Why can't he let go of his ex?

I've been dating a guy for 2 years now and before we started dating he had a girlfriend for 5 years before they broke up. Since he's been dating me he's told me he's fallen in love with me and has said that's proof she's moved on from her. About 4 or 5 months into us first dating he moved in with me and things seemed perfect until I found out he'd started messing with his ex again. I told him he couldn't be with both of us and he told me he was just confused and I ended up backing off for a few months, but we always kept in touch. He came back and told me how important I was in his life and wanted to start dating again seriously and building a solid relationship. So we did that for a couple months and then we got an apartment together. About 6 months after getting an apartment I found out he was talking to his ex AGAIN. We got in an argument about it and he ended up moving in with her. We didn't talk for maybe a month and for the past few months he comes over all the time and acts like we're dating, but is still living with her.

I've told him again he can't be with both of us and asked him to come back home. He told me I need to fall back and "play my position." I'm really offended by this and I don't understand why he keeps going back to her, because she's done some crazy stuff like throw a candle at his head and knock him out and try and hit him with a car and given him an std. I'm really trying to be patient and keep showing him how I love him and will never be like her and treat him good, but I don't know if I'm just wasting my time since he keeps going back to her.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes, you're wasting your time. You're trying so hard to fix the situation and probably spending a lot of time worrying when in actuality this is nothing you can control. Your boyfriend (or ex-boyfriend, whatever he is) has some serious issues with his ex. Will he ever be able to solve them? Maybe, but I wouldn't put money on it. The longer you try and stick it out as the "other woman" (which you are in this situation, don't kid yourself) the more frustration you're going to experience.

    I would suggest you end things with this guy and move on completely. He's not worth the time and energy you're putting into this situation. There are so many normal, great guys out there.

    • Thank you I guess I know this in the back of my mind it's just hard, because I do love him and even his family have told me they'd rather him be with me and they don't think I'm wasting my time. You're right though I do worry about this way too much.

    • Unless he listens to everything his family tells him to do 100% of the time don't put too much stock in having them on your side. I mean yeah it's great, but it doesn't mean anything in the long run. At the end of the day he's going to do what he wants to do.

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