistry seems great. She always talks about a future with me, she says treat her better than everyone else, and that our romantic life is great.

When things seem to be going well for an extended period of time, my girlfriend always seems to dump me. Last night, after she invited me to the gym with her (I went and took a class with her, which I did mainly because I wanted to spend time with her), then we had dinner at her place. About an hour after dinner she suddenly tells me she isn't sure how she feels about me and doesn't know if we should continue dating, and that she doesn't want to prevent me from finding someone else. I was shocked given that we just spent the last 4 days together, as well as Christmas and New Years. I thought things were going well, she was even talking about plans for a our vacation a few days earlier.

We have broken up a few times, each time with her dumping me. I usually try to go no contact to clear my mind, but she always seems to be constantly calling me after a break up. In November she briefly ended things, only to call me every week multiple times. She also was quite offended that I jumped back into dating quickly after her dumping me (I still don't get why she cared, given she dumped me).

Last night when she dumped me, I tried to talk to her a bit to let her know how I felt. I told her that the constant breaking up and getting back together isn't good, and tried to ask her why she came back to me multiple times. She tried to tell me that she isn't sure how she feels about me long term (despite her telling me what she wanted for us in the future).

Does she seem scared or commitment? Why break up and keep coming back? She left the conversation last night with saying let's take a little time and talk again in a few days.
Her reason for breaking up last night is she thinks she should feel more for me by now. I told her that it's hard to feel more for someone when you keep running away, and when you never fully take a chance on a person. When we 1st started Dating we weren't exclusive. There have been times when we were seeing other people. I told her to think about why she keeps coming back to me & why she gets mad at the thought of me moving on. I think she needs to give us a chance to be exclusive.


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What Girls Said 2

  • I'd cut ties. When you find the right person they will not be unsure. The fact that she keeps leaving and coming back so many times just leads me to believe that she is a bit unstable.

    • I agree that she can be unstable. The problem is that I really like her, and I'm finding it hard to cut her off completely.

      She called me yesterday because she is having a bit of a health issue that she is scared about, and may potentially need surgery for. She wants me to go to the appointment with her, and I'm finding it hard to say no to someone I care about who is in pain.

      I find it very odd that she's gotten so offended that I moved on quickly in the past and went on dates with far more stable and accomplished people than her. Why is she offended if she's the one who dumped me? She is also the one who always initiates the contact and pursues me.

      Do you think she is commitment phobic? She always ends things when the relationship gets more involved and we seem to be progressing happily at the time.

      She apparently hasn't told her twin sister that we broke up, and she tells her twin everything. The twin is married with kids, and seems to be a big fan of mine.

  • It's time to breakup for good. There's no future

    • Why do you think she keeps coming back though?

      She always seems to break up when things are going smoothly.

    • Because she failed to find someone better at the time

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