My husband is a trainer at a gym. Last week he left his cell phone at home. He got a message I wouldn't normally check but if a client is cancelling a session he would need to know.
I opened the message it was from a young girl he trains, she is probably about half his age. My husband is 50 years old. The message was a picture that stated he was very sexy.
I was very angry and replied she responded saying she had sent it to the wrong person. It was on what's app so that was a blatant lie.
I confronted him and he said it was just a joke and meant nothing. I blocked and deleted her number on his phone.
A few days later I caught him sending pictures of our kids to her. I demanded to see the msgs. He hates any form of texting communication, he doesn't text me or family so to see the amount of messages he sends her hurt me.
Not to mention there were messages where she had called him 'babe' and where he had clearly deleted some msgs. When I confronted him he couldn't answer, he got defensive and said I was just jealous and over reacting.
I told him he was a liar and dishonest and that he can't train her any longer. I made him send her a message to end it. He did and the girl called him. I could tell the conversation was emotional. He told her he cared about her but I was very upset, wouldn't accept them seeing eachother and that there was nothing he could do to change my mind.
The next day he asked me if we could talk about it and basically didn't want to give her up.
I saw that before I had found the message he had emailed her early to warn her he had left his phone at home and she had not seen it in time.
He spends more quality time with her talking to her and being emotional with her. I don't know what to believe or what to do.
He went to spend time with her today as part of their training, when I called his work, he and she had gone for a drink.
Why won't he give this girl up? We have kids! Whats going on? Is he cheating? Any advice would be appreciated.
Most Helpful Guy
From a relationship coaches perspective, I think you know the answer about whether he's cheating or not. All signs point to yes. My question to you is, why would you want to stay with someone who is cheating on you? Because you have kids? Not only is he cheating (which you already know) but he's hesitant to cease communication with her--which tells you where is heart is.
Sincerely--we teach people how to treat us by virtue of what we expect (loyalty, faithfulness) and what we accept (disloyalty, lack of faithfulness). If you stay with him, it won't get better.6
Most Helpful Girl
It's cheating. He's investing time, emotion and commitment to another woman while hiding things and lying to you about it. Even after being found out he's choosing to nurture that relationship instead of repairing his marriage and family dynamic which will impact your children.
I guess it depends on where your limit is... personally I would give it one last crack at an ultimatum that it's her or his family and he stops all contact or he needs to pack his bags and go.
You need to make sure you're willing to stand firm on what you tell him, as any waivering on your decision will be seen as tolerance and weakness and he'll keep doing this.
I'm sorry he's done this to you and your children, and hope you're able to find a happy future with or without him1
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