Is it a warning sign when a girl talks about her ex?

I've been really into this girl and we've been talking a lot lately. We've been practically dating for a while now. It would be a lot more serious if we weren't so far apart.

She's just moved on after being engaged. It's been more than a year now but their relationship was close to 7 years long.

Now every now and then she will casually mention him. Nothing too serious. It doesn't bother me or anything. I'm fairly confident about myself. It's just I'm worried there might be more that meets the eye here.

Am I reading into this too much?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think it's a big deal if an ex comes up. It came up in my relationship on both ends, just casually. It's a red flag if she obsessively bitches and moans about him constantly.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes that mean she hasn't gotten over him and if she does hookup with you it's a rebound relationship. Never get involve with women who are still strung up over their ex.

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    • Detail: Who dumped who? Also what did they dump over with? How old is she when they broke up?

      With this information, I can paint clearly whether you are backup/replacement husband. Though based on what you've stated so far sounds like your the safe beta, she picks for security/safety.

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    • So you think I shouldn't even bring the topic up with her? How am I to be sure?

    • Wth? Where is this gibberish about the inability o love whole heartedly with the next person? Dear heaven, must we all end up marrying the very first person each of us women fell in love with? Do not impose your personal perspectives on all of us. That's awful! 😤

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 17

  • I think you're reading too much into it. That was 7 years of her life. What is she supposed to do? Act like those years never were and completely omit them from herself? Have you thought how hard it would be for you to erase 7 years of your life and never once mention anything that ever happened? I'd say it's her just being open, honest, and telling you about her life. That's a good sign. If it's obsessive, super negative, any of those would be red flags. Otherwise... it's life. She's with you, she's opening up to you. Give her a safe place to do that and see where it goes?

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  • I think that's pretty normal all things considered. Perhaps even a good thing.

    People avoid talking about their exes when first dating (for very good reason). But you've been dating for a while now and she's probably a lot more comfortable now with your relationship.

    You can't expect her to never mention her ex. They were in a relationship for 7 years, he was a very large part of her life. I would be more concerned if she never mentioned her ex. That would mean that she doesn't feel comfortable talking about him, which would mean she still had very strong emotions where her ex is concerned.

    Only thing that could be concerning would be dependant on context. Like if she mentions him when during sex, or when you're having an otherwise romantic moment. Because that means that at that exact moment, her mind strayed to her ex.

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  • As you describe it, no. If she seems to be obsessively thinking or talking about her ex, she might need some therapy to move-on.

    I have been divorced from my first husband for 18 years but he still comes up in conversation now and then. He's part of my life's story.

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  • It definitely is especially since you're not specifically asking about him

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    • Why especially? I feel I should be more careful than to breach a heavy conversation so early on. Don't you think?

    • With especially I mean it's fishy she's talking about him since your not asking and yeah you're doing good not asking for him

  • no really but she is just fresh out of something that was long an a big part of her life seven years is a long time together

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  • no not necessarily. It depends on how often and what she says.
    Exes are a fact of life, they will come up.

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  • Do not worry! I feel like I do mention my ex sometimes, but almost 4 years. Hard to talk about anything in that time period without him being mentioned. Unless she talks about missing him or is praising him, dont worry.

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  • Not necessarily. I was with my ex for 5 years, haven't talked to him in 4. I have ZERO desire to get back with him, and it's not emotionally holding me back from being with someone else. But, that was five years of my life. That's a big chunk. A lot happened during that time, and ygee was a part of my life then. I also talk about my exes (to a degree) so that he knows what did/didn't work out with other guys based on experience rather than perceived preference. Seven years is a long time. I'd cut her some slack.

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  • Context? lol

    Mentioning him when in bed with you versus mentioning him when she's talking about how he had poor taste in drapes is completely different

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  • No i don't think you should read to much into it, i mean they did have a 7 year relationship and she just got out of it. That's a drastic change and i think its normal for her to mention him. I wouldn't worry to much.

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  • I just went through this myself. Run from this girl and don't get attached. I was the rebound and that's what you are

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  • Noo I dont think so. He may have been a big part of her life and sometimes he just comes up. I do it and I dont mean anything by it. Ofc, it depends on what of him she talks about =P

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  • my mentality on this shit

    if one is open and gives details and info on past relationship it shows the other person that the past is in the past and will help new person understand what to do and not to do

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    • but serious just ask her straight out

      are you still into your ex because i am completely into you and I dont want to get more attached if you are still attached to your ex

  • I don't think so. It may be a learned habit she's breaking

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  • There is nothing to worry about. Its just that she's been with him for long and there are memories they share. If she is confortable in talkimg about him to u then she trusts you fully. You can't take her memory from her.

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  • I wouldn't worry.

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  • I would worry more if she never mentioned him... they we re together for 7 years so a lot of her stories from that time period which naturally include him!

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What Guys Said 2

  • Depends. Women are emotional, duh. So if there was a connection there then there's always a feeling. But people move on for a reason.

    And people will make casual conversation about an ex simply because they were part of their life.

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  • Yes it is... EXes are ancient history... if she brings him up, it means she's still into him. Deal breaker.

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