How do you let go of someone who you really love?

I (20 years old) met this guy (21 years old) exactly a year ago (February 2016).

he became my first everything (first kiss/boyfriend/sex/etc). I was kind of a late bloomer because I grew up in a very abusive family- yet I trusted him and fell in love. However, what I found out later is that he was actually looking for a fling with me, as he had to go back to his home country in a few months.

After a while, one morning after I made him breakfast, he got up and told me that I am "too nice" for him. He said that I "need a little bit more edge", and he left.

I spent the next few months extremely devastated. I cried every night, thinking about him, dreaming about him... I have tried to get over him by becoming "friends with benefits" with a good male friend of mine, and I ended up missing my ex even more because I felt empty and we ended after a few months.

To this day, we are still friends on social media. During the period when I was getting busy with my friend, my ex still constantly sent me funny pictures on Snapchat and would sometimes ask me how I am doing. Perhaps that is why I still cannot forget him.

Today, one of his best friends posted a status that they are officially in a serious relationship now on Facebook. I feel really happy for him, but sad at the same time. I have sent him my best wishes and he seems to be super happy and in love with that girl. He was gushing to me about how great she is, and I felt so painful in my heart because I know that I need to let him go but I just can't.

What should I do? I just can't stop thinking about him. Please help.


Most Helpful Guy

  • First let me say I'm sorry you've experienced your first heartbreak. There's nothing like that devastating feeling of sharing your heart with someone and loving them unconditionally with the idea that there're feeling the same only to have the reality hit later on that they can move on from you... easily. I'm so sorry.

    The truth as I've experienced it is that there is no quick fix! Some will say erase him and forget what once was, others get a new hobby, and others a new mate that will take your mind off of him. And they're not wrong, but it's not exactly right either. The truth is time. Trying to act like it never happened never did anyone any good. When you love someone you take the hit that comes with remembering the good times you shared, and knowing you no longer have that. But you don't let it hinder your progress in life either. In time as each day passes by, you're forced to find a way to cope, you're forced to continue on living without that person and as hard as it is now to picture, believe me :)... you'll get there.

    Cry, watch sappy love movies, talk with a friend, and understand the reality you're facing. And one day, I promise this will happen... you'll get up, the sun will be a smudge brighter than usual, people will once again seem pleasant to be around, music won't have such a tough effect on your emotions and a guy will come up to you in the Starbucks line and say hi. From there you'll be better :).

    Good luck if you read all that haha :).


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What Guys Said 4

  • First thing, break off all communication with him, including social media.

    Next, get rid of anything and everything that reminds you of him. Everything.

    Lastly, find a nice young man to have a meaningful relationship with and not some random friends with benefits.

  • Realize he only seems like the perfect one because he's been your first, so it seems like he's the only one that'll make you feel the way you did.

    But it's not true, you'll meet someone who is better than he is, who appreciates you and your "too nice"ness. Trust me. There are better men out there.

    Once you meet him, you'll see! Just relax and be patient and he'll come in time. :)

  • Well, first of all, he is a real git for going on about his girl. There is nothing wrong with being sweet and innocent, you just need to find someone compatible. I feel really sorry for you, this is a nasty situation. Of course you are going to have feelings for him. I kind of don't know what to do about it but when I read your question, I could not leave without a comforting word. From what I have heard, you can get over someone, but it takes time. I don't think there is any cure that will suddenly make you wake up tomorrow and magically be "over" him. You need to make sure you find someone who is right for you and it is not a good idea to have sexual relations until you are sure they are the one for you and they have shown they are not just interested in getting their leg over. Just find someone who will respect you and treat you good.

  • Sometimes finding another relationship helps


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