Is this relationship abuse?

I have reconnected with my ex from years ago and I've noticed a few things wrong with his behavior. Most of the time he is affectionate and extremely passionate; he says he wants to be with me forever etc. I've noticed during fights (when i'm not in the wrong at all), he will bring up old situations and turn the blame on me even if it isn't relevant and even if I have apologized for the problem, as if he has to get a 1-up to feel less bad. He will flatout ignore me during arguments, make my concerns and opinions feel obsolete, and i end up feeling crazy or bad every time i bring something up. He snaps very easily and sometimes he will have a tone of voice or even say something small that makes me feel very belittled.

I've tried talking to him about this stuff and almost left him for it too - I tell him it's unacceptable, I won't feel lesser than who I am, and I won't stick around if he continues to mistreat me or make me feel unspecial, unworthy etc. I don't know how to talk to him or fix it in a way where there will be actual positive change. I think he's never had a real relationship and has a lot to work on in terms of inflated ego, anger issues, and selfishness that's deeply rooted in him. . . This isn't to say he doesn't have good qualities, I feel more strongly for him than anyone i've ever had and I'm completely in love with him, and he does have good qualities but sucks at communicating and i'm not sure if he's being emotionally abusive?

Also, I noticed I myself react to his behavior sometimes in an immature way I wish I didn't by threatening him and acting immature, so it's not all on him.

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What Guys Said 1

  • He is probably a narcissistic pervert : he makes you think you're the jewel of his life but all he wants is power and control over you. He makes you feel guilty for older situations, never accept that he is wrong and can snap pretty easily. That kind of person like to have a little "slave" they have the power on. I'd suggest you to stop everything ASAP or you will suffer badly. There are better people out there.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I wouldn't exactly say this is abusive... but I know where you're coming from. My boyfriend is the same way. He hates communication, arguments, confrontation, etc. I feel that some people are just like that... but it is something that NEEDS TO change. I know I want to communicate TOO much even when there isn't a current problem, it's a problem of mine as well. Point is we all have problems. Address the issue and see if he can work on it. Best of luck

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  • Whether or not if it's abusive, if he makes you feel bad about yourself then don't be with him. You deserve to be edified and happy with your partner. Good luck girlfriend~

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