After knowing each other for over 40 years (married for 26) my parents are in the early stages of divorce. Long story short my mother has severe mental issues from growing up in a brutal family. Her parents showed her little affection, support. Her mother was extremely controlling, domineering, manipulative and negative to the point that most of my cousins even noticed it (aren't grandparents/grandkids supposed to be allies?). She wore the pants in the family (loved my late grandpa, but he was passive) My folks moved about 1500 miles away to another state 26 years ago. However the distance made no difference on how my mom turned out. Mother like daughter... my mom applied the same dysfunctional behavior towards my dad and towards her kids (I got the worst being oldest). She always has to be in control of everything due to some deep rooted insecurity.
Since I was a teenager I knew there was always something wrong with my mom's behavior. My dad was no wimp, but he did MUCH MUCH more to please my mother than the other way around. He wanted to be a good husband and father. He did the best job he could.
Anyway 3 years ago my dad made a career change to become a entrepreneur. He planned and saved up plenty of money for this occasion. The industry he works in now builds on itself, so the first couple years are rough. However my mom feels like it isn't "appropriate" that he works from home. She refused to understand that it takes time for him to build his business (and it is growing slowly but surely). He was the breadwinner for almost the entire marriage.
Anyway I don't have space to go into details of something things my mom has done (e. g. sometimes violent behavior). However my brother is telling me not to take sides, but it's really hard. I'm proud of my dad for finally standing his ground. He doesn't want a divorce but mother refuses to get counseling or admit fault in any way shape or form. I just hate seeing good men get screwed over.
Most Helpful Girl
She will find ways to always make you feel less. I think your mom's behavior may worsen because she's going to be realizing that she has no control whatsoever, but your dad needs to take his life back and find his happy ending. It sounds like that your dad is not the only one that needs to stand up to her. I don't get how people can just have this repetitive cycle of behavior but blame everything on their parents but they turn around you the same exact shit. (referring to your mom). He needs to be careful with just leaving the house unless she kicked him out. Because in a lot of states that's considered abandonment. I don't think you necessarily ruined a relationship, you just ruined that particular relationship and the good thing about that is you can build and learn from that and learn that you don't want the same qualities in your partner as your mother has.
As far as taking sides I mean you know what is what, isn't. It's not a war. You are a grown adult and are able to make the decisions that you feel like you need to make.1
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