I think I might have had a very early miscarriage during the break up, can you offer some comfort for my situation?

I was under incredible stress due to my boyfriend of the time. He kept being on and off with me for a month, it was so emotionally up and down.

Half a week before the end of the relationship, I got what I thought at the time was my period. But it was soo heavy that I didn't want to stay around my ex's plus he was being very emotionally volatile so I thought best not to.

Anyway that bleeding lasted probably 11 days at least and I had very bad cramping. I got sickness and diarrhoea that week and couldn't eat. Since then I've had very light almost non existent periods both times.

I was so in shock about the break up and such a state that I couldn't really process the fact that it might have been a miscarriage (would have been up to 5 or 6 weeks I think).

I have had to come to terms that my ex was emotionally abusive, starting to be physical at times, emotionally manipulative, had money problems and health complications so he was no good anyway and I haven't loved him since we broke up.

But I do wonder if I had a miscarriage or not and I'm really confused. Has anyone experienced the same thing? Or have words to comfort me? I'm feeling quite in shock about it.

I didn't say anything to him cos I just didn't trust him to care about my feelings or believe me. He made me such a state and so beaten down its only now i'm happier that I can process what might've happened in its entireity.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • My wife had a similar experience the first time she was pregnant. (Home pregnancy test was positive.) A few weeks in, she started having what seemed like an extra painful period. She called and I took her to get the ultrasound her doctor ordered. We knew on the ultrasound technician's face and didn't really need the doctor to come tell us. Not that we were hopeful by that point anyway.

    I'm so sorry you're going through that.

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    • I'm sorry you and your wife went through that

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    • thank you :) soon hopefully

    • I hope so, too.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Please understand I'm not trying to seem insensitive to your situation - but unless you're sure that you were pregnant don't go looking for symptoms that it could have been a miscarriage. Obviously you were in a terrible relationship - what good will it do you to hear that you could have potentially lost a baby as well when really no one can tell you for sure that's what it was? It's just going to prolong your emotions around over man and extend the healing process.
    Don't invite misery in, when it could 100% have been a heavy period induced from stress

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    • okay, thank you you are right, I think I have to assume it wasn't and try to forget about it

    • Always easier said then done though right? 😊 Onto bigger and brighter things honey

    • yeah. Thank you :) Its taking me a whike to recover but I hoope I will get there soon

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What Guys Said 3

  • I'm glad to hear that you got away from an abusive partner. Seeing the abusive relationship for what it really is can be extremely difficult while still with that partner.

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    • It sounds like you may have had a miscarriage but it would probably be a good idea to see a doctor to rule out any other medical problem. Are you in a safe situation now? Is the ex still causing any issues for you?

    • he broke up with me and I didn't realise he was abusive till after so I guess it was a really lucky escape. Thank you.

      Yeah maybe. I had a really bad period when I was grieving once so it might have just been stress related I dunno. Im safe now. He only lives ten minutes way tho. I'm scared he's going to talk shit about me and make it difficult for me at work tho and I bump into him sometimes tho he had blanked me and blanks my fruends. I;m worried about bumping into his family

  • really sorry to hear about that
    shit happens.
    i hope you get recover from it very soon
    stay strong

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    • Thank you :)

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    • thanks :)

    • No Problemoo :)

  • Looking for symptoms etc won't help you. Only confirmed chemical tests will.
    I'm happy your free now.

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What Girls Said 17

  • It's a very unfortunate situation, but what you can take in comfort is that it probably wasn't you just something went wrong during implementation and it's nothing that you can control. It's hard either way because you still feel like you've lost something, but just try to be as positive as you Canby and maybe you can write how you feel Or seek a local group that may be around.

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    • thanks for your reply

  • Im studying to be a nurse. You symptoms could be just the stress. If it is a miscarriage, I wouldn't feel too horrible about it. 1/10 pregnancies end in miscarriages, most of them don't even know there pregnant and think its just a heavy period. Its one of the reasons you have to wait until your 16 weeks to tell people the news. I'm sorry if you're feeling sad about this, but it is a normal occurrence. Just be relieved that your not having a baby with a douche bag.

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  • I don't know if you are a Christian or not... but if you are then I suggest pray and god will provide. Now if you aren't then if it was a miscarriage just try to stay strong and keep going. As for the ex f**k him screw him just forget about him. He doesn't deserve you.

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    • thanks its hard to forget tho!

  • I read this yesterday and passed it because it was a sensitive subject for me. When I saw it again today, I feel like I need to say something...

    I don't mean to be insensitive to your ordeal whatsoever. Getting out of an abusive, toxic relationship is one of the most difficult things a person can do. That being said, I'm going to shoot you straight here and it's. It going to be a very popular sentiment, I'm sure. But, sometimes brute honesty can do good.

    I've had 6 confirmed miscarriages and 1 chemical pregnancy. You were not pregnant. You are emotionally divesting in a toxic relationship and you're trying any scenario in your head/heart to make things work, even if it's on a subconscious level. You're not the first to think a baby or even the tragedy of losing a baby would bond you together and bring you both back to a copesetic place of harmony in your relationship. You're not the last.

    This is some fantasy your heart has concocted for whatever reason. If it wasn't, you would have seen this "miscarriage" as a relief. A chance to break away clean and start with someone new. Ya feel me?

    As far as what you passed at "5-6 weeks," you can be assured that was excess tissue since you said you were 2 weeks late-ish. Of course you're going to have a heavier period when you're late... the body has additional time to build up your lining. If late or irregular periods are your thing, I'd consult with and MD for evaluation. Could be a sign of endometriosis but it's defo not a miscarriage. As a previous poster suggested, even by 5-6 weeks you pass a definite sack and related tissue.

    I'd further look into why you feel this way as that's what's going to ultimately get you in the right mind frame and be able to have happy, healthy relationships in the future.

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    • I'm not trying to upset you by this question so im sorry if I did. I'm obviously having a really hard time and wanting advice.

      I'm not going to argue I was because I will never kno for sure. I hope you are right, I didn't think it would bond us together. I was relieved. That's part of the confusion. I knew it would be horrific if I had a baby with him. AT the same time it would still be mine and it wouldn't be the baby's fault. I fell numb and relieved but also confused for feeling like that. I did have excess tissue and weird stuff - that's what made me think I might have been pregnant. I was unwell like I've never been before the sickness was awful.

      I wouldn't want it to bond us togtehr, but if I was pregnant I would want him to know so he realises what a sack of shit he is

    • Your question didn't upset me as in make me angry. No way, no how. I just meant that miscarriages are sensitive for me because I've had so many. Typing out the details of one isn't a pleasant thing.

    • right, okay, glad it didn't. thnx for your advice

  • it's sad that this happened to you and am glad you are over him... but really don't try to guess your condition I advice to go and see a doctor asap then you will know everything for sure and if it's really a miscarriage seeing a doctor is a must as it very common to get infections and that can complicate things so take care of health first

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    • I don't know if I am over him it really hurt even tho he broke up with me :( thanks

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    • you are welcome... am here when you want to talk

    • thank you :) I had really bad dreams about him the last two nights. I keep having conversations with him in my head where I tell him what an abuser he is. it really hurts that he doesn't know how bad he fucked me up

  • Have you been to the doctor yet? If you haven't then that's something you need to do right away.

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    • its been too long now I think

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    • I don't really know. When the bleeding happened was that around the time that you would have had your period?

    • I think so but it could have been a very late period.

  • See your doctor... I had one but the bleeding lasted for like a month and I did a test

    I suggest you see your doctor as it might be something else (not saying it is) or just to confirm whether it was a failed pregnancy or not

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  • I'm sorry ab the situation and hope you're feeling okay. I think you should go to your obgyn to see what's really up with your body, only they can tell for sure

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  • how long ago did this happen? How were the cramps in comparison to how your period cramps usually are?

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    • 3 months now, and horrific compared to how they are normally

    • sounds like a miscarriage, I'm sorry :/

    • its okay I don't know for sure either way

  • don't worry it didn't last long Bcz u deserve so much btr. It's btr to be single than to be in an abusive relationship. Glad to hear u walked out.

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    • thank you! He actually left me but never mind

  • At least you get to start a new relationship with a completely clean slate.

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  • I'm so sorry that you went through this and I have gone through a similar thing a couple of times. I thought that I too had a miscarriage, but in retrospect I realize that the stress had just caused me to have a really heavy, nasty period. I believe if you were actually pregnant you would have passed a lump of cells or something that looks like a tiny sack.

    Personally I know that stress will also cause me to miss or delay a period which means that the next one will be much worse. It sounds to me like yours was delayed 2 weeks. I really think it wasn't a baby.

    I hope that things are gradually getting better for you as you recover from your relationship. I hate the stress of being a single mom, but I keep reminding myself that my worst day alone is still a hundred times better than my worst day married to an abusive guy.

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    • thanks I hope you are right! It is far better for your child to be away from him too. I'mglad you got out

  • I send you healing and love to you my friend

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  • I wonder why in 21 century women still guess about pregnancy... when there is a home tests, blood tests, ultrasounds and so on...

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    • because i'd already potentially lost It my the time I realised I might have been pregnant it would have been an early miscarriage. did you read the question?

  • Sending you my love, hang in there girl no one deserves to be treated like that

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  • I am so sorry! I think I had a miscarriage not too long ago because I cramped soo bad for threee days and then on the third day lump of tissue the size of my palm came out! That was aweful! I can only imagine how you feel right now with the stress of your ex on top of the miscarriage! My fiance stuck by my side 100%! I cannot imagine doing it alone! Just know that people are thinking of you!

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    • thank you so much my lovely. its hard cos I don't wanna say anything to anybody

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    • thank you :)

    • No problem love!

  • Miscarriages that early do often present as just a very heavy period. If this happened recently, like within a couple days you can purchase a pregnancy test and it can still pick up HCG if you just want peace of mind that you were pregnant or were not. But that level drops pretty fast.

    Sorry you're going through that. Unfortunately those kinds if miscarriages are quite common. Most women never even know they've had one.

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    • i think its been way too long now - I was in too much of a state to do that or realise what was happening. thanks for the advice. its confusing to know how to feel cos I don't know if I had it or not for sure

    • Understandable. I've had a few and it's confusing even when you did know. It's the sad part of pregnancy that you never hear or learn about until it happens.

    • yeah. I feel confused cos I didn't even get to decide what to do and my ex won't even know that happened. I've had all this pain and he doesn't even realise the extent of the damage he's caused

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