Guys, I cheated on my husband, because I felt like he didn't love me anymore?

recently i cheated on my husband because i felt like he doesn't love me, and i felt like he was cheating also do too us arguing and him being out for hours at a time, and then him accuse me of cheating, when i never thought of doing such thing, and when i did, i told him, he flipped out, he cried, he yelled and i felt so bad, because he was always calling me names and accusing me of shit I've never done. and I wish i never did that. him and his parents told me he acts like that because he's extremely jealous, and i dont see how. but its because he doesn't want anyone taking me from him. and i FEEL SOOO BAD, and I've never cheated either, so i feel equally as gross and bad. and i want him to know im sorry, but i dont know how. i was told to leave him alone, but im scared he's going to do something stupid. what can i do to get him to know im extremely sorry? the guilt is unbearable and is eating me alive. any ideas please?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Sounds like you just made his worst nightmare come true.

    First you both need to go see a relationship counselor. The only way to get him back, if he even wants you back, is to endure that guilt for a long time, probably many many months. Then when he is genuinely ready to actually open up and be vulnerable to you again you will feel more guilt and pain then you have ever felt in your life and if you don't he will reject you. Then you will finally be at a point where you can start working towards forgiveness, then after a while you can begin to work on the problems in your relationship.

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    • we are trying to goto a realtionship counselor, but we have to find one. i hope there not expensive. I've felt the guilt since i did it, so basically i just need to give him space?

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    • thank you, me too. how do i go along with the healing process with him?

    • I'd say get a good couples therapist.

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What Guys Said 10

  • This is probably irreparable. Start planning for a divorce

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    • we are going to conculing soon, and he's fucked up too, well let me refrazed this. (before this happened) he took my big teddy bear and said he's giving it to some "black bitch" as he said, and i took it and put it on my sisters bed and came back later and its no where to be found and still isn't, he's talked about going to the strip club and finding prettier girls, he's left at 3am and came back at 11am after argueing and he doesn't have a car, he walks, and he's been hiding his messages on facebook when we both had eachother pasword so we new we had nothing to hide, and he cahnged his, and i can't even see it, when he knew mine, and still does.
      and he's told my mom he still cares, and she told me that he does and just let it grow from there, which is why im leaving him alone for a while

  • It's time to call it a day and separate. Unless you both are VERY strong, it's just not going to get better. The damage is done. No turning the clock back. What he has done is so obvious. He's accused you of something you hadn't done at the time. This sort of behaviour sometimes acts like a prophecy, and the imagined act becomes a reality.

    I think that both of you should move on, eventually with fresh partners.

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    • would me going to a shelter for a week or so help? i will move on, after i know deep down in my heart i did the best i could to help our situation.

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    • okay, thank you

    • You're welcome. I hope some good comes from this!

  • You cheated because you felt like he didn't love you anymore and you were afraid he was cheating? That makes literally NO sense. If you cheated then you clearly didn't love him. If you think he was cheating you clearly didn't trust him. Same with him and his insecurities. Just tell him what happened and break up with him. That's my advice. And you should feel bad, thats good. Means you have a conscience. He should feel bad about how shitty he was to you too.

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    • i feel really bad too. but i have edvenance he was cheating now. and im did, im dumped him hard, because he was driving me to the point i thought i was insane

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    • thats good!

    • yea im happy its over, i thought i was insane because i was going all this stuff he said i was, though i didn't do shit

  • Married too young...

    But anyway, if he doesn't know don't tell him and just don't do it again. Telling him is selfish. Just grow as a person, you both sound very immature. Maybe seek counseling.

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    • oh um, i didn't tell him, he found on on his own, it was with a family member, and im not extremly immature, but he is, (i am immature, but enough to be able to take a realtionship serious) except for him who goes and gives my teddy bear to a black girl in the neighbour hood.

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    • Stockholm syndrome, again just picking what is comfortable what you know, what is easy, he is emotionally abusing you and verbally abusing you, you get weakened, you feel pathetic. He isn't right, you just believe him because of shitty psychological evolutionary adaptations. Break the cycle, be strong.

    • thank you. i will most definitly take all this advice from everybody afte our councling, thank you

  • game over. everything he has done to get you to cheat is enough to show that the relationship isn't working. both sides are being hurt and it shouldn't be dragged out for months/years. find a better soul mate

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    • this usually ends in DV

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    • is a no go*

    • maybe counseling so you can get a piece of mind or get some closure before you realize that it's not going to work out in the long run

  • Congrats you've done a freaky thing that could cause "not very very happy ending" you get it? There is no advice for you because we are not cheaters and we never been in a damn thing like you've done.

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    • first off, i asked for advice, if you dont have any there is no need to comment, okay? second, he fucked up the realtionship before i did, and third, it happened because i felt worthless and he makes that clear, i wanted a free way out, because when i have tried everything he gets all teary and it fuckes me up, so i stay. i didn't do it because i love cheating, I've never done it until now, and i still feel nasty and gross. but, the happy ending will be leaving him if thats what i need, ass everybody else on here with ADVICE not judgement said i should do, its balls it up and get the fuck out. after counseling i will do excatally that. :) and we? who is we? i know way more men that have cheated, and i think you mean YOU, if you never have great, then your life must be perfect, if not, then you have no damn business judgeing mine.

    • So this is your excuse? You felt worthless and you cheated him? Peoples like you just complaining and making some great mistakes then "He already f*cked up this relationship, he put the gasoline to our relationship and I just throw the fire so he's the problem not me" so I'm just wondering is there any punishment for cheating. You dishonored him, you f*cked up his trust parameters so after you he won't trust anyone and if he could get married again he will always be worried about cheating. This is serious you could just end your marriage.

  • tell him directly what u feel and what is the situation explain him. do tell him as soon as you can bcause once if he will know from someone else it will be disaster

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    • he already knows, i didn't get to tell him my self, his sister and the other guy told him during a family meeting.

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    • take couple therpy

    • okay thank you

  • So you had a feeling? Sorry lady, you messed up, he will never trust you again, or want to be with you.

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    • well let me refrazed this. (before this happened) he took my big teddy bear and said he's giving it to some "black bitch" as he said, and i took it and put it on my sisters bed and came back later and its no where to be found and still isn't, he's talked about going to the strip club and finding prettier girls, he's left at 3am and came back at 11am after argueing and he doesn't have a car, he walks, and he's been hiding his messages on facebook when we both had eachother pasword so we new we had nothing to hide, and he cahnged his, and i can't even see it, when he knew mine, and still does.

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    • Well goodluck, sorry for being harsh earlier, you are seeking help and I was being an ass. I am not good at advice, sorry about that.

    • its all good, shit happens, as i learn on my own. thank you anyways. :)

  • Self flagulation might be a start.

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    • whats does that mean?

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    • i willing to not give up, he wants to, but i told him about the councling first. thank you. i do appreciate it

    • It takes 2 for a marriage to work. Your welcome. I will pray for you. I wish you the best of luck.

  • Congratulations, you ruined your marriage yourself! So, act as an adult and accept results! By the way, who told you that paying evil by evil solves problems? Considering how he reacted, he did not cheat on you! You just made up a story in your mind because you felt insecure and thought other women will take him away!

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    • i didn't ask for how i ruined my marriage, he has done so much shit too, i asked because i want to know how i can repair it as much as possible, he ruined it by calling me fat, and stupid, and a piece of shit, so before you go saying i ruined it on my own, try to know the whole story, i asked for advice, not for a horse beating!

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