I found messages... Is my husband cheating on me?

My husband is a trainer at a gym. Last week he left his cell phone at home. He got a message I wouldn't normally check but if a client is cancelling a session he would need to know.

I opened the message it was from a young girl he trains, she is probably about half his age. My husband is 50 years old. The message was a picture that stated he was very sexy.

I was very angry and replied she responded saying she had sent it to the wrong person. It was on what's app so that was a blatant lie.

I confronted him and he said it was just a joke and meant nothing. I blocked and deleted her number on his phone.

A few days later I caught him sending pictures of our kids to her. I demanded to see the msgs. He hates any form of texting communication, he doesn't text me or family so to see the amount of messages he sends her hurt me.

Not to mention there were messages where she had called him 'babe' and where he had clearly deleted some msgs. When I confronted him he couldn't answer, he got defensive and said I was just jealous and over reacting.

I told him he was a liar and dishonest and that he can't train her any longer. I made him send her a message to end it. He did and the girl called him. I could tell the conversation was emotional. He told her he cared about her but I was very upset, wouldn't accept them seeing eachother and that there was nothing he could do to change my mind.

The next day he asked me if we could talk about it and basically didn't want to give her up.

I saw that before I had found the message he had emailed her early to warn her he had left his phone at home and she had not seen it in time.

He spends more quality time with her talking to her and being emotional with her. I don't know what to believe or what to do.

He went to spend time with her today as part of their training, when I called his work, he and she had gone for a drink.

Why won't he give this girl up? We have kids! Whats going on? Is he cheating? Any advice would be appreciated.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • From a relationship coaches perspective, I think you know the answer about whether he's cheating or not. All signs point to yes. My question to you is, why would you want to stay with someone who is cheating on you? Because you have kids? Not only is he cheating (which you already know) but he's hesitant to cease communication with her--which tells you where is heart is.

    Sincerely--we teach people how to treat us by virtue of what we expect (loyalty, faithfulness) and what we accept (disloyalty, lack of faithfulness). If you stay with him, it won't get better.

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    • I appreciate your answer. I think he's cheating emotionally. How can I be sure how can I nail it

    • BAM!! Right on the nailhead! Boyfriend cheated on me in 2015... Things have GOTTEN really bad. I try to forgive him, but can't due to reminders, his actions, his behavior, and he's pissed off at me and doesn't trust me? Ummm, yeah... I figured out that what he suspects of me, is basically him telling on himself... he suspects me cuz that's what he is doing!

Most Helpful Girl

  • It's cheating. He's investing time, emotion and commitment to another woman while hiding things and lying to you about it. Even after being found out he's choosing to nurture that relationship instead of repairing his marriage and family dynamic which will impact your children.
    I guess it depends on where your limit is... personally I would give it one last crack at an ultimatum that it's her or his family and he stops all contact or he needs to pack his bags and go.
    You need to make sure you're willing to stand firm on what you tell him, as any waivering on your decision will be seen as tolerance and weakness and he'll keep doing this.
    I'm sorry he's done this to you and your children, and hope you're able to find a happy future with or without him

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    • My kids are being affected by it they are very upset at us arguing and my eldest asked his father what it means to be a liar. He swears it's nothing but I tried to stop them seeing eachother and he won't do it. I found out they went for drinks and he took her home. What can I do

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    • I've been married to him for 20 years I don't want to just throw my marriage away. I don't think he has been physical with her

    • That's your choice, no one can make it for you

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 12

  • Yes your old pervered husband is cheating on your for sure...
    Tell him to stop completely or just divorce...

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    • I have tried to say stop but he won't stop seeing her I think it's an emotional affair

    • You should divorce him then maybe he will understand

  • Oh man, this is a hard situation. If your husband isn't cheating already, he will. If he is not willing to give her up like a mature married man, then there is really nothing you can do to "fix" this. I would tell him, if he isn't happy or content to have a monogamous relationship, then he can leave. You guys weren't born attached to the hip, you don't have to die that way.

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  • Go find a guy in your age group. That's if your GAG age is correct. I think he's going through the usual mid-life crisis. You deserve better that that. Your guy obviously wants to cheat even if he hasn't yet. Beat him to it and kick his butt out of your home.

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  • As a trainer he may have a different outlook on his clients physical shape. Don't make a bigger deal about messages with potential clients. If he spends more time at work then thats another thing!

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    • If she's a client, why is he sending pictures of his family to her? You don't do that with "client".

    • Very interested in your point of view. I didn't know of her until this message however he is very much involved with her and will not give her up despite everything

  • Maybe he won't give up this girl because its his client and he's training her lmao, i know i wouldn't

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    • What do you mean by that. This is my whole life it's not a joke

  • yup he is cheating. Come on a gym trainer? What did you expect especially if he looks younger than his age.

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    • There was not enough letters for me to explain why. He trains people alas we both used to be in Olympic competitions now he is too old I moved country for him

    • I would separate.

  • Sounds like he is definitely cheating.

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  • He is cheating.

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  • he uses whats app? when he's married?

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    • Yes for his work

    • thats really weird.. most companies just use phone numbers, in fact, they basically require a phone number

  • Lol that's what happens when you think all men twice your age are automatically more mature😂😂😂

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    • I'm actually 38. She is probably 25 or a few years more

  • Every cheater starts somewhere...

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    • Please explain

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    • He has always been loyal and he says they are just friends but what man fights that hard to keep a friendship going if it was just that

    • Do you admit to your current employer that you are looking for a new job when you can't find one yet? Same difference

  • "My husband is 50 years old. "

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    • Yes he is and this is not my account I am 38

What Girls Said 23

  • This sounds to me like an inappropriate relationship.
    1) Stating he's sexy and sends a selfie?
    2) "Sent it to the wrong person", "It was a joke" .. those are the oldest lies in the book
    3) He doesn't text you much, but has lengthy conversations with her?
    4) "Babe"
    5) Deleting messages
    6) No real explanation and flips it on you saying your jealous and overreacting
    7) The next day is more concerned about how she feels instead of how his WIFE feels?
    8) Gone out for a drink?

    I hate to break it to you. These are all huge red flags of a cheating partner.. Or she is milking him to try and get free training sessions. Either way it's not right.

    Work is work. It's suppose to stay professional and there should never be any outside conversations with his clients about anything else but training!!!

    I know you have kids and started a life with this man. It's devastating. Trust has been broken. This could definitely unfold into constant fighting. Is that an environment you want for your children or yourself? I think I would take a break for awhile to really think about it all. Most importantly listen to how you strongly feel and go with it. Do you want to be miserable for the rest of your life always questioning? or would you rather find someone who is dedicated to you and your family.

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  • He's apparently emotionally attached to this girl, possibly more than you and he hasn't shown you any respect throughout this whole situation. I would give him an ultimatum but I think he's fairly besotted with the girl and if he's not willing to put you first and show you that you are more important I'd say he's given up and is more focused on pleasing his new exciting crush.

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  • Large age gap relationships are a recipe for failed marriages.

    He's cheating

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  • Yeah... maybe he isn't cheating on you but he's definitely thought about it. No way to know for sure, though...

    He's 50 and you're between 25 and 29? Well... something like this might've been expected - he's either looking for someone younger or someone more exciting... obviously he likes younger women...

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  • if he has to hide something (or someone) from you, he is cheating.

    if he feels that he has to "give her up", rather than you and your kids, it's pretty obvious where his loyalties lie. save yourself any further pain and file for divorce asap.

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  • It sure sounds like he's cheating. The fact that it's with a girl half his age really means nothing since you are half his age as well...

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    • I posted this on behalf of my auntie. She is 38

  • You literally don't even need to ask... how much more proof do you need? He is OBVIOUSLY cheating... it's really obvious

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    • I've been married for years he has never told or given me a reason not to believe him

    • But this is really not right

  • I think he's definitely cheating with her and he tried to say you're being jealous to cover up some of what he was doing.

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    • I don't know what to do

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    • He is so adamant he is not cheating but he won't stop seeing her

    • Well than in my opinion, that would be technically cheating. He said she was a client. Why does he need to see her so often and why is she sending him stuff saying he looks sexy? I know that clients don't do that. She wants to sabotage your marriage with your husband and he's slowly pushing you away and letting this so called "client" into his life. He's trying to give that woman space to come in.

  • Oh yeah he's screwing her. I would get counseling... if that doesn't work get proof that he's doing it. Then get a lawyer.

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    • I think it's just emotional at the moment I think he wants to though

    • Maybe so... but I would find out if I was you.

  • Even if he has never been a dishonest kind of person, men will always lose their sense and be easily tempted by women they find attractive. I can't compare my situation with yours since I've never been married, but I always thought my ex was always loyal and honest until I found out he cheated on me with a model. Your husband is definitely cheating on you, the fact that he is hiding a lot and defenda her is obvious signs, and I find it disturbing that he sent photos of your kids to that woman.
    Even if he's a trainer, it's wrong and unprofessional to have such a strong bond with a client and he doesn't respect the fact that you feels hurt and devastated. You deserve feeling happy.

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  • I was that girl. Sorry about that. He's cheating on you with me. 😄

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  • You already know he is cheating. The question is, "what are you going to do?"

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    • I don't think they are cheating physically but emotionally I am concerned of the involvement

  • how convenient that he uses their ”training” as an excuse to be with her.

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    • Yes he does do that. It's a big excuse so he used his job to make me agree to it

  • Yes you know that...

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  • What are you waiting for? Divorce him immediately!

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    • Divorce after many years of marriage is a big thing when I have no concrete evidence

  • he is completely cheating

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  • I would say yes he is darling and im sorry.

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    • I'm sure it's not physical I think it's emotional I think he loves her

    • You know the truth... Listen to it, even if you hate the answer

  • Yeah, he is...

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  • He's probably cheating.

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  • Yah he's cheating. Your 1/2 his age too it looks like, how did that start? Once a Chester always a cheater

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