Why am I so angry? How can I let this go and move on?

My ex husband D and I have been divorced for 3 years. He's getting married next month to R. I cannot describe how much he hurt me. He cheated on me with R, and she was our mutual "friend". I warned him she was after him, and he denied it.

So- I still have to interact with him because of our daughter. I never say anything bad about him, and about 75% of the time- we get along- when we don't I keep my mouth shut in front of our daughter. Our parenting plan works great, he pays child support on time, we keep each other in the loop for any parenting issues, and he's been on my "fun to talk to in small doses" list.

I do NOT want the real him back. He's a lousy provider (can't hold down a job), is really selfish and immature, has issues with anger management, he's untrustworthy, and will agree to anything- but can't be trusted to follow through. R is a groupie, and probably agreed to him sleeping around because she likes to too. Not a judgment on my part- statement of fact and her life style choice.

My problem- and it is totally my problem since no one can fix it but me- is that they are getting married in June. I mean it when I say they are perfect for each other. However, I am so p*ssed- I can't imagine how to keep up the front. I tell myself that he will treat her the same way he treated me, and that's her problem- she gets what she deserves, but it doesn't help much. I'm concerned that I will let something slip.

To make matters worse, my friend's daughter had a birthday party and my daughter was invited. I couldn't go because I had an all day exam on Saturday. D took our daughter and brought R, which is completely understandable when I look at it from the outside- it was a kid's party at the park, and parents were invited. R will soon be my daughter's step mom. Anyway, my friend was looking for something she wanted to return to me and told me later "I looked everywhere, and I told R that I was so sorry that I couldn't find it." I couldn't believe that she had done that! Why in the HELL would she even talk to R about ME? Just because R is D's fiance DOES NOT mean that she has anything to do with me.

As much as I am grateful to R for helping me to understand that D is a loser, and for taking him off of my hands I HATE her. I HATE D for being with her and involving my daughter with such trash. Then I realize that I picked trash when I picked him, so I'm a big loser too. Nobody wins in this scenario.

So? Any tips on how to let this go? Advice? Do I gently tell my friend that what she did really hurt?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • No offence, but listen to yourself -->

    The whole time you are talking about how "D" and "R" are both wrecks of reality; but have you ever heard D or R actually talking crap about you/your daughter/your potential future men...? The likelihood is no.

    I'm not trying to be an asshole but I am calling you out on your crap; this is rediculous. Just because D decided to move on from you to see R does not mean you have a free invitation to start hating everyone besides your daughter. You still have your parental rights and you can voice your concern to D that R is not part of your daughters life- if he doesn't get the point, find out a reason as to why R should not be part of her life (Drugs / Promiscuity / etc) and then get a court order to restrain her from your daughter. Problem solved right? Onward.

    The other issue I'm seeing is that you really cared about this D-bag that you married and had children with; that's not a problem at all - nor is it a problem that you guys got divorced. Certainly it's unpleasant but there's nothing that says in fine print - If you divorce, it's wrong. The vows say "till death do us part" but that's like telling a fat man to avoid mcdonalds, you know it, I know it, the world knows it.

    So now you know what the reality is- you can sit there and throw a temper tantrum and push away your friend that was just being a friend; or you can get a grip and come back to reality. Shit is gonna come down that you won't like; it's your job to be the support your child needs to become someone great. Don't worry about D and R - they aren't worthy of your awesome sh*t talking skills anyways. ;D

    At this point, just relax- take a deep breath, and ignore these idiots. I honestly don't think R or D is gonna do anything to harm you or your daughter let alone separate you both. That child is your future, not these deee-de-deee's.

    So at this point, take a little time to yourself to go enjoy the weather with your daughter and pick your battles wisely. Maybe go buy her some news shoes and walk next to the river for a little... But then after you've had time to recoupe, get back out there on the market and find someone that is honest, sincere, and genuine to further improve your happiness. We aren't all d-bags.

    Keep your chin up

    ~ ArtistBBoy

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What Guys Said 2

  • Well ma'am, you do need to let this go because this issue you are having means he still has power over you. If you let it go, you can heal and find someone better than him. Your daughter will always love you. Don't worry about R unless she abuses your child, which is another story. I know being cheated on hurts and it demonstrates how your ex does not respect you at all. The first step to getting over something is to not think about it. Who cares if they are getting married in June? In fact, their wedding day could be a disaster. Minimize the contact you have with him except issues dealing with your daughter. You are a good mother for not bad-mouthing your ex in front of your child. Go out and start dating other guys. You do deserve a good man, and stop worrying about his issues.

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  • Don't blame your friend, she didn't talk to R to hurt you. More than likely she did it out of small talk/not really even thinking about it.

    I'd suggest you need something (or more appropriately someone) to take your mind off of this all. It's a natural human response to be angry/upset/annoyed at your situation. The only thing you can control is your life and how you want to move forward with it.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I'm so sorry you have to see the two of them be married. Being cheated on is SO painful.

    But, the stronger you are, the happier you will be. Continue to take the high road, and believe that there's someone out there who will be GLAD you are divorced and free to be with him. I can promise you there is such a man out there.

    As for your friend, maybe you should confide in her about how you feel. Not about what she said, but about this whole situation. It sounds to me that you're hurt because you feel alone in this, and her casual comment made you feel even more alone and overlooked, like your pain doesn't exist.

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