What to do when boyfriend says I need to communicate and now basically have an ultimatum of breaking up if we don't answer important questions?

My boyfriend and I have been together almost two years. Even though we have different backgrounds and personalities I know he's the one. We love each other so very much but one main issue has been bothering us. He thinks we are on different pages. We want to live together first then get married. He's atheist and I'm catholic. My parents were very strict catholic and strict with me to the point I'm too scared to communicate with them or anyone really. He doesn't think they truly know him, and I guess I felt his beliefs were none of their business but he's worried because he has to ask my dad to marry me and my dad's alluded to him a catholic wedding. I don't even want a catholic wedding either. I'm 23 he's 32. As I get older I believe in spirituality more than organized religion. Anyways, it's got to the point we had a huge argument that he basically said I should stop moving in and we should take some time to assess where we are at because he feels we've been coasting on love but don't talk about things like what to do when his son graduates and he wants to move to his hometown far away and other stuff. I told my mom what's going on and she said she'd support us no matter what and we had a huge much needed heart to heart. I told my boyfriend but we still kind of have tensions and I know I should have told them sooner and discussed these important things with him and I want to communicate better from now on. I'm just scared it's too late... do you think I ruined our relationship with my fear of communication or do you think if I continue to tell him what I feel and how much I love him and ask other important questions we need to answer before moving on that we will be okay? I love him so much I can't think of losing him. I truly want a lot of the same things as him.


Most Helpful Girl

  • He was justified in pausing things if he doesn't feel you're completely open with him and you're both considering something as serious as marriage, but you also took the initiative to be honest with your parents, which was a good step. Now everything is in the open just continue to communicate about what you both want, be sure to support your words with actions and maintain integrity and he should see that you have done what he's asked, which is all you can do. Now it's up to him to recognize that and be happy that you did it.

    • Thank you so much for your response. I know it was a long question. I will definitely be focusing on not only words, but actions as well.

    • That's all you can do and it will be what he wants or it won't.

    • We talked some more and his biggest fear is that when he was my age he went with the flow for everything and he doesn't want me to do the same. He's afraid of us getting ten years down the line married with kids and having hidden resentments because I ended up not happy. I appreciate his worries, but at the same time I don't want him to push me away by not believing in my decisions. He's going to talk with his family I think he misses them and talking with them and alluded to sometimes getting stuck in his head being so far away. Hopefully we can work things out!

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