HETERO GUYS: Ever had an attractive girl who you loved emotionally, but not physically?

I'm in my 30s so I've been around the block a few times with women both short and long term. However the most painful breakup I've had was with a woman I loved very deeply as a person, but wasn't sexually attracted to her. She was cute but for some stupid reason I just didn't have it for her. This girl was deeply in love with me for almost a year and was WAY more into me physically than vice versa.

I hated myself intensely for not wanting sex often with her (I'm 100% hetero btw). She confronted me one time and burst into tears saying she didn't feel attractive. I placated her by saying "why don't we be traditional" i. e. stop the role reversal (she initiated probably 80 % of the time)

However I loved everything else about this woman. I even had the marriage idea swim around my head a few times. However I started to rationalize to myself that "how could I spend the rest of my life with her if I already don't want into get bed with her..."

So I felt too guilty to dump her. Instead I drove her into dumping me. I started acting depressive, arrogant, aloof on purpose to lower her interest level. However I never insulted her or did anything over the top. It ended up working out well. I saw a change in her attitude and lo and behold she dumped me. At the split I did argue with her slightly, but I ultimately told her that "I was angry at myself but a part of me would always love her (true)". Turns she wanted ABSOLUTELY nothing to with me after that.

This wounded me very deeply, for a very long time. Now it's been almost 3 years since that split. I also had another long term relationship end after this one above. However that one didn't bother me at all. With that chic it was the polar opposite... way physically attracted to her but not emotionally.

Just curious if any other dudes on here have ever had a similar situation i. e. love an attractive girl as a friend but just don't have it for her for a reason you don't know? This one has haunted me.


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What Girls Said 1

  • I think it's the difference between romantic love and the other love, but I don't really know.

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    • I see this happen to women a lot, but for straight men.

What Guys Said 1

  • Not really, if I didn't feel anything for her I eventually broke it off but it does seem like attractive ones never stay around long and dumped me

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    • yeah I just couldn't find any other reason to dump her besides not wanting to get in bed with her. I could have lied and said I cheated or did something else stupid. However I had absolutely no reason to hurt her, it sucked. She was independent, driven, caring, easy going, fun. cooked for me, etc.

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    • Just worried I'll never find anybody that I could that way intimately with. Very wimpy/feminine thing to say I know, but is the truth.

    • You will eventually, just wasn't the one I guess

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