How to get over him?

I need help. My boyfriend (first boyfriend) broke up with me back in July. It was a really messy breakup because there was a lot of inevitable drama, but we have since been on good terms. I'm still not over him, though. I just can't get him out of my mind. He used to tell me he loved me more than I would ever know, that he would never leave me, etc. which obviously is a lie. I just can't get over it. I had no closure (hence the mile long messy breakup). How do I get over him? How do I find peace again? He was my first love.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Just when you think your world is crumbling, pause for a moment with this thought: many cool guys are looking for a girl like you right now.

    In my last breakup, the following worked for me; it could work for you too.

    # Step 1
    Accept you can't switch off your feelings for him like a switch light. Come to terms with your helplessness—your inability to control forces outside your control.

    # Step 2
    Feel the hurtful feelings of breaking up; don't divert your focus from them. Diverting focus from the hurtful feelings slows your recovery.

    # Step 3
    Accept he is no longer with you. Nursing hope and fighting to win her back was a big mistake I made in my first breakup. It only heightens the pain and prolongs the recovery process.

    # Step 4
    Focus on the good memories he brought to your life and on things you'd have loved to experience with him. Following the breakup, I made the mistake to focus on her weaknesses, convincing myself she wasn't my type. I was merely lying to myself because if she wasn't good enough I won't have been with her in the first place.

    # Step 5
    Remove items (e. g. clothes, cosmetics, pictures, etc.) you associate with him. Block and delete all his contact details (e. g. phone number, email address, whatsapp, Facebook, Instagram, snapchat, etc.). No direct or indirect contact with him whatsoever. Block even his closed friends if necessary.

    # Step 6
    While carrying out the above five steps, engage in new or abandoned hobbies. Schedule targets for each hobby to do daily or weekly. If not of my last breakup, I wouldn't have been writing this opinion post now. I took on writing, road/trail running, and cross fitness exercises as hobbies.

    # Step 7
    Draw inspiration from a previous breakup or personal life challenge. I reflected on my very first breakup. It dawn on me I had a new girlfriend months later. I then flashed my mind back to the current breakup. I then questioned myself rhetorically: why am I even feeling sad? It suddenly changes my mood. It's like telling myself I have been through this before, and came out stronger 6 to 12 months.

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    • Thank you very much for the detailed list of steps. I really appreciate it!

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What Guys Said 5

  • first love always leaves a mess when the other person leaves.
    the time heals all wounds... just give it time and things will slowly get better... I experienced that from my first breakup and the best thing you can do is spending time with friends and family.

    Good luck...

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  • Try to occupy your mind. It will help but not make it 100% better. First love is the hardest because you are left wondering if you will ever feel the same way again. Just remember if you feel all the memories and time spent together meant nothing, just remember it is what they chose.

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  • there are other dudes and fun things to do that have nothing to do with dudes. Get up, get your shit together and power through until you don't need to over time.

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  • Love only goes away with love. Find someone else and you ll forget about him in no time.

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  • Have to cut him out of your life!

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What Girls Said 2

  • HOP ON A NEW DICK! Feel that sexual freedom release you from your prison !!!

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  • Meet new people. Enjoy your life. Be a pro at whatever you do. Keep yourself super busy so you've no time for him

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