My boyfriend asked for space to "figure things out" but wants me to keep texting? What do I do?

My boyfriend and I dated for 8 months. We both just knew that we were right for each other and he told his family he'd found "the one." Apparently though he started having doubts after we attended his brothers wedding in October. His family loves me, and he even told them to expect us to be next. However, after a recent trip to visit his family over New Year's, I confronted him about acting differently and he said he no longer knew what he wanted with us because we both have issues to work on individually. I asked if he needed space and he said yes, but that we could still text because it would be easier. He also said he doesn't believe in taking breaks because they only cause couples to drift apart. So I have no idea what that means and we haven't actually said if we're breaking up or not. He hasn't contacted me but he still likes my statuses on social media and it still says we're in a relationship. I feel like he only said we could text to make me feel better since he's not initiating it. It seems like a break up and I have no idea what to do. Should I give him more time or just let him go? Mind you I'm 26 and he's 27, and with past breakups I've always used the no contact rule. Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks for the opinions. I understand it may have been cold feet and I asked if that might have been it but he said no. I've never pressured him about marriage. Still, it's a possibility.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Cold feet. He's not ready to marry.
    It's a shame you two couldn't just sit down and share your fears and concerns. Then you could still be dating.
    What a dumbass.
    Does he really know how you feel about him? Or did you keep him guessing?

    • Yes we've told each other that we love and care about each other frequently. When we talked I told him how much I still loved him and he said he loved me too but he just wasn't sure what he wanted. He's been divorced before and I guess it was nasty, so he tends to avoid conflict. I tried to gently bring up concerns about something being a little off prior to the confrontation, but he kept saying things were fine even though his actions and moods said otherwise.

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    • I doubt you're getting the true picture of his feelings, concerns, fears, or whatever the issue is. If he's backed off he can either explain, if he understands it, or or become defensive. A girl asking about what the dealeo is and why he's not as interesting isn't nagging or 'bombarding'. It's a legitimate question/concern.
      Quit second guessing yourself. You're not a mind-reader.
      And you DIDN'T "know you were right for each other" because it takes longer than that and sometimes it doesn't work out. This is precisely what dating is for - to discern whether it's a match or not. Don't get all caught up in the euphoria of the relationship so that you ignore the huge red flags.

    • Thank you, really. I know I deserve better than this, and you're absolutely right that it takes longer than what we gave it. I normally don't allow myself to get so caught up but something about this guy changed all of my rules and I let myself get out of control with all of his talk of the future. I often overthink things and second guess myself, but you've given me some clarity.

Most Helpful Girl

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What Guys Said 3

  • He basically is unsure of his feelings is what it sounds like. He wants to keep you around because chances are he is looking for other women but if that doesn't pan out he will want you to take him back.

  • Anybody who says they need space to work things out is breaking up with you and not being candid about it. Go no contact.

  • do as he asked for.


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